Red vs Blue: The Birth By Sleep Saga
by LOL Party Up
Summary: The Reds and Blues have been sent back in time courtesy of Vile. Now they must team up with Ven and Aqua in order to get back to Blood Gulch during their own time period. While Vile teaches Terra how to be evil.
1. The Return of Vile

**Red vs Blue: The Birth By Sleep Saga **

**Chapter 1: The Return of Vile**

It's been over one year since Days started. Sora, Donald, and Goofy have woken up from their sleep over at Twilight Town. At the moment Sora, Mickey, Donald, Goofy, the Blues, the Reds, Tex, Wash, Doc, the Meta, Riku, Namine, Diz/Ansem the Wise, Pluto, and Kairi are at The World That Never Was.

Snake and Sam can be seen walking down to a shop. There intention reader? To buy some cigs, or for Snake at least. He just ran out a while ago.

"I can't believe you ran out of smoke. You just had a six pack like an hour ago" Sam said to Snake

"Someone need's to be in there happy place while smoking." Said Snake.

"You mean your box?" Said Sam with a raised eye brow.

"Its' more then just a box, its my life, and soul. Now to buy a 10 pack." Said Snake while getting in line

Cut away to a Taco Bell, Taco Man can be seen waiting in line at Taco Bell, he suddenly walks towards a camera.

"Good evening! Tonight as of 14 hundred hours military time, I can report to America, the world, and the folks here at this Taco Bell, right outside of my gated community here in Dallas Texas, where I usually eat Tacos, that I personally captured the Taco Eater, whose been eating many innocent tacos. This Taco Eater has been eating tacos, dipping them into sour cream, and worst of all holding them."

Taco Man then see's a man trying to get his spot in the line.

"Hey buddy, just go around." Said Taco Man before looking back at the audience. "No one will forget that day, when that sucker ate and killed that poor quesadilla. I was eating Tacos, on the toilet when I heard chewing sounds. I ran to see my tacos eaten by a orange armored bastard! I named him the Taco Eater, because its all I could think of. After so many years of eating tacos, I was briefed on a possible lead to the Taco Eater in a red base at a box canyon, 300 million light years away...in orbit. So I went in and captured the Taco Eater. But it was a tough fight, 40 minutes of ping pong, and he goes down hard. The Taco Eater will be imprisoned in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba where he'll be tortured and denied a fair trial. So I repeat, the Taco Eater is captured, and all our tacos are safe. God Bless the United States, and God Bless this Taco Bell. Tacos Rule!" Said Taco Man before going back to the line.

Back to Sam and Snake

"Did a random cutaway joke just happen?" Said Sam while breaking the 4th wall.

"I don't know about you, but we should go to Taco Bell after this." Said Snake

Meanwhile Snake gets a random call on his Codec

"Hello who is this?" Said Snake on the codec screen

"Hey Snake, do you wanan see my giant sausage?" Said Raiden."

"Damn it Raiden, don't call me for that. And no I do not want to see your giant sausage." Said Snake

"Can we please get on with Birth By Sleep?" Said Sam while watching Snake yell.

It's now ten years before the first Kingdom Hearts started. Meanwhile back during Kingdom Hearts 2 Vile now blood red and black instead of purple can be seen. Vile can be seen over at Dr. Evil's ship near Japan.

"Alright its good to be back!" Said Vile.

"Vile you've been back for awhile now. Fighting Sora, the Blues, and the Reds!" Dr. Evil told Vile.

"Oh right, but now its time to take it where it hurts Dr. Evil!" Said Vile.

"Where exactly is that Vile?" Dr. Evil asked Vile.

"Blood Gulch...but back in time!" Said Vile.

"The time machine is waiting for you Vile." Dr. Evil told Vile while pointing to the modified version of the Far Gate.

"We're still using the Far Gate? I thought we got rid of it!" Said Vile.

"It's now a time machine." Dr. Evil told Vile.

"Right, lets do this! I'm gonna make those space morons pay!" Said Vile.

"Also I've given you the ability to control time and space at will! So you can return whenever your ready to. WITH SCIENCE! Also could you bring back some souvenirs?"

"I'll bring you back a taco!" Said Vile.

"From Taco Bell I hope. Excellent!"

"We will see, and maybe Taco Man himself!" Said Vile.

"Well see you in ten years Vile." Dr. Evil told Vile.

"Yeah, try not to rule the universe while I'm gone!" Said Vile.

"I have a hard enough time stopping an English man with bad hygiene who has foiled my plans three times in a row now."

"Try not to make it a 4th! Now activate the time machine!" Said Vile.

"Will do Vile!" Dr. Evil said before starting up the modified version of the Far Gate allowing Vile to go back in time during Red vs Blue preseason 1.

"Sayonara!" Vile nods and goes in.

In the year 2552, in the last year of the Covenant invasion of the outer planets, a hero arose, a cyborg known only by the name Master Chief. He led the Covenant to the edge of space, to a ring world, called Halo. It was on Halo that Master Chief learned the grand plan of the Covenant armada. To destroy humanity and its home world...Earth. Using the defenses of Halo, he destroyed the ring world, and the Covenant armada along with it. The invasion was over. Unknown to the people of earth, the Covenant were planning to return. But in the time between the first and second Covenant invasion, there was a brief, but violent period of civil war among the humans. Man fighting man...Red vs. Blue.

Over at the planet Halo at a canyon known as Blood Gulch. Two bases can be seen on opposite sides of the canyon. One was blue the other was red. At the blue base two soldiers can be seen standing on top of their base. One soldier with Mark V cobalt armor was looking through the scope of a SRS99C-S2 AM sniper rifle. The other soldier who's armor is regulation blue is standing right by the cobalt soldier holding a MA5B assault rifle. Both soldiers are Private Church and Private Tucker of Blue team...

Vile arrives on a cliff far away from both bases...

"Alright time to find those idiots!"

"Hey Church do you think I'll get to use a sniper rifle today?" Tucker asked Church while standing on Blue base.

"What? I doubt it, you hardly ever use it!" Said Church.

"That's because you won't let me!" Tucker reminded Church.

"Because I'm afraid you might snipe me with it." Said Church.

"The only person who doesn't know how to use it is you." Tucker told Church.

"Hey men, sorry to interrupt, would you mind huddling up fellas?" A soldier with Mark V cyan armor holding a M6D pistol said to both soldiers. The soldier can be seen standing near the bottom of Blue base.

"Yes Captain." Said Church while doing so.

"Captain are we going to attack the Reds today?" Tucker asked Captain Butch Flowers after jumping off the top of the base.

"Yeah I'm tired of talking to this asshole." Said Church.

"Shut up dick head nobody likes you anyways rookie!" Tucker yelled at Blue team's new soldier.

"Hey shut up you stupid pervert!" Said Church.

"Captain I think we should have the new guy be the decoy when we attack the Reds. That way when they're filling him with lead we can flank them from behind! Then when we get back to base we can ask for a much better replacement." Tucker told Captain Flowers.

"You wanna say that to my face?" Church yells at Tucker.

"I just did dumbass!" Tucker yelled at Church.

"Captain I refuse to take his abuse, I'm gonna kick his ass!" Said Church.

"Men your delightful tomfoolery puts a spring in my step, and a bounce in my britches. If I weren't your commanding officer I'd pick you both up, give you a giant bear hug and make you call me Daddy."

"Uhm...thank God for the chain of command?" Church said.

Suddenly a person in green Mark V armor could be seen, walking straight to Blue team. He can be seen holding a M19 SSM Rocket Launcher.

"Hey guys the Reds' Sergeant is busy building that robot of his." Said Jacobs told the Blues.

"Whose this guy?" Church asked Tucker.

"Oh that's just Jacobs. Don't you remember rookie? You met him when you first got here from Sidewinder." Tucker told Church.

"You don't remember me Church?" Said Jacobs.

"Jacobs I don't even remember you most the time." Tucker told Jacobs.

"Private Jacobs you look like you could use a hug right now." Captain Flowers told the forgettable soldier.

"Eh that's OK Captain, I'm good and screw you Tucker!" Said Jacobs.

Over at the Red base a red armored Mark V soldier holding a M90 Close Assault Weapon System shotgun. A brown armored Mark V soldier can be seen but only his lower half can be seen. Two soldier wearing orange and maroon Mark V armor can be seen on top of the base. Both soldiers can be seen holding assault rifles. The three soldiers names are Sarge, Grif, and Simmons.

"Hey Grif!" Said Simmons.

"Yeah?"

"Ever wondered why were here?" Said Simmons.

"Not now Simmons I'm taking a smoke break!"

"You and breaks Grif, your gonna die of lung cancer someday." Said Simmons.

"So long as I don't have to do anything I don't care." Grif told Simmons while smoking in his helmet.

"Shut it dirt bag, before I take your lungs out and use them for my new robot!" Said Sarge while working on the Reds' robot.

"Sorry Sarge cant right now...I'm on break!" Grif told his CO.

"Yeah a break that'll kill you!" Said Simmons.

"Simmons I'm on break and don't have time to listen to you being a kill joy right now."

"Whatever, I'll just say I told you so while your gagging and dying, maybe we won't have a horrible medic that'll try to save you though." Said Simmons.

"Simmons we don't need a medic! Whenever someone is sick I'll just shoot them with my medicine coated shotgun shells." Sarge told Simmons while working on his robot.

"Hopefully Grif gets sick a lot then sir!" Said Simmons.

"I'm hoping he dies soon." Sarge told Simmons.

"Then who'll distract the Blues sir?" Said Simmons.

"Don't worry Simmons will call Command for a replacement after Grif is dead and buried." Sarge said.

"I just hope he is not gay and wears pink armor." Said Simmons.

"Don't be ridiculous Simmons. What kind of fool would wear pink armor on the battlefield? That's just crazy talk!" Sarge told Simmons.

"A gay person." Said Grif.

"I wasn't talking to you dirt bag! Now shut your mouth before I have you meet the happy side of my shotgun." Sarge told Grif.

"I'd hate to meet its nasty side then." Said Grif.

"How's the robot coming Sarge?" Simmons asked Sarge.

"Halfway done, got all the spare parts we need!" Said Sarge.

"Man this place is so dull and boring! I wish something awesome and exciting would happen for once in our lives! Like maybe go on an adventure to raid a magical golden infinite food supplied fridge! Or even go Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory! I hate this damn canyon!" Grif said while smoking.

"Your not the only one, I want to go home and see my Star Trek DVD's." Said Simmons.

"Don't you have your Captain Kirk poster here?" Grif asked Simmons.

"Yeah and I will not give it to anyone!" Said Simmons.

"I bet it ends up on E-Bay." Grif told Simmons.

"I highly doubt it!" Said Simmons.

"Or at least an E-Bay knockoff and gets sold to an European guy." Grif told Simmons.

"Heh I'd like to see one of the Blues do that." Said Simmons.

Over with the Blues...

"Hey Tucker what do you think of an E-Bay knockoff website? We could call it Church-Bay!" Church asked Tucker.

"What? Hell no that's a terrible idea! Besides it would never catch on." Tucker told Church.

Back to the Reds...

"Yeah it'll definitely never catch on!" Said Simmons.

"I agree it's defiantly a failure." Grif told Simmons.

Back to Vile who is trying to find his way around the Canyon.

"Dammit how do I find their bases, this place sucks?" Said Vile.

Vile looks around...

"Hmmm I guess I go left." Said Vile as he walks left.

Vile manages to find the bases...

"Looks like I found there bases."

"Looks like its time to send these freaks back to hell." Said Vile while activating one of Dr. Evil's new weapons attached to his armor.

Soon a giant purple vortex appears above Blood Gulch...

"AAHAHAHAHAHA! Taste hell you freaks!" Said Vile.

"Um Sarge...there's a giant purple vortex in the sky!" Grif told Sarge while looking into the sky above the base.

"Not now Grif I'm working on the new robot...so I can finally have someone intelligent to talk to for once!" Sarge said while working on the Red's new robot.

"The new robot wont replace me right? And I always talk to you Sarge." Said Simmons.

"No offense Simmons...I was mostly referring to Grif."

"Oh none taken sir." Said Simmons.

"Hey Church when did the sky turn purple?" Tucker asked Church.

"What?" Said Church looking up, "Oh crap that doesn't look good!"

Moments later all the Reds, Blues, two Pelican dropships, and Vile were sucked up into the vortex. Leaving just the robot and two bases alone in the canyon. At a peaceful lakeside a portal appears, a boy coming through it in his armor appears. He releases his red and gold armor in a flash of light while walking to the water's side. The boy has brown spiked up hair, blue eyes, black shirt, khaki pants skirt hybrid...thing, brown shoes, and a gold with gray gauntlet on his left shoulder. He hears something and turns around, summoning his Keyblade. He sees a blue jittery thing.

"Monsters? The ones that Master mentioned-these are the Unversed!"

More appear and the boy named Terra fights them.

One of the Unversed escapes.

"No you don't. Get back here damnit!" Terra yells at the Unversed while chasing it.

Suddenly Vile is seen dropping from the sky as the vortex closes from above him and lands near Terra.

"Damn I didn't expect for that thing to suck me in to!" Said Vile with a pissed off look while getting up.

"Who the hell are you? Speak now...thing or I'll slice you in two!" Terra told Vile after killing the Unversed and pointing his Keyblade at the robot.

"I'm Vile you meat sack, and what in hell's name are you?" Said Vile.

"I'm a Keyblade wielder and I fight for justice, peace, and light. Also you reek of darkness...and why do you look like a coffee machine?" Terra asked Vile.

"Justice, peace, and light? Pffft, don't make me laugh. That's for wimps, and I'm evil flesh sack that's why." Said Vile while snickering.

"Still doesn't explain why you look like a damn coffee machine."

"I'm a robot genius!" Said Vile sarcastically.

"Well if you'll excuse me Mr. I-Robot I have to be going now. There's monsters to kill, justice to be served, and Master Xehanort is missing." Terra told Vile.

Vile shakes his head...

"Look kid, if you want to find Master Xehanort, justice isn't the way to get things done."

"What are you talking about? I'm always doing justice! I practically eat it for breakfast. I need to get rid of the darkness so I can become a Keyblade Master!"

"Oh boy you need your head examined, being evil gets things done quick kid, helping others won't get you anywhere." Said Vile.

"Says you Mr. Coffee machine. I think somebody needs a hug!" Terra told Vile while stretching out both his arms in front of him.

"Your gonna regret leaving me kid, I can show you how to be evil." Said Vile.

"I think you're just cranky. Wanna talk about it?"

"No I don't want to fucking talk about it you pussy!" Said Vile.

"Suit yourself. I have justice to uphold not talk to coffee machines."

"Fine screw you Jack, I need to find my way out of here anyway!" Said Vile while looking for a way out.

"Fine follow me...I don't need to find a dead coffee machine in the woods after being attacked by Unversed. Besides even though your clearly evil and will probably turn me into a evil bastard and be the sole reason I lose my body I could still use a new friend. You can be my robotic sidekick...like R2-D2 and C3P0." Terra told Vile cheerfully.

"Well I'd rather destroy my circuit board then be hanging with a Keyblade Master, I still need to find a way out of here. Besides I'll be teaching you the ropes on being evil." Said Vile.

"Will it help me get Ven and Aqua to agree to a threesome with me?"

"Um...sure." Vile lied to Terra.

"Then count me in!" Terra told Vile with a smile.

"Good now shall we find a fucking way out of this forest? Oh I know lets burn the place while were at it!" Said Vile.

"Oh Vile don't be silly...the animals need a home! Besides I think I saw a sign earlier that said only you can prevent forest fires. Besides I always follow the rules...by the book. Well most of the time anyways. Aqua is usually the one who follows the rules to a letter T. Ven...well needless to say Ven does whatever he wants. Besides I think I can see a castle not far from here."

"Shut up and use this!" Vile shoves him a flamethrower, and uses his built in flame thrower to burn the forest, "Oh yeah burn baby burn!" Said Vile while cackling.

"Oh Vile look what you did that poor squirrel is now all black! Now whose going to support Mrs. Squirrel and children? I don't think I'm cut out for this evil stuff. I just want justice in the world and to love everyone...ya know? AAAHHH...SPIDER! KILL IT WITH FIRE!" Terra yelled before setting a baseball sized tarantella spider near him on fire.

"Grrr...your doing it wrong your suppose to set him on fire with an evil cackle like this!" Vile burns the spider to smithereens while cackling evilly.

"Oh right...ho ho ho!" Terra said while burning a nearby rat.

"OK that's it your getting an F!" Said Vile while giving Terra a blood stain F on a piece of paper.

"What? No! I've never gotten an F before...the lowest I've ever gotten is a B-! Damn this is a lot harder then I thought."

"Well try again but harder and maybe you'll get a A minus!" Said Vile.

"Oh hey there's a scorpion!" Terra said before setting the nearby scorpion on fire. While saying yeehaw...no I have no idea why reader.

Vile gives an epic double facepalm...

"I'll give you a D for creativity!" Said Vile.

"Thank you Vile. I've always felt that presentation is what matters most. At least it's not an F...last thing I need is one of those on my permanent record."

"Whatever, I think we're done here. Lets get the fuck out of here!" Said Vile while walking.

Terra looks up at the castle in front of him. He then spots a woman stand on the bridge ahead of him and approaches her.

"What's this...Why aren't you asleep, boy? That fool Flora cast a spell to put everyone in this castle into a deep, deep slumber."

"Hey aren't you that hag Maleficent?" Said Vile.

"Vile that's not nice to say! Sorry about that ma'am my robot sidekick is just cranky. Who are you by the way?"

"Why, I am Maleficent...as all who dwell in this kingdom would know. Now you must reciprocate the introduction. Who are you?"

"I'm Vile and I'm totally more evil then you'll ever be old lady!" Said Vile with a pose.

"Pardon my robotic friend's rudeness he's not really a people person. I'm Terra. What do you know about those monsters-the ones who attacked me?"

"Hmph. Now why would I give a thought to creatures so base...so inconsequential?"

"Wait those weren't Heartless?" Said Vile while not really paying attention to the situation at hand.

"What are you talking about Vile? I'm sure those monsters have hearts. Hmph they are base, that's for sure. Anyway, I'm looking for someone. Ever heard of a man named Xehanort?"

"That name is not familiar to me. Is he an outsider, like yourself and your robot friend? Oh, but wait...I do remember someone leaving the castle."

"Look your evil like me, would you like to help me teach Terra how to be evil properly?" Said Vile.

"Not now Vile we have to find Master Xehanort! Tell me what was he doing there?"

"I couldn't say...I can only be certain he was not from this kingdom. If you're curious, go see the castle for yourself. There-the entrance is past the bridge."

"Pfft like that's a likely story, your gonna set up an ambush and capture us and use us as mind slaves. Nice try witch." Said Vile.

"Now Vile that's not very nice. Say thanks to the little old lady and will be on our way. Thanks ma'am!"

Terra and Vile runs towards the entrance of the stone castle...

"Perhaps he did speak, about imprisoning the light..."

Terra and Vile stops and listens...

"The light could be so many things. Could he have meant Princess Aurora?"

"Aurora..."

Terra and Vile begins running towards the castle again as Maleficent disappears in green fire.

"Once we find this princess we kidnap her and hold her for ransom!" Said Vile.

"Vile don't be silly...besides where would we keep her?" Terra told Vile.

"Who cares, as long as we make it evil!" Said Vile.

"OK but let me do all the talking...you don't have a very good track record when it comes to people and social skills."

"Fine but if she kicks your ass for being a pussy, I won't be there to change your diaper!" Said Vile.

"Oh Vile you and your robot jokes...so hilarious!"

Vile and Terra stumbles upon a barrier that protects a door at the end of the hall inside the castle. Terra jumps back and points his Keyblade towards the door. A beam of light shoots from the Keyblade and unlocks the barrier giving Terra access to the room beyond. Terra enters the room and sees a girl, the Princess Aurora, lying asleep.

"Huh? This feels so familiar. Oh hey she's sleeping...let's try not to wake her Vile." Terra whispered to Vile.

"OK now listen closely, I'm going to grade you on this, go over there with a evil look and gag her and tie her up! We're taking her with us!" Said Vile.

"Vile where are we going to take her? Are we suppose to tie her up to the nearest tree and set her on fire?"

"Hey I give you an A for thinking that up!" Said Vile.

"I was kidding actually...besides we don't need the guards to arrest us for doing that anyways!"

"Her heart is filled with light-not the slightest touch of darkness. Just the kind of heart I need." Maleficent said after appearing in the room with Vile and Terra.

"Well if you want her you can have her. Shes no use to us." Said Vile.

"Wait Vile let's hear what the little old lady has to say. For what?"

"Imagine with me, the most glorious of futures...Seven of the purest hearts, each overflowing with light. When brought together, they grant the power to rule all worlds."

"Would you believe me if I told you a spiky hair kid with a Keyblade would totally kick your ass, and you turn into Barney the Dinosaur by a demon in the future who is no longer with us?" Said Vile.

"Oh Vile you and your silly robot jokes...cracks me up every time! Were going to be best friends...forever! What do you mean little old lady?"

"Why, that key you hold...The Keyblade, is it called?"

"Gee thanks for stating the obvious you hag!" Said Vile with his arms crossed.

"Manners Vile! We don't want to piss the old lady off...she might turn us into frogs. And that would suck. Where did you learn that name?" Terra said while summoning his Keyblade.

"That trinket is the only way to obtain the hearts."

"O'Malley is where I learned that name from." Said Vile.

"No more games. Where is Master Xehanort? Tell me or me and my friend Vile will kick your ass...even if you can turn us into frogs!" Terra told the witch while pointing his Keyblade at her.

"Impudence will get you nowhere, child. If you wish to learn more, you must retrieve the heart of Aurora."

"Hey if you want me to grab her heart from her chest, all you had to do was ask." Said Vile.

"Not like that Vile. Do you know how hard it is to get rid of blood? Plus it's a real bitch to get it out of carpets and rugs. And why would I ever want to do that?"

"It's not a matter of why, but of will. In your heart, there is darkness just waiting to be awakened."

"And with my help I can make you use it to your advantage kid...wait are you gonna molest him like with Riku?" Said Vile.

Maleficent runs her hand over the jewel on her staff, surrounding Terra with a green aura. Before molesting him just like Riku 10 years in the future...

Flashback:

Meanwhile in the ship with Riku and the unconscious Kairi...

"So, Kairi's like a lifeless puppet now?"

"Precisely."

"And her heart was..."

"Taken by the Heartless, no doubt."

"Tell me! What can I do?"

"There are seven maidens of the purest heart. We call them the princesses of heart. Gather them together, and a door will open to the heart of all worlds. Within lies untold wisdom. There you will surely find a way to recover Kairi's heart. Now, I'll grant you a marvelous gift. The power to control the Heartless."

Maleficent gave the power to control the Heartless to Riku. Actually she just molested Riku but he couldn't tell the difference either way.

"Soon, Kairi. Soon."

End of flashback

"Uh! I don't know what you're talking about. But you could have just asked nicely for sexual favors...I like to love everyone! Not be molested!"

"Perhaps not yet...But I have power over sleep. And I can awaken what's inside you...Then you will be free to be who you truly are."

"And that is to be a total pussy?" Vile asked her.

Suddenly everything flashes to white and then fades to black. We see a man with black hair, black mustache, black goatee, blue shirt, white jacket, white skirt...thing, and black with metallic shoes.

"Remember that darkness lurks in every heart. Darkness is our foe. Would that we could be rid of it. You must destroy it. Push the darkness down give it no quarter in your heart." The man says.

Terra bows over and then raises, his eyes glazed over. He hold his Keyblade over the sleeping Aurora and unlocks her heart. Aurora's extracted heart floats to Maleficent...

"Here it is...Just what I've waited for."

"Well I give you a B for helping Maleficent!" Said Vile.

Aurora's heart is surrounded with Maleficent's green flames. Terra's eyes return to normal and he begins to wake up, his Keyblade having been released.

"To think that all he spoke of was and will be true."

"Not now Vile I've just been molested which has caused me mental, emotional, and physical pain! What? How did I- Uh! What did I do? What did YOU do?"

"You speak as if I pulled some invisible strings. No, you couldn't be further from the truth, child. I simply whispered to the darkness you already held inside."

"Fuck whispering it, take it out and make him an evil cock sucking bastard who can beat little old ladies with a dildo bat!" Said Vile.

"Vile there's no need to kill old people...their wisdom is very helpful. How could I do this?"

Terra bends over and steadies himself by putting his hands on the edge of Aurora's bed. The sleeping Aurora shifts to an image of a sleeping boy with blonde spiky hair, blue eyes, black and white zip-up jacket, black and white checkered arm band, black and gray pants, black sneakers, and a gold with silver gauntlet on his left shoulder.

"Ven?" The image fades back to Aurora.

"I'll never understand this messed up Disney and Final Fantasy universe." Said Vile.

"Yes...Now, you want to know where Xehanort went. Well, that I cannot answer. He disappeared into the darkness. But now I know the Keyblade is necessary to gather hearts. Join me. Collect six more hearts of pure light. Then we will rule all the worlds together."

"You seem to be mixed up, I'm a peacekeeper, not a tyrant! That's Vile's job." Terra said while summoning his Keyblade. The castle then begins to shake. "Uh, huh?"

"An earthquake?" Said Vile.

"Hmm...For a peacekeeper, you're off to an exceptionally poor start. Remember this-the darkness in your heart cannot be held back by force or strength. Now...my work here is done, as is yours. Wasn't there someone you needed to chase?"

She begins to fade away through her green fire. Terra begins to attack her.

"Wait! The Unversed...They're going to bring down the castle. I have to do something!"

"We don't do nothing, we let them do what they do and we get the fuck out or to make it more evil we help The Unversed!" Said Vile.

Terra and Vile runs out of Aurora's chamber. After the Unversed are defeated, Terra and Vile returns to Aurora's chamber.

"It's my fault her light was stolen. It was because I was weak...I'm sorry. I'll get your light back-"

Terra and Vile can be seen walking from the castle across the stone bridge.

"Once I learn to stand up against the darkness. Why would Master Xehanort imprison the light? The purest hearts of light-do they hold the answer?"

"Looks like we got a lot of work to do. I think this is the beginning of a evil partnership!" Said Vile while thinking of ways to do bad stuff.

In a high tower of the castle...

"Seven pure hearts, each completely void of darkness...Such a search may take some time." She says before fading with her green fire.

**To Be Continued... **


	2. The Other Other Spiky Haired Kid

**Red vs Blue: The Birth By Sleep Saga**

**Episode 2: The Other Other Spiky Haired Kid**

**A whole brand new Birth By Sleep chapter! And it only took 2 years and 3 months! YEAH! NEW RECORD BABY!**

Somewhere in the forest, Alan could be seen walking with his flashlight...

"Previously on Alan Wa...sorry I mean Red vs Blue: The Birth By Sleep Saga!"

Images and recordings of the first chapter could be heard and seen as Alan recaps the first Chapter...

"Vile has been brought back by Dr. Evil. Hell bent on revenge, he is upgraded to the brim, ready to cast revenge on the Reds and the Blues. He goes back in time, to wipe out the space morons before they could ever team up with Sora and Riku in the present. However Vile mistakenly sends them, and himself to the past. There he meets a Keyblade wielder named Terra, reluctant at first Vile decides to team up with Terra to find a way out and teach him how to be evil. They cross paths with Maleficent and Aurora. Maleficent orders Terra to unlock Aurora's heart for her own plan and does so. She then molests him and unlocks his darkness even further. Terra, and Vile then leave Enchanted Dominion." Said Alan while recapping.

Max could be seen in his comfy chair, as he just took his own brand of painkillers called "Payne Killers" He then opens a blue book with the words Birth By Sleep on it.

"After being swallowed by Vile's vortex, both teams and the evil robot, were sent through time, as if God himself rejected their presence in the current time line. Vile then ended up with a Keyblade wielder named Terra. What about the space morons? Well lets say the Reds ended up with a hot blue haired girl named Aqua, and the Blues ended up with yet another spiky haired kid named Ven, as they are forever cursed to be near spiky haired kids, such as I am cursed to lose the women I love. Speaking of The Blues and Ven let's see what they're doing now." Said Max.

Ven arrives in a mountainous area which looks like Europe...probably Germany, Switzerland, or some place like that. He then decides to look around. He then spots seven little men carrying pickaxes walking in a line. These fellow readers are dwarfs...

"Dwarves? Did I stumble into Bioware's Dragon Age or something?" Said Ven looking around.

The dwarfs walk under the overpass Ven's on and into a nearby mine. Ven follows them and is about to walk into the mine.

"Weed and pussy here I come! Not even God himself will be able to stop me...or futuristic space men from another dimension! Ha! Futuristic space men...yeah that's a good one! I should write that down actually...wait Space Morons! Yeah that's even better! Damn I'm good!" Ven said to himself as he ran towards the mine while tempting fate at the same time.

Suddenly three armored futuristic space men...I mean space morons reader could be seen falling from the sky after a purple vortex opened, they then landed on top of Ven. Also a pelican dropship landed near them nearly crushing Ven and the space morons.

"AAAHHH! What the fuck is on top of me?! Whatever it is it's fucking heavy! Get off of me now bitches before I use my pimp hand on all of you! Ugh...I need a drink!" Ven said before pulling out a flask filled with Jack Daniel's whiskey.

"What the fuck just happened?" Said Tucker with a dazed look on his face.

"I don't know, but I think we were teleported somewhere else." Church pointed out, "Also get the fuck off of me Tucker!"

"I'm not drunk enough for this...it's too damn early! Get off of me now Space Morons...you don't want to see me drunk...you won't like me when I'm drunk." Ven said while trying to get drunk.

"Men since we're in a mysterious location, that isn't in Command's database, we must take the time to appreciate how we're still alive." Said Captain Flowers who was on top of them.

"OK God you won this time but don't think the war is over yet! Just because you have brought Space Morons to me doesn't mean you have won the war! I will be victorious by the end of the day! And after I dethrone the Taco Pope I'm coming for you next! Mark my words...you may have won the battle but you haven't won the war!" Ven yelled at the sky while shaking his fist furiously.

"What the fuck is this kid going on about?" Said Tucker.

"Men, it is rude of us to disturb someone in their moment of spirituality." Said Captain Flowers.

"He says he hates you and wishes you would die already! Also I agree Captain I always want peace when I'm worshiping my money." Church told Tucker and Flowers.

"Which you still owe me after you lost that bet." Said Tucker with a grin behind his helmet.

"One of these Days Tucker I'm gonna make a website and be so filthy rich and I'm not gonna give you any of my money!" Church said while referring to his future company called Church-Bay.

"Yeah and I won't bang a hot chick, I doubt that'll ever happen." Said Tucker.

"Now Tucker there's no need to be pessimistic...I'm sure our new ally was just expressing how excited he is to be our new friend! This calls for a group hug!" The Captain told his men.

"Uh yeah no thanks Captain. Hey look he has spiky hair! I predict in the future we'll team up with a spiky haired kid with Disney allies." Said Church.

"That's the worse prediction ever! Also I thought it was because he's part of a heavy metal band...or something." Tucker told Church.

"Well shit for brains you got a prediction?" Said Church.

"Yeah you'll die...from somebody extremely stupid." Tucker told Church.

"Yeah like that'll ever happen." Said Church.

"If that wasn't a foreshadow then I don't know what is." Said Tucker while breaking the 4th wall...oops sorry Reader my mistake there is no 4th wall.

"Tucker, what are you talking about?" Said Church.

"Something tells me you won't have to worry about it." Tucker explained.

"Could you three get off of me now?" Ven asked the Blues.

"I predict we'll be crashing into people like this a lot." Said Church as he got off.

"Who are you and where did you come from? Are you aliens? Were you sent from my arch nemesis God, Jesus, The Pope, Ronald Reagan, and Satan? Answer me damn it!" Ven asked the Blues.

"Like fuck we'll answer you. You should be answering our questions because….Church what's a good reason why he should answer our questions first?" Tucker asked.

"We have guns." Said Church.

"Yeah we have guns!" Tucker said in a pathetic way.

"Oh sweet! Is that an assault rifle?" Ven said after noticing Church, Tucker, and Flowers' Halo CE assault rifles.

"Yeah you wanna touch it?" Said Church.

"That's what she said!" Tucker said while laughing.

"She?" Church asked him confused.

"It's a sex joke." Ven told Church.

"You and your sex jokes Tucker." Said Church.

"My name is Ven." Ven said introducing himself to the Blues.

"Sounds like Van!" Said Tucker making a poor joke.

"Quiet Tucker he hasn't been introduced properly yet!" Church said referring to Vanitas.

"Greetings Ven, its nice to meet you. I am Captain Butch Flowers, and these are my men, Private Leonard L. Church and Private Lavernius Tucker." Said Flowers.

"Yo!" Said Tucker simply.

"Don't touch my sniper rifle." Church told Ven.

"Butch, Leonard, and Lavernius...got it!" Ven said to the Blues.

"Yeah just go by our last names, that's what we do." Tucker informed him.

"I'll take it into consideration Lavernius." Ven said.

"Oh boy." Said Church while facepalming.

"Do you think we could join you? My men and I need to find our way back to our base. Will help you with whatever it is you need!" Flowers told Ven.

Ven crossed his arms and thought for a moment...

"Well I am looking for someone, if you can help me find them I'll help you out." Said Ven.

"Do we really have to follow him Captain? We can find a way to Blood Gulch on our own." Said Tucker.

"Tucker don't be silly...none of us knows where we are. Besides now were in Ven's group! Isn't it great men to be apart of something bigger than ourselves? I have a feeling were gonna be doing wonderful things together!" Flowers told everyone excitedly.

"Uhhh yeah, is it too late to go home Captain?" Said Church.

"Church that's the whole point of us joining Ven's group...to find a way back to Blood Gulch. Also to learn more about teamwork and friendship!" Flowers told Church.

"Dear God that sounds so gay!" Tucker muttered.

"Tucker what do you have against the homosexuals?" Church asked Tucker.

"What kind of question is that?" Said Tucker.

"He's right Private Tucker that was pretty offensive." Captain Flowers said.

"What the fuck ever, I have freedom of speech I have the right to annoy anyone I see fit." Said Tucker.

"I predict in the future that you won't be able to use that word anymore along with shut up." Church said.

"Who the fuck are you suppose to be Nostradamus? Hell if your predictions come true, I'll pay you all the money you ever bet against me." Said Tucker.

"This place looks like a scene from a Disney movie if you ask me." Said Church.

"This place is Pot Land! I've been looking for it my whole life! Terra gave me a map to it recently...though for some reason I had to close my eyes cause that was part of the deal. Not sure what he did to me...all I know is when I opened my eyes I was pants less and I had a map in my hands. But that's OK cause soon I'll be too damn high to remember that moment!" Ven said while holding a crude looking map with drawings and coloring's on it from pencils, pens, crayons, colored pencils, and markers. It looked like a six year old made it Reader.

"Sweet Pot Land? It exists?" Said Tucker with excitement.

"Who the hell made this map? A six year old?" Church said.

"My friend Terra gave it to me and told me about Pot Land." Ven said.

"Is Terra a girl or something?" Tucker asked him curiously.

"No he's a guy and Aqua is the girl." Ven explained.

"Aw shit, I bet the girl ain't nearby then." Said Tucker.

"She has blue hair and really big tits...they're bigger than my head!" Ven said while talking about his friend Aqua.

"Dude! Give me her number!" Said Tucker with a boner.

"No way man she doesn't know you...plus I think she likes Terra."

"I'll change her mind, I always do." Said Tucker with a Cheshire grin behind his helmet.

"We need find those dwarfs...they're the guardians of Pot Land! I doubt they're gonna share their weed with us." Ven said before running into the mine.

Ven and the Blues enter the mine and sees the dwarfs working, mining jewels. As a cover up that is...they're actually looking for ingredients for their weed Reader! Suddenly Church sees gold...

"Is that fucking gold?" Said Church with a mesmerized look on his face behind his visor, if he had an actual face Reader.

"Don't be fooled Leonard they're fake! The dwarfs plant them here so people will think they're mining for treasure! In reality they're actually looking for ingredients for their weed and other drugs!" Ven told Church.

"Um yeah just call me…..What they're fake?" Said Church.

"They're fake...jewels shouldn't break this easy." Tucker said while crushing one of the jewels in his right hand.

"Hmm…" Ven picked up a jewel with his right hand and ate it.

"Oh hey the gold coins are actually chocolate candy!" Flowers said while eating one of the gold coins in golden tin foil.

"This is rock candy!" Said Ven.

"Shit!" Church swore.

"Church, it's ok! There's no need to swear like a sailor. Life isn't just about gold, and shiny jewels worth a lot of money. It's the fact that you were happy when you saw them." Said Flowers.

"Huh? Who the hell are you?!" One of the dwarfs named Doc...no not the horrible medic Reader asked Ven.

"I'm Ven and these are the Space Morons! Now where's your weed dwarf?!"

"A weed thief! Take cover you stupid bastards!" Another dwarf named Grumpy said.

The seven dwarfs begin running around in a panic. They run deeper into the mine, save Dopey who runs into a wall. Ven just stands there and facepalms himself.

"Oh...was it something we said?" Flowers asked Ven.

"Looks like will be doing this the hard way!" Ven said while summoning his Keyblade.

"FOR THE WEED!" Said Tucker before charging in.

"Ow son of a bitch...the damn bastards bite!" Ven yelled after one of the dwarfs bit his kneecap. He then whacked it with his Keyblade.

"Lets try to hug them gently, they're small like cute little children!" Said Flowers.

"They have long white beards Captain!" Church said while shooting at the dwarfs with his sniper rifle.

"Yeah what are they mini Father Christmas clones?" Said Tucker.

"Who cares? Just beat the little fuckers!" Ven said while beating down another dwarf with his Keyblade.

"Whatever!" Said Tucker while kicking a dwarf.

"Is getting high really worth all of this?" Flowers said while firing his assault rifle at a group of dwarfs.

"Not really!" Said Church while firing his weapon.

"Getting high is more important than anything in the world right now...even getting into Aqua's panties! Which is the second most important thing!" Ven said after bashing another dwarf's head into the ground.

"Ugh...we surrender!" Doc said while laying on the ground while bleeding from the head.

"Yes! Victory is ours at last! Now cough up the weed midget!" Ven told Doc while resting his foot on his back. "Now where's the weed dwarf?" Ven asked Doc.

"I'll take this moment and say legalize weed damn it!" Said Tucker.

"Tucker this isn't a political story!" Said Church.

"Just don't take our cocaine!" One of the dwarfs told Ven.

"Remember kids just say no to drugs!" Said Flowers who was now in his Captain Dynamic outfit.

"Hey Church. Where did the Captain go?" Tucker asked Church.

"I have no idea."

"Only violent evil scumbags indulge with these drugs, we must remain clean at all times." Captain Dynamic declared.

"Nah I'm gonna have to disagree." Tucker said.

"Yeah...does that make me a communist?" Said Church.

"Give up your drugs now dwarfs and we might let you live!" Ven told the dwarfs while pointing his Keyblade at them.

"Over our tiny midget dicks!" Said Grumpy.

"Silence midget!" Ven said before bashing Grumpy over his head with his Keyblade.

"Attack!" Ordered one of the dwarves.

"Denied!" Ven said before curb stomping one of the dwarfs.

"Like that'll do you any good, we can just shoot you all." Tucker warned.

"Dwarfs you either give us your drugs or you become extinct like the Dinosaurs in that old 1990's TV show that aired on ABC's TGIF...My God do I miss the 90's!" Ven said while having feelings of nostalgia.

"Who doesn't?" Tucker agreed.

"Alright dwarfs what's it gonna be? Are you gonna give up the drugs or are we gonna have to murder you in cold blood?" Ven asked the dwarfs.

"Do we give em the weed?" Said Sleepy.

"We would also like to know where some normal people are who aren't midgets." Ven said.

"Now you're being biased against midgets blondie!" Said Grumpy pointing a finger at him.

"That's right dwarf." Ven said.

"Yeah well take this!" Said Grumpy as he kicked Ven in the nuts.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha...that's cute!" Ven said after the dwarf did a horrible job of attacking him.

"If we tell you where some people are will you please leave us alone?" Doc asked Ven.

"After you give us your weed as well." Said Ven.

"Give is all your drugs!" Tucker said.

"Drugs are bad...m'kay." Flowers who returned to his armor stated.

"That's like saying sex is bad for you!" Ven said.

"There's nothing wrong with sex though, who doesn't like the thought of kissing your mate rubbing against their bodies, and piercing that private part." Said Flowers in description.

"Man Captain the way you just described it almost made me want to never have sex again!" Tucker said.

"Oh I'm sorry Private Tucker, I was suddenly reminded of my good old days at Priv..I mean college with my friends." Said Flowers.

"I just want sex with Aqua...she has really big boobs." Ven said while staring off into space.

"Dibs!" Said Tucker.

"Denied!" Ven said.

"Fuck!" Tucker groaned.

"Alright here you go we have decided that we would like to live." Doc said before giving Ven's group four duffel bags full of different kinds of drugs.

"Ha! Score! I got my weed bitches!" Said Ven.

"Along with other drugs like cocaine, heroine, mushrooms, and many others...it's like a party favor bag full of drugs!" Tucker said.

"Man we can probably sell like a million dollars with this shit." Said Church.

"What are you a communist? This is our drugs and were keeping them!" Tucker said.

"What are dollars? Is that Space Moron munny?" Ven asked confused while writing out the word munny on the ground with his Keyblade.

"Munny?" Church asked.

"Yeah it's the currency here." Ven said while showing the Blues a bunch of gold and blue balls.

"Wait so American money won't work here?" Said Tucker.

"I don't even know what that is." Ven said.

"It's basically our currency, which is the currency of the universe." Tucker stated, because yeah Reader, Murica!

"No Tucker it's just America's currency!" Church said.

"Dude everyone uses American dollars, it's a fact." Said Tucker.

"No they do not!" Church said.

"Says you." Said Tucker.

"For instance the UK uses Great British Pounds!" Church told Tucker.

"OK guys that's enough I don't feel like hearing a real life version of an internet argument." Ven told Church and Tucker.

"But that's what we do best! Argue!" Tucker stated.

"Alright Lollipop Guild where are the normal people at?" Ven asked the dwarfs.

"There's a castle beyond the forest." Doc told Ven.

"A castle? What are we in some kind of fairytale?" Church asked.

"Church it's medieval Europe! What do you expect?" Tucker said.

"I don't know some kind of fucking ass play or something." Said Church.

Later on Ven and the Blues walk through the forest and eventually stumble upon a small cottage where the dwarfs live.

"I guess this is where those dwarfs live." Ven said.

"Geez it's so small, you can barely fit in it." Said Tucker.

"That's because it's for midgets Tucker!" Church said.

"Hey I bet you 50 dollars to see if you can fit in there." Said Tucker.

"This place doesn't have dollars Tucker." Church said.

"Well munny whatever damn it. I want to bet against you, and watch you lose like always." Said Tucker.

"AAAHHH!" A female scream could be heard.

"Not now guys there's a hot girl in trouble and my hot girl senses are tingling!" Ven said.

"Oh man that's what I'm talking about! First drugs and now hot chicks...what's next? This adventure is gonna be awesome...we should have more of these!" Tucker said with excitement.

"Tucker, someone is actually in danger. We don't have time for you to act so horny!" Said Church.

Suddenly Captain Flowers changed into his Captain Dynamic Outfit…

"Stay back citizens, Captain Dynamic will save the girl!" Said Captain Dynamic in a heroic pose.

"Holy shit it's Captain Dynamic...oh no he's gonna fuck all the hot chicks!" Ven said with disappointment.

"Who?" Tucker asked, clearly confused.

"He's talking about the super hero." Church told Tucker.

"Never heard of him." Tucker stated.

"He's right there." Church said while pointing to Captain Dynamic.

"He could be a confused dude for all we know." Said Tucker skeptically.

"Who cares? There's hot girls to save!" Ven said before running off.

Eventually Ven's group finds Snow White sitting on the ground crying for some odd reason...I don't know Reader Disney logic I suppose.

"Hi there Ms. what seems to be the problem?" Ven asked Snow White.

"The trees tried to rape me."

"Oh damn Mother Nature I hate it when it does that!" Ven said.

"Fear not my fair maiden, for we have come to stop that evil tree from doing anymore harm to you or anyone else." Said Captain Dynamic.

"A raping tree? Did we just walk into Evil Dead now?" Church asked.

"Well it could be Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs directed by Sam Raimi." Tucker said.

"No Tucker this is the Disney version see?" Said Church pointing to a Billboard with Mickey Mouse on it.

"Well it can't be any worse than Snow White and The Huntsmen."

"Dude no one likes that chick from Twilight anyways."

"I was wondering why she was so lifeless." Tucker said.

"Oh thank you I feel a little better now. You wouldn't happen to know a place I could stay do you? I was on my way to work at the strip club." Snow White told Ven.

"Oh don't worry baby I know a place you can stay, with me in a bed...Bow Chicka Bow Wow!" Said Tucker

"This is a disgrace. The American people will not stand for ugly strippers!" Max's voice said out of nowhere.

"Hey who said that?" Tucker asked Church.

"I don't know but he brings up a good point." Church said.

"She's not that ugly." Said Tucker.

"Dude you're just saying that because you want to sleep with her."

"Bingo!" Said Tucker excitedly.

"I predict that Ven sleeps with her instead."

"Consider this prediction to fail, as well as your others." Tucker mocked.

"Well we saw a small ass cottage that looked like a porno studio earlier I mean I know it'll probably technically be breaking the law but I guess we can take you there. I'm Ven by the way and this is Leonard, Lavernius, and um...Captain Dynamic. For some reason Captain Butch is gone."

"Thank you Ven I'm Snow White."

Tucker shoved Ven aside...

"Hello there sweet stuff! I am Private Tucker, but you can call me Nip Tuck!" Said Tucker flirting with Snow White.

"Pipe down Tucker!" Ven said after hitting Tucker's helmet hard with his Keyblade before grabbing Snow White's hand.

Later on Ven's group enters the dwarfs' cottage with Snow White. Ven then goes outside to search for Unversed with the Blues and then returns to the cottage. And then notices Snow White with the dwarfs.

"Alright there are no Unversed...ah shit it's the midgets again!" Ven said after noticing the dwarfs.

"It's the blondie! Quick hide!" Said one of the dwarfs.

"He broke into our house without permission...we should call the police!" One of the other dwarfs said.

"But he did bring us a very pretty girl." Another dwarf said.

"Oh my I've never done a gangbang before with a bunch of small old men...actually I've never done a gangbang before period." Snow White said.

"Actually we figured you could just help us clean our house." Doc said.

"Don't worry baby, I can show you a gangbang personally!" Said Tucker.

"Tucker a gangbang consist of a bunch of people fucking one person at the same time! Not one person having sex with another person." Church said.

"OK so...want to join in?" Tucker offered.

"No thanks I have more important things to do like make lots of munny." Church said.

"What good is munny without the simpler, joyful things in life?" Said Tucker.

"Out with you drug thief and take your Space Morons with you!" Grumpy told Ven.

"Oh no please don't kick him out he's no thief he helped me when I was sad, scared, and alone."

"What exactly happened to you?" Ven asked Snow White.

"Please tell us in great detail, Ms.! For I will bring justice upon them!" Said Captain Dynamic.

"Hey Church. When is Captain Flowers going to get back?" Tucker asked Church.

"I don't know, but in the mean time, I am the leader of this army! Fuck yeah!" Said Church.

"Fuck you rookie!" Tucker said.

"Oh are you going against my word Private Tucker? You're going to get a demerit for this or whatever." Said Church not taking his leadership role too seriously.

"Dude whatever you're the new guy therefore you're the rookie of Blue Team."

"That is true, but let's be honest, you're not the leader type Tucker. You're pretty much a coward who rather hide in the closet with a girl, then cover behind a wall and shoot at the Reds." Church proclaimed.

"Well I was picking flowers by the woods and there was a stranger with a purple robot there. He had a sword but it looked like a giant vibrating glow in a dark dildo like the one in my nightstand. Then these weird ass monsters that looked like the ones in hentai I masturbate to appeared and-" Snow White started to say.

"A sword that looked like a dildo...Terra! Wait a purple robot...what the fuck?" Ven said.

"Something tells me this purple robot will be dangerous to us in the future." Said Church.

"You mean this stranger and his killer robot summoned his horde of demons from Hell to rape and murder you?" Doc asked Snow White.

"Ugh that sounds nasty." Said Tucker.

"I say the same about you all the time." Church told Tucker.

"Terra would never do that you midgets!" Ven said with great offense.

"Well we got eyes to prove it!" Said Grumpy.

"Dude you weren't even there you're going by this stripper's story!" Church said.

"Yeah like, talk about epic fail!" Said Tucker.

"Oh don't worry Ven I believe you even if we have just met recently." Snow White said.

"Hey you should believe me to!" Said Tucker.

"What exactly should she believe from you?" Church asked Tucker.

"My sexiness for starters." Said Tucker.

"Princess don't listen to him or his Space Morons they're lying to you! They just want to get you into bed so they can rape you and do other horrible things to you...like steal your drugs! Especially the blue one!" Grumpy said while referring to Tucker who still had regulation blue armor.

"No were not and we don't rape we only do consensual sex...and besides I'll prove I'm not lying!" Ven said.

"What's wrong with lying? I do it almost all the time" Said Tucker.

"Same here." Church said.

"Especially to our Captain." Said Tucker.

"I wonder where he is?" Church said.

"Lying is a very horrible thing to do, honesty is the best policy! Now you know and Knowing is half the battle!" Said Captain Flowers to everyone.

"Oh hey Captain there you are! Where have you been?" Tucker asked.

"That Private Tucker is a question we'll save for another time, we got work to do and oh Church, I know you're the newest addition to our little group, but I am placing you second in command and leader if I'm not around." Said Flowers.

"Really? Sweet!" Said Church.

"I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings Private Tucker, I know you been here much longer than Church has, but well I think he's more qualified and is more focused." Flowers explained.

"What? Oh that's cool." Said Tucker not paying attention to Flowers, he was still looking at Snow White's boobs.

Ven and the Blues then leave the cottage and go to the nearby woods. Snow White for some reason followed them even though it was very dangerous. Eventually Ven's group comes across a giant Unversed tree. The tree spots Snow White and captures her with it's roots and branches like tentacles. Soon Snow White's arms and legs were tied up by the tree's branches and roots. The tree then used one of it's branches to rip Snow White's blue panties with a red apple symbol on the front and green apple symbol on the back off her ass. The tree then rammed two of it's branches into Snow White's wet shaved pussy and virgin ass hard. This of course was quite uncomfortable and painful to the girl causing her to scream and have tears flow down her face. The tree found this very annoying so it shoved another branch down the girl's throat to shut her up plus it looked like she was performing oral on it. The tree then used another branch to slice Snow White's top in half vertically revealing her braless C cup tits with huge rock hard pink nipples. The tree then used three more branches to grope and titty fuck Snow White's big tits. Ven just stood there angry at the Unversed tree and pointed his Keyblade at it.

"Hey you evil bastard let that poor hard working stripper go she doesn't deserve to be raped by you!" Ven yelled at the tree.

"Shit we've got to do something fast!" Said Church.

"It's like that tree raping scene in Evil Dead 1 and 2!" Tucker said.

"Don't worry men with our team work and our friendship will be able to defeat this evil tree and save Snow White together!" Captain Flowers said while reloading his old Project Freelancer Halo Reach assault rifle. Which had a grenade launcher attachment on it.

"God that is seriously ga-" Said Tucker.

"Shut up Tucker!" Church said after whacking Tucker upside the head with his sniper rifle.

"Now fellas calm down no need to try to kill each other we need to focus our anger on that tree if we want to save Snow White." Flowers told Tucker and Church.

"Oh yeah, don't worry baby I'll save you!" Said Tucker.

"Shit he's got Snow White! What to do? What to do? What to do? Oh wait...I know! There much better...kind of." Ven said before grabbing and throwing Tucker at the tree who is sadly still raping Snow White.

"AAAAH! Son of a bitch!" Said Tucker as he was thrown to the tree before the tree also captured Tucker.

"Well you said you would save her!" Said Church while laughing.

"Well men...er I mean Church looks like will have to save Private Tucker as well."

"Fuck!" Said Church.

Ven ran up to the tree and then backed up a few feet away after noticing that the tree was launching explosives at his group. Ven then uses his shotlock ability on the tree. After jumping in the air the tree is then hit by a bunch of fireballs from Ven's Keyblade. Church fires his sniper rifle at the tree and Flowers uses his assault rifle's grenade launcher on the tree causing black marks to show up on it. Ven now with a glowing green aura around due to something called Fever Pitch ran to the tree and slashed at it a few times before dodgerolling out of the way.

Church throws some frag grenades under the tree causing massive damage to it. Flowers then fires his assault rifle at the tree before reloading. Entering Fever Pitch again Ven uses his shotlock once again and fires fireballs at the tree while it launches a bunch of explosives around Ven's group. The tree then started to drop HP balls for Ven's group so they could heal themselves. Church fired more sniper rifle bullets at the tree while Flowers fired his assault rifle at it.

Ven used Strike Raid on the tree before dodgerolling out of the way before using a med-kit to heal himself. Church and Flowers then threw a few frag grenades under the tree before firing both of their assault rifles at it. Ven used Strike Raid one last time before the tree was destroyed. Ven then learned Firestorm after defeating the Unversed tree.

"Oh God, we actually beat that thing." Church told Captain Flowers in shock.

"Is Private Tucker OK? What about Snow White?" Flowers asked with concern.

"Don't worry Butch she's OK!" Ven said while sitting on the ground with Snow White in his lap who had landed in his lap after the tree was destroyed. Snow White could be seen covering her exposed tits with her hands.

"I'm…alright." Said Tucker in pain.

"Oh good Tucker you're alright...I was worried there for a second!" Flowers told Tucker.

"Yeah no thanks to you guys." Tucker complained.

"Oh Tucker sorry that Ven threw you at the tree but I'm sure it was all part of the plan to save Snow White." Flowers said.

"Who the fuck throws a person at a tree to save someone? That plan is team killing!" Said Tucker.

"No if it was team killing he would have killed you...which he should have." Church said.

"I WAS almost KILLED!" Said Tucker.

"Almost doesn't count Tucker except in horseshoes and grenades!" Church said.

"If you're team killed one day Church don't come crying to me." Said Tucker.

"Nobody would do that!" Church said.

"Oh yeah? Well I bet it will!" Said Tucker.

"No I mean the second part."

"...oh." Said Tucker in realization.

Later on Ven and the Blues take Snow White back to the dwarfs and then travel to the flower field that Snow White was at when she saw Terra and Vile. An old woman with a basket filled with apples and wearing a black robe could be seen. Suddenly an apple rolls to Ven's foot…

"Hmm?" Ven looked down at the apple curiously.

"Oh hey an apple...sweet I'm hungry!" Tucker said before picking up the green apple.

"Uh Tucker you sure it's safe to eat an apple that you don't know where it came from?" Said Church.

"Remember kids never accept anything from strangers! Now you know, and knowing is half the battle...GI JOE!" Flowers said.

"Captain why are you talking like that? I'd expected that from some corny super hero." Said Church.

"Yeah like that Captain Dynamic guy." Said Tucker.

"Fellas I'll have you know Captain Dynamic is my favorite super hero and role model and I think we all could learn a thing or two from him."

"Agreed! He's my favorite super hero as well! I have his hair gel." Said Ven.

"But he says stupid things Cappy!" Tucker said.

"They may sound, well not well constructed, but it's the meaning that matters." Said Flowers.

"But Captain is it suppose to sound like a cheesy 1980's and 1990's after school PSA?" Church asked.

"Yes, that's how it goes in the super hero world." Flowers stated.

"Oh well." Tucker said before eating the apple without his helmet on. Because that would be impossible Reader.

"10 munny says that it's poisoned." Church betted against everyone.

"What? Don't be ridiculous! Who the hell would do that?!" Tucker scoffed.

"Me." Said Church.

"Yeah you would!" Tucker said after eating the rest of the apple.

"Is it safe?" Flowers asked.

"You OK Tucker?" Church asked.

"Um...Lavernius?" Said Ven

"Ugh…" Tucker said before passing out on the ground.

"...Score! Pay up bitches hahaha!" Said Church.

"Leonard you were the only one who bet." Ven said.

"...And? Your point is? Pay up motherfucker!" Said Church.

"Fine." Ven said before giving Church 10 munny.

"You are lucky Church." Said Flowers before paying Church.

"Is Lavernius gonna be OK?" Ven asked.

"Why...is the world...spinning so fast?" Tucker said in a delirious state.

"Yeah he'll be fine." Church said.

"Excuse me old lady? You dropped this." Ven said to the old witch before giving her what was left of the apple Tucker ate.

"Yeah why would you have a poisoned apple?" Church asked.

"Now Church don't be angry at the elderly they have much wisdom to give to the youth of today." Flowers said.

"Captain this elderly woman had a poison apple, who in the fucking world would have such a thing?" Church countered.

"I'm sure it was all an honest mistake Church." Flowers said.

"Uh huh I'm sure it was." Said Church sarcastically.

"I'm glad you agree." Flowers said.

"That was...oh never mind." Said Church.

"Oh thank you young man. Truthfully I really don't know what I would have done without that. Wait it's mostly eaten...oh well good thing I have extras. Haven't I seen that sword before?" The witch told Ven.

"You mean this? Terra has one. You know Terra?" He gestured to his Keyblade.

"Oh why yes...that bastard pointed one of those dildo looking things at me while asking about Xehanort and then his robot friend attacked me...my poor old heart nearly stopped."

"That doesn't sound like Terra at all...little old lady where did Terra go?"

"I have absolutely no idea...why must all you kids and your Space Morons bother an old woman like me?"

"What? No I didn't mean...Terra what the hell did you do?" Ven said after the old witch left.

"I bet she turned him into a frog!" Said Tucker.

"When the hell did you get better?" Church asked Tucker.

"Five seconds ago no thanks to you" Tucker stated.

"He must have gotten better off screen." Flowers said.

"As figured, that happens all the time." Said Church.

"Well guys I guess will have to look elsewhere for Terra." Ven told the Blues.

"Good God, that means we have to keep on following you." Church complained.

"Church that's the whole point of this adventure." Flowers said.

"Yeah besides we don't know how to get around this place ourselves, better let other people do our work for us. Plus there's drugs and hot chicks!" Said Tucker.

"Well guys let's go." Ven said.

"You don't have to tell us twice." Said Church.

"Yeah let's get out of here." Said Tucker.

"For once I agree with you." Said Church.

"Alright let's go find our ship...I think it crashed near the mine the dwarfs were at earlier." Flowers said.

"I call shotgun!" Said Tucker.

Suddenly Snow White then appears after leaving the dwarf's cottage…

"Oh Ven there you are! I was hoping to tell you goodbye before you left and to thank you for saving me from the tree."

"Oh hey no problem...I couldn't just let you get raped by Mother Nature like that." Ven said while scratching the back of his head.

"I was wondering if it would be OK if I gave you a reward for saving me?"

"What kind of reward?" Ven asked with a raised eyebrow now curious by Snow White's words.

"Hmm...how about a blowjob? I've been told I give really good head."

"Oh hell yeah! I've never been given a blowjob before." Ven said with excitement.

"Great this will be fun...you won't be disappointed I promise!" Snow White said before grabbing Ven's hand.

Snow White then lead Ven to another part of the flower field away from the Blues with a tree...the non raping kind of course. Ven then sat down in front of the tree and relaxed after a hard day's battle with the Unversed. Snow White sat by the blond boy and started to rub the crotch of his now bulging pants.

"Oh my Ven you're rock hard!" Snow White said while blushing.

"Heh...yeah that happens when I'm around girls." Ven said while laughing nervously.

"I really like it when guys get excited around me...makes me real moist between my legs." Snow White said while trying to find the zipper to Ven's pants.

"Whenever you're ready." Ven said now throbbing in his pants.

"Here we go…" Snow White said before unzipping Ven's pants releasing his now rock hard dick.

"Uhn...that feels much better." Ven moaned after his hard throbbing thick cock was released from his pants. Feeling the cool breeze hit his key as precum started to drip from his purple head.

"Oh my...Ven you're so big and thick!" Snow White said while mesmerized by Ven's thick sword.

"Heh heh heh...thanks I'm glad you like it. So I heard there was something about a blowjob?"

"Oh yes! I'm really great at oral I haven't had a single complaint yet. I use my mouth, lips, tongue, hands, and tits. I promise you that I'll make you explode like a tropical volcano!" Snow White said while taking her top off exposing her bouncy c cup tits.

"Well damn that sounds great let's get started I can't wait for this!"

"I'd like to see your balls as well...I like to suck on them." Snow White said before taking Ven's big balls out of his pants.

"Oh yeah go ahead...no complaints here."

Snow White then took Ven's cock in her hand and then started to slowly stroke it up and down with her hand trying to get the boy good and hard. Once Ven was rock hard Snow White started to lick up and down the young boy's hardened shaft lightly with her tongue. Kissing up and down his thick prick from his purple head all the way down to his ball sack. Leaving stained red kiss marks on his dick and balls. Snow White then teased the boy's big purple head with her tongue tasting his precum. Snow White then started to lightly suck on Ven's tip while cupping and massaging his balls in her hands. Snow White then wrapped her boobs with her pink nipples now hard and erect around Ven's throbbing key. She then started to deepthroat the half of Ven's hard penis that wasn't covered by her boobs. Snow White bobbed her head up and down on Ven's thick rod while jacking him off with her breasts. This filled Ven with a wave of pleasure causing him to moan and his eyes to roll in the back of his head. Snow White then took the boys big nuts and started to suck on them each getting them all wet. She then went back to deepthroating and jacking the boy off with her big tits. Ven was now engulfed in a feeling of pleasure that rivaled only the feelings he had while masturbating to the thought of fucking Aqua when laying in his bedroom.

"AAAHHH...SNOW WHITE!" Ven yelled in pleasure before exploding all over the girl's face, inside her mouth, hair, and tits with his white thick cum.

"GAH...AGH...UGH...UHN! Oh Ven…" Snow White said while almost gagging on the boy's thick white cum.

"Oops...sorry about that. I didn't mean to cum all over you." Ven chuckled while turning red.

"Heh it's OK I love it when that happens it let's me know that I'm doing a good job. So how was it Ven?" Snow White asked while licking Ven's cum off her face and boobs.

"It was amazing! You weren't kidding when you said you were really good at this! I haven't felt like this since the first time I masturbated."

"It must have been awhile since the last time you jacked off cause that was a lot of hot man juice that came out of you. And it was good to the last drop by the way. Not to sound cocky...well maybe just a little bit but good luck finding someone who can suck you as good as me."

"Yeah you're right it's definitely going to be a challenge to find someone as good as you. Well thanks for the great head but I have to go now." Ven said after standing up and zipping his pants.

"Of course Ven come back anytime you want. I should really find the dwarfs." Snow White said before leaving Ven after putting her top back on.

Ven then regrouped with his allies before they went and searched for the Blues' dropship near the mines…

"And then the Space Morons and Ven left the world after boarding their own transportation-"

"Hey Max I'm narrating!"

"Wake you couldn't narrate yourself out of your own damn subconscious!"

"Oh don't go starting up crap, I am as good as you, hell even better!" Alan declared.

"Hello Mr. Homeless Man! Can I sing the Sponge Bob Squarepants song now?" Caboose asked the two. No Reader you can only hear Caboose...it's a fourth wall joke.

"Caboose?! How did you get here?" Alan asked the Blue armored moron.

"Oh man guys this is gonna be so much fun! I've always wanted to narrate something other than my fanfiction before!" Donut said.

"Oh no!" Said Alan with a facepalm.

"Go away you two you're not invited!" Max said.

"Yeah we don't need you two diverting our attention from torturi- I mean narrating Birth By Sleep." Said Alan.

"I'm narrating damn it!" Max said.

"No Max, your time has come! Let the new blood take control!" Said Alan.

"Wake you narrated CoM while I was given Days and Birth By Sleep! Days was cancelled and now all I have left is Birth By Sleep!"

"Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?" Caboose sang out of boredom while Max and Alan argued.

"No!" Alan and Max shouted at Caboose.

"Oh man I can't wait to start narrating everyone into wacky adventures just like the adventure I had with Riku at Castle Oblivion!" Donut said.

"Donut we don't need you making things very awkward in this story." Alan stated.

"I just want to see what new experiences I have in this new adventure." Caboose said.

"You're not even in BBS." Said Alan.

"Yeah Caboose this was before we joined our teams and it's like those really old black and white movies with no sound." Donut said.

"But I am there, as a soon to be there character." Said Caboose.

"Caboose that doesn't count!" Max said.

"It counts in the next story." Said Caboose.

"But Caboose were already working on Kingdom Hearts 2." Donut said.

"And I was telling the truth." Caboose said randomly.

"You Space Morons can't handle the truth!" Max said.

"Oh my, you're right! What should we do?" Said Donut in a panic.

"You should all leave and leave the narrating to the professionals...which is me." Alan said.

"Up your ass, I am the only one here with a license in narration!" Max proclaimed.

"I'm a writer of several books which you can find and buy on Church-Bay which you should totally do...on Church-Bay which is the only place that can meet your internet shopping needs...Church-Bay the future of internet shopping today!" Alan said while reading from a script that Epsilon Church gave him.

"Looks like you got turned into their spokesperson." Said Max.

"Go shop at the evil Church-Bay, it's got stuff for all you want or not!" Said Caboose.

"I asked to be the spokesperson I'll have you know!" Alan said.

"Sure, sure, it wasn't in your contract with Church." Max challenged.

"I wonder when the sailors that Tucker mentioned are going to show up?" Caboose said.

"Oh, are they gonna curse and get drunk?" Donut asked him.

"You two need to go away...now!" Alan said.

"But Church said he'd give me a cookie if I stayed here and say nice things about the evil Church-Bay." Sad Caboose.

"Are you sure it wasn't orange juice?" Donut asked Caboose.

"But you don't eat a cookie with an orange juice, you got it all forward!" Said Caboose.

"Caboose you're so damn stupid I'm surprised you even know what a cookie is!" Max said.

"A cookie is God's food, as said by Grif."

"Grif is fat and lazy...also he stole all the tacos." Max said.

"And you're doing a lousy job getting them back." Alan shot back.

"Listen here Wake it's called padding...we can't capture him till the end of Kingdom Hearts 3. Says so in the script!" Max told Alan.

"Since when do you abide by the script? You tore it to shreds last I saw you asshole."

"Since I rewrote it with the help of my team!"

"And not your crack team of gang bangers in your cabinet?" Said Alan.

"I was talking about my cabinet and my personal team." Max said.

"I bet you did something to me in the script." Alan accused him.

"Yep you die like the Terminator in Judgement Day."

"Doesn't change the fact that I killed you first in my last book." Alan said with a smirk.

"But was it as good as Terminator 2?" Max said.

"A classic." Alan stated.

"Bullshit...Arnold wasn't in your story!"

"No I had Mark Walhberg...wait." Said Alan.

"That movie is illegal and Mark is in jail for doing a terrible job of portraying me in said illegal movie! Even if he was Marky Mark and wrote Good Vibrations with the Funky Bunch...which was a pretty good song." Max said.

"I don't know I think he did you very badly in a good way." Said Alan.

"Well now he's in Guantanamo Bay where he belongs."

"You fascist!" Said Alan.

"That's America for you!"

"Wow Mr. Caboose, at this rate, we'll be here all day." Said Donut.

"I just hope everyone visits the evil Church-Bay."

"I hope they'll buy my yaoi Harry Potter and Twilight fanfction I put up for sale illegally." Said Donut.

**To Be Continued… **


	3. Go Make Me A Sandwich

**Red vs ****Blue****: The Birth By Sleep Saga**

**Episode 3: Go Make Me A ****Sandwich**

Over at the city of New York a girl with blue hair, blue eyes, black top with exposed back, black shirt, black with white metallic shoes, and a black with blue gauntlet on her right arm could be seen walking around the city. It's night time and the full moon can be seen above all the tall buildings and skyscrapers. Neither mutant turtle, gargoyle, super hero, or vigilante could be seen or heard. At least for now Reader...in the mean time there's Space Moron hijinks to be had. Aqua then comes across Time Square and sees Terra and Vile...well Vile is actually invisible but standing by Terra. Terra can be seen covered in blood and deep gash marks all over his body and clothes.

"That was pitiful, you didn't kill him in the most brutal way possible! For that, you get an F!" Vile stated.

"Aww...come on Vile he had sharp retractable claws! Do I at least get a D for my one liners? They were pretty good one liners."

"NO! And he didn't even stay dead! He also kept giving us quizzes about crap I do not understand or care about! But it was kinda creative." Said Vile.

"My favorite one liner was the one where I said quite frankly my dear I don't give a damn. I'm not sure where it's from but it sounded pretty good in my head. I wasn't very fond of the quizzes...I don't like pop quizzes to be honest. I just want to kick ass and protect the peace in the universe is all!"

"Um no we destroy peace, and rape it's fucking corpse." Said Vile.

"But that's not the way of the Keyblade wielders Vile...were protectors of the peace not soldiers!" Terra said.

"It appears I have a lot of work to do." Vile told himself with a sigh.

"I watch the news I know what happens...like at Benghazi. I don't know what happened there but the TV made it sound really important. I was too busy thinking about Aqua and Ven to really care though. Mmm...sexy threesome." Terra said while getting a boner.

"Terra the mission of the news is to brainwash the stupid to worship their rich corrupt overlords, I know because I have board meetings with them, especially the head of Faux News." Vile said to Terra.

"I know that I didn't listen to it for very long because I got bored real fast and then decided to masturbate. It was a very boring night to be honest. Speaking of boring nights what are we going to do next for our evil training?"

"Simple, you beat up a girl in front of her mother, rape her, and then steal her panties." Said Vile.

"I don't think I've seen Aqua's mother...and I'm not into rape or hitting women...it just feels wrong. Can't we beat up the homeless instead?"

"Ugh fine we'll kidnap the mayor of New York City till the federal government pays us a trillion munny that they'll likely borrow from China." Vile stated.

"But I love pandas! Were not gonna steal the zoo's pandas and cook them are we?" Terra asked with a horrified look.

"As much as I'd love to, I got better things to do then cook pandas." Vile stated.

"That's a relief...got scared for a minute there."

"What-" Suddenly Vile stopped talking as he saw Aqua nearby.

"Hey Aqua! Over here!" Terra said while waving at his blue haired big boobied female friend.

"Oh Terra! There you are!" Said Aqua excited as she ran to her friend.

"_Damn she has some really big boobs...must...not...stare...at...Aqua's...chest...__fuck__...brain...do__n't__...fail...me...now...you...to...eyes! Shit…_" Terra said to himself inside his head while trying not to stare at Aqua's chest.

Vile shook his head and quietly slapped Terra upside the head…

"OW! WTF? That wasn't nice Vile...you're so not getting a poke from me on Square-Book now!" Terra said to a still invisible Vile.

"Terra who are you talking to?" Said Aqua as she met up with Terra.

"This is my new friend Vile...he looks like a purple blender. Say hi Vile!"

"..." Vile did not speak a word as he decided to stay hidden.

"Come on Vile don't be shy I want you to meet my friend Aqua and Ven when we see him."

"Terra there's no one there." Said Aqua with an arched eyebrow.

"What? That's not true Vile is standing right here! Vile now isn't the time to play the quiet game!"

"..." Vile just stared at him with his arms crossed.

"Terra...Ven ran away from home!" Aqua told Terra.

"Oh don't be kidding, I'm sure he ran off to the next Bronycon." Said Terra.

"Terra what are you talking about? Anyways I think he went to go find you. Do you know why?"

"No, uhh actually...Before I left, he tried to tell me something, but I was too distracted by his body." He said with a smile and erection.

'I don't even wanna know!' Vile said in his head.

"Terra are you a homo? Did you at least manage to locate Master Xehanort?" Aqua asked Terra.

"Huh? No way, I just admire Ven's body, like how I can admire a certain woman's breasts, and no but it seems he's looking for pure hearts filled with light." Terra said defensively.

"Pure hearts filled with light...what the hell does he want with that?"

"Maybe he's a lonely old man who wants to find that one special person? All I can tell you is that his search hasn't taken him here, or to Hooters." Said Terra as he walked away.

"Alright I'll stay here and see if I can find more clues. And Terra stop going to Hooters you're gonna go to jail one of these days for groping the waitresses tits...they don't like it! I'm more forgiving about it when you do it to me because I'm your friend."

"No one likes a goody two shoes you stupid whore." Vile whispered lowly at her which made her feel like she was crazy, he followed after Terra.

"Aqua. You still have the same dream?" Terra asked Aqua.

"We gotta go!" Vile whispered to him.

"Well...of course."

"Just making sure." Terra said before leaving with Vile.

"He'll be OK. He won't give into it." Aqua said to herself.

Vile overheard this and chuckled evilly…

"Not if I kill him myself." Said Vile as he and Terra disappeared.

Moments later three figures plus a giant ship could be seen falling from the sky above Aqua. The three figures then land near Aqua who just side stepped out of the way. The Pelican dropship then landed in the background behind them. Sarge, Simmons, and Grif could be seen on top of each other right by Aqua. All three Red soldiers could be seen dazed and unable to move at the moment.

"What in the world? Space Morons? In this part of the universe?" Aqua said in disbelief as she saw the Red Army in front of her, she blinked curiously, tilting her head to the side.

"Ugh...my body!" Simmons moaned in pain.

"Can we go to Burger King?" Grif asked while smoking in his armor.

"Must...kick...Grif's...ass...now!" Sarge said while pain engulfed his body from the fall.

"Ah I got pain in places I didn't think even existed." Simmons stated.

"Where the fuck are we? Looks like New York. If so can we get a pizza? I sure hope they did away with that stupid soda tax!" Grif said while looking at his surroundings.

"Whoa this doesn't even look like New York City in our current time, did we time travel?" Simmons asked, confused.

"Meh I don't care I just want a pizza." Grif stated.

"The only thing you will get dirt bag is a doctor, and good health insurance after I'm done with you! As far as I know we being here is all your fault!" Sarge accused Grif.

"Why can't it ever be the Blues fault? Hey there's one right there...mission accomplished! Now I'm gonna have a celebratory smoke break." Grif said while pointing at Aqua.

"Wow, she has blue hair sir." Said Simmons.

"Everything is blue on this chick...her hair, nails, eyes, lipstick, most of her clothes, and probably more. Her pubes are probably blue as well." Grif said while not being very...um diplomatic about the situation Reader.

"Men prepare emergency plan seven delta! We got a Blue spy in our mists!" Sarge ordered his troops.

"But sir where are we gonna find a fire truck at this time of the day?" Simmons asked.

"Damn it now we gotta move to emergency plan alpha beta, make contact with the enemy! Grif! I'm gonna assign this urgent matter to you, it'll mean life or death. And seeing that I want to see you in a coffin soon, you shall speak with this Blue, and remember piss her off quickly so she can kill you, so we can move in and attack!" Said Sarge.

"Hey Blue you have really big hooters! Does your huge tits dispense ice cream by the way? Man I could really go for some ice cream right now." Grif said while talking to Aqua...inappropriately.

"He's a dead man Simmons." Said Sarge.

"And a sexist." Said Simmons.

"I'm not a sexist Simmons...I just believe this Blue should be in the kitchen making me a sandwich is all! Now I really want a sandwich…"

Aqua wasn't happy at Grif's remark, she held her Keyblade high and shouted...

"Blizzard!" She said as she froze Grif.

"Hey look Sarge! Grif is a frozen statue."

"Now we wait for his inevitable demise! If anything he'll melt with the ice!" Sarge said.

"Don't say anything sexist around me again lemon head!" Aqua shouted at Grif while repeatedly bashing him in the balls with her Keyblade while he was still frozen.

'This day sucks! And I still haven't gone to Burger King yet.' Said Grif in his mind.

"Should we do something?" Simmons asked Sarge.

"No Simmons we shall let the natural order do it's stuff. It is Grif's fate to die, why should we stop it? It's all apart of God's plan." Sarge stated.

"What about the Blue chick? She seems pretty tough."

"Why yes she is Simmons, especially with that sword that looks like a key." Said Sarge.

"Yeah seriously that looks really dumb. Who the hell thought of that? Why not a part sword part gun weapon? Or part sword part laser cannon? Oh wait better idea part sword part shark! Yeah a shark sword that would be way better!"

"Simmons, honestly all your ideas sound dumb, even Grif can come up with something better, and anything he thinks of is automatically dumb in my book. And besides a sword part chainsaw is much better than a shark!" Sarge stated.

"I agree sir Grif's ideas are dumb!"

"OK seriously does your tits dispense ice cream or not?" Grif asked Aqua after the Blizzard spell wore off.

Aqua glared at him with an annoyed look...

"Don't you know that's a rude thing to say? First off my breasts don't dispense ice cream! That's not physically possible. Second, you never tell a girl that otherwise they'll dump you for another guy. And third it's SEXIST!" Aqua lectured him.

"This is the most disappointing moment of my entire life!" Grif said while in mourning.

"And this is the happiest moment in my life, Grif is in a pathetic state of sadness. Quick Simmons let's add insult to injury! Point and laugh at Grif!" Said Sarge.

"But I always do that sir!"

"But this time it's different, I am giving you an official order to point and laugh, not just off the record Simmons." Sarge pointed out.

"You guys are kind of weird." Aqua told the Reds.

"Aah the Blue is about to attack! Quick Simmons we must retreat so we can fight another day!" Said Sarge while cocking his shotgun.

"Please don't point that at me." Aqua told Sarge before using her Keyblade to freeze Sarge's shotgun.

"Sorry about him, he's pretty serious in our war with the Blues." Simmons explained to Aqua.

"AAAHHH...satanic magic! Simmons don't let her touch your gun with her voodoo stick!"

"It's not a...whatever you just said. It's my Keyblade." Aqua explained while showing them her Keyblade.

"I still think a chainsaw blade would be better...or a chainsaw gun!" Simmons said.

"Simmons that's a dumb idea, a shark blade sounds much better." Said Sarge.

"You're right sir! What was I thinking?"

"Tch kiss ass. Is it used to unlock the kitchen where you should be getting me some cookies?" Said Grif bluntly.

"Grif nobody asked you!" Sarge said unable to shoot Grif since the Blizzard spell hadn't worn off.

"Well at least that spell was used for something good." Said Grif while smoking in defiance.

"Shut up lemon head! I'm not a Blue...whatever that is. My favorite color is blue though. And yes my pubes are blue as well...but that's none of your damn business! You guys seem lost." Aqua said after setting Grif on fire with a Fire spell.

"FUCK! STOP, DROP, AND ROLL!" Said Grif while running around.

"We might have traveled back in ti-" Said Simmons before being cut off by Sarge.

"Hold on a minute Blue! You say you're not a Blue, and you sound almost convincing, but I shot enough Grifs to know to never trust anyone who wears blue. You could be transmitting our location to the Blues as we speak. And for that I say, we'll offer a trade. We'll give you Grif, and you can destroy your transmitter." Said Sarge.

"I'm not a Blue and I don't have a transmitter. Do I look like I work for the NSA? I said my favorite color is blue...OK?!"

"For all we know you might be the Blues' secret assassin!"

"You guys really need to learn how to treat a woman...properly! Ugh...men." Aqua said a little annoyed by the Reds but keeping a calm, cool, and collected demeanor.

"Hey, it's also kinda sexist of you to generalize all men like that." Simmons countered.

"Simmons be quiet before she uses her witchcraft on you and your gun!" Sarge said.

"No one wants to listen to the cold hard truth, this is why there's no progress on anything." Said Simmons.

"Simmons no one wants to hear your political nonsense!" Sarge said.

"You're right that was very rude...I apologize." Aqua told Simmons in a very sincere tone of voice.

"Wow, you actually apologized? People rarely do that these days." Simmons said shocked.

"Of course I love to help people. You guys can follow me till we find what you're looking for." Aqua told the Reds.

"I'd rather commit suicide the Red Army way, then swallow my pride and follow a no good dirty Blue!" Sarge said.

"Please? I can't just leave you guys here by yourselves." Aqua said before hugging Sarge trying to win him over with kindness.

"Ah Simmons she's hugging me! Quick do something! Call Command for an airstrike, Kill Grif! Do something!" Sarge panicked.

"But Sarge we don't know where we are! Maybe we should go with her?"

"I think that's a great idea she can make us food along the way." Said Grif.

"You'll get nothing but a belly full of lead dirt bag!" Sarge told Grif before shooting him.

"OW fuck! Hey Blue can you please freeze his shotgun again? It fucking hurts when he shoots...also MEDIC!" Grif said in pain.

"Better idea how about making it where it shoots ice so I can freeze Grif here?" Sarge asked Aqua.

Aqua kept a calm and collected look…

"I really can't, I have to focus my energy on finding my friend Ven and Master Xehanort."

"Men we must find our way back to the canyon!"

"Why?! We're back on Earth I say we forget the war and go get some pizza." Said Gif.

"This isn't the Earth I know and love meat shield! Simmons suggestions?"

"I say we follow her, she obviously knows more than we do about...wherever we are." Simmons suggested.

"Any suggestions that don't suck? If I wanted terrible suggestions I'd ask Grif!"

"OK we can wander around New York City all day and get lost while trying to find a way out." Said Simmons with sarcasm.

"Hmm...that might work Simmons. Plus there's a good chance Grif might end up dead. This is New York after all."

"That was sarcasm sir." Said Simmons.

"Simmons I don't have time to talk about your weeaboo Japanimation obsession right now! I have an army to run here and some Grif and Blue ass to kick."

"Aww man, I wanted to go with the Blue haired chick." Grif complained.

"Grif you traitorous scum how dare you say such traitorous things in front of me and betray the Red Army dirt bag! I have half a mind to court martial you!"

"Sarge she isn't even a Blue, and we really need someone's help." Grif stated.

"I don't want to hear the words of a traitor! Simmons take note that Grif is officially a traitor for trying to ally with the enemy."

Simmons just thought of something and whispered to Sarge…

"Sir what if we can recruit her into Red team when she isn't looking?"

"Simmons we don't even know her qualifications!"

"She froze Grif, is that good enough?" He stated.

"She set me on fire as well...stupid blue haired big boobied bitch! This is why you deserve to be in the kitchen making me a cake and not running around swinging a giant key...sword...thing!" Grif said bitterly while smoking.

"Hmmm…" Sarge thought for a second.

"Thunder!" Aqua said before summoning a Thunder spell from her Keyblade which then hit Grif.

"We'll go with your plan Simmons." Said Sarge.

"I'm Aqua a Keyblade Master. Who are you guys?"

"I'm Sarge the commanding officer of the Red Army over at Blood Gulch! This is Simmons my second in command! The orange one is Grif who is a no good lazy excuse for a soldier! I hate him almost as much as those Blue dirt bag scum!"

"A pleasure." Said Simmons warmly.

"You three are kind of odd but there's definitely a unique charm to you that I really like. Nice to meet you Sarge, Simmons, and Grif." Aqua said while shaking Sarge's hand.

"Likewise mam! The Red Army will follow you to Hell and back, all we want is to return to Blood Gulch so we can resume our war with the Blues and take their flag." Said Sarge.

"Hey I thought we hated her guts?! If not can I ask her to make me some soup?"

"The only guts I hate is yours dirt bag! Now to spill em all over the floor." Said Sarge while shooting Grif.

"Now Sarge you can't be shooting everyone we come in contact with. Grif stop asking me to make you food you'll eat when it's time and if you keep saying sexist things I'm going to take your food privileges away. Simmons your visor is dirty...here let me clean it for you." Aqua said before wiping Simmons' visor clean.

"What the heck? You're not our mom." Said Grif.

"I never said I was your mother Grif...also make sure to wash your hands before supper tonight."

"This is gonna be a long adventure." Said Simmons.

"I don't know I find it kind of fascinating in a way Simmons." Sarge said.

"I kinda agree, it is pretty exciting." Said Grif.

"Alright boys we should get a move on it's late and we don't need to run into any murderers or rapists." Aqua told the Reds.

"Don't worry mam, if we do run into any crooks we'll give them Grif." Said Sarge.

"Now Sarge I don't need you three to get hurt so try to stay close to me. Also since you seem to be the weakest out of the three Grif you may want to hold my hand when we cross the streets."

"Can you carry me instead? I feel too lazy to walk." Said Grif.

"No Grif you're a big boy you can walk on your own plus that armor looks pretty heavy. But do hold my hand since I don't need you to get hit by a car."

"Alright but I won't be walking." Said Grif.

"You will if you wanna live!" Sarge said while aiming his shotgun at Grif.

"Sarge...NO! Grif I'll give you an energy bar if you walk."

"Eew gross!" Said Grif.

"Fine here's a Snickers bar." Aqua said.

"Mine!" Said Grif greedily taking the Snickers bar for himself.

"No! What are you doing Aqua? Don't you know you're not suppose to feed Grif after midnight?!" Sarge said.

"It'll make him even more lazy!" Simmons stated.

"No Simmons! Didn't you watch those Gremlin movies?" Sarge said.

"I don't remember such a thing in the movies?" Simmons stated.

"Well that joke went over your head." Sarge said.

"Sorry sir." Said Simmons.

"Now where do we go?" Grif wondered.

"Should we flip a coin and see where we go?"

"Men we don't even know where we are!" Sarge stated.

"We're in Time Square Sarge." Grif stated.

"Where do we need to go?" Simmons asked.

"The Empire State building...I've always wanted to throw Grif from atop there." Sarge said.

"Sarge we have no business in there." Said Aqua.

"Ah why don't you take out all the fun will ya?" Sarge said with sadness.

"And besides who do you think you are? King Kong?" Grif retorted.

"Be quiet Grif before I start tossing barrels at you!" Sarge said.

Suddenly they can feel a large rumble down the block, as it feels like a mini-earthquake.

"EARTHQUAKE!" The Reds yelled.

"Guys stay close, and make sure to not wander away from me, hold my hand!" Said Aqua while grabbing Grif's hand.

"Am I the only one who notices that she's trying to take the role of our mother?" Grif said.

"Shut up Grif and do as she says." Said Simmons while grabbing Aqua's hand.

"Let's hope Grif dies in the earthquake." Sarge said while grabbing Simmons' hand.

Suddenly they can hear explosions and people running around for their lives.

"Well somebody is getting their asses kicked." Grif noted while holding Aqua's hand.

"We better check it out. Everyone stay close and don't even dare get out of my sight or its a timeout!" Aqua said sternly.

"A timeout? Is this blue haired chick serious?!" Grif asked baffled by Aqua's words.

"Better do what she says dirt bag or I'll give you my own brand of timeout." Said Sarge.

"I don't know how I feel about her acting like my mother though Sarge." Simmons said.

"Just do what she says for Pete's sake." Sarge grumbled.

"Fine." Simmons said.

"This way." Said Aqua as she led the Reds down the street towards the source of the explosion.

"Ugh...you're going too fast Aqua!" Grif complained.

"Hold up I'm gonna be sick!" Simmons complained.

"Just make sure to throw up on Grif and not in your helmet." Sarge said.

"Will do sir." Said Simmons.

"Are we there yet?" Grif asked.

"Grif if you bother us with another stupid question like that then it's latrine duty for a week!"

"Good thing we won't be getting back to the base in a while then." Grif said.

Aqua drag the Reds, who all held hands with each other to the source of the explosions, and once there they come across a person with a yellow and red suit with metal armbands on his arms and hands.

"Hey there's some weird guy wearing pajamas!" Grif said.

"What the fuck are we in? A comic book movie?" Said Simmons.

"Maybe Spider-Man, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Gargoyles, and The Avengers will show up?" Grif said.

"Wait I recognize that guy! It's Shocker! From the Spider-Man comics!" Said Simmons being nerdy as usual.

"I don't care let me know when Spider-Man shows up." Grif said.

"Out of my way!" Said Shocker as he electrocuted a passerby with his shockwaves he and some armed men could be seen carrying cash in bags.

"Hey I think they had a bag full of drugs...or doughnuts!" Grif deduced.

"We have to stop them." Said Aqua while getting her Keyblade ready.

"Isn't that what the cops are for?" Simmons asked.

"Dude no one trusts the cops to do anything all they do is sit around all day eating doughnuts! I wish I was a cop." Said Grif.

"We should send Grif after those strange men." Sarge said.

"Good idea sir, we might get the jump on them." Said Simmons being a kiss ass as usual.

"Now boys what did I say earlier?" Aqua said.

"Don't fight?" Simmons asked.

"I said stick close to me and not to wonder off especially alone. If you three don't listen you're not getting dessert and you have to eat your veggies." Aqua told the Reds.

"Eew veggies!" Said Grif.

"Eat your veggies Grif and drink your milk." Aqua told Grif.

"Got milk?" Simmons teased Grif.

"Is it chocolate?" Grif asked.

"No Grif it's regular milk so you can have a strong body, bones, and mind." Aqua said.

"Boo! I want chocolate!" Said Grif acting like a little kid.

"No Grif that's too much sugar! Now pair up with Simmons I need you guys to have a buddy system."

"Uh no we behave more like a tired old married couple." Grif explained.

"Oh just do it Grif!" Simmons said before grabbing Grif's hand.

"Fine!" Said Grif "But I won't like it."

"Come on boys we have to make sure nobody gets hurt!" Aqua told the Reds.

"Except Grif because he needs to be hurt pronto!" Said Sarge.

"No Sarge that's only when he says things he really shouldn't." Aqua said.

"Which is all the time mind you." Said Sarge.

"I think she means when he says things that are sexist." Simmons said.

"I hope after this you go make me a sandwich lady." Said Grif.

"NO DESSERT GRIF!" Aqua said while hitting Grif in the balls with her Keyblade.

"OW! Fucking Christ that hurt!" Grif groaned.

"I don't see how you have armor and energy shields." Simmons said.

"Simmons it's best not to question it." Said Sarge.

"Come on you three let's go!" Aqua said.

"ON it!" Said the Reds as they followed Aqua to face Shocker.

Aqua and the Reds chase Shocker to a nearby park where a bunch of homeless people can be seen sleeping. Aqua decides to confront the criminal with his bag of money. The Reds stand behind Aqua with their weapons equipped.

"Hold it right there! What do you think you're doing with that stolen munny?!" Aqua said while pointing her Keyblade at Shocker.

"Who in God's shit bowl are these clowns?" Shocker asked his men.

"Give us the money and will give you Grif!" Sarge said while pointing at Grif.

"...Brahahahhahahaha! You're joking right? We'll give you all this money that we killed maimed, and destroyed for? Like fat chance you Storm Trooper cosplayer!" Said Shocker.

"Damn it Grif you're so useless not even the bad guys will take you!" Sarge said.

"Like they give a fuck Sarge." Said Grif.

"Give us back the munny or will attack!" Aqua told Shocker.

"And who are you suppose to be? Spider-Girl? Fuck off dweebs!" Said Shocker.

"Did somebody say Spider-Man?!" A voice said from nearby.

"Crap it's the web head!" Shocker said in shock.

"Hey Shocker I just sent you a poke on Square-Book!" Spider-Man said.

"Hey is this thing on? I didn't come here thousands of miles by air plane to have a broken mic..ah there we go I was about to chop it off with my chainsaw arm to if the little shit didn't comply. Anyhow ladies and gentlemen, you might know me as the guy with a very bad haircut, and killer chin, but it is I Ash Williams from the Evil Dead movies, I was asked to narrate in Max Payne's place while he went to play cops and robbers with terrorists. So Spidey why don't you knock out those bad guys while I admire myself in the mirror for an hour. Thanks buddy." Said Ash from well off screen Reader.

"Yes but only after I troll Shocker!" Spider-Man said.

"Yeah you do whatever is you do." Said Ash.

"Hey I think that's Bruce...er I mean Ash!" Simmons told his allies.

"Is he seriously narrating? What the fuck is going on here?" Said Grif confused.

"Oooh the narrator sounds really sexy." Aqua said.

"I know right?" Said Simmons being all fanboy.

"I'm pretty sure she likes him for far different reasons then you Simmons." Grif said.

"Shut up Grif, you're ruining the moment." Said Simmons.

"What a nerd." Said Grif.

"I didn't realize that Simmons wanted to bone Ash just like Aqua apparently does." Sarge said.

"What...no! I just want his autograph." Said Simmons.

"It's OK Simmons I'm sure Aqua will share Ash with you." Grif said.

"Shut up Grif!" Said Simmons angrily.

"Mmmm...no I don't want to share." Aqua said while drooling.

"Hey Shocker I just sent you a picture!" Spider-Man said after texting Shocker a picture of his spider balls.

"OK now that's revolting Spider-Freak!" Said Shocker Before blasting away at Spider-Man.

"Totally worth it...eat your heart out Deadpool!" Spider-Man said while web slinging towards Aqua's group.

"Stay still web head!" Said Shocker while firing electricity at Spidey.

"Hello Space Morons...Ooh hey there baby nice tits." Spider-Man said to Aqua before firing webbing at Shocker.

"Oh my God it's Spider-Gu...I mean Spider-Man." Said Simmons in fanboy mode.

"How come when I say things like make me food I get attacked but when Spider-Man says things about Aqua's boobs nothing happens to him?" Grif questioned.

"Because no one likes you dirt bag." Sarge stated.

"Because he's Spider-Man!" Simmons pointed out.

"I just wish everyone would stop talking about my boobs." Aqua said.

"Sorry lady but men can't help it!" Said Grif.

"They're really big...like bigger than my head!" Simmons said.

"Take this Shocker...this is exactly what I did to your mom last night!" Spider-Man said while firing webbing at Shocker.

Shocker's face get webbed as he tries to take it off. He is now blind.

"Fuck I can't see!"

"Yep that's exactly what she said last night...she just couldn't handle my spider dick."

"You're toast web head! As soon as I can see." Said Shocker trying to pull the webbing from his face.

"But first we need to play the most American sport of them all...BASEBALL!" Spider-Man said before creating a baseball bat out of webbing and hitting Shocker in the balls repeatedly over and over again.

"OW! Bloody MURDER!" Shocker yelled in pain he then put his palm up and fired his gauntlet at anywhere, and at anything. He managed to hit Grif.

"OW! Son of a bitch." Grif yelled as his shields were screwed up from Shocker's electricity.

"Hey you missed...you were suppose to kill Grif!" Sarge yelled at Shocker.

"Sarge don't encourage him." Said Simmons.

"Simmons I will encourage whoever I want because I'm leader of the Red Army!" Sarge said before being hit by Shocker's electricity taking out his shields.

"You were saying?" Grif retorted.

"I'm just glad I wasn't hit in the face." Simmons said before being hit by Shocker's electricity.

"Jinxed!" Grif mocked.

"Are you three alright? Is anyone hurt? Grif? Simmons? Sarge?" Aqua asked in a panicked voice while touching all over Grif's armor.

"Hey I'm smoking don't touch my helmet!" Said Grif annoyed.

"WHAT?! Grif give me that! Don't you know smoking is bad for you? Ugh...I was really worried about you three." Aqua said after taking Grif's cigarette away.

"Hey that's my favorite smoke!" Grif protested.

"I like her Simmons! Anyone who makes Grif's life a living Hell is A ok in my book." Said Sarge.

"She's still trying to be our mother though." Simmons said.

"Don't question her tactics you understand?" Sarge warned.

"Yes sir." Simmons said with a sigh.

"Good." Said Sarge.

"Now boys try not to get hurt...Grif stand next to me." Aqua said before pulling Grif next to her.

"Can I have food first?" Said Grif.

"No Grif will eat after were done fighting." Aqua said.

"Grif will never eat as long as I'm in charge of Red team." Said Sarge.

"Too bad Sarge I'm pulling rank as Keyblade Master I say Grif can eat till he does something to lose his eating privileges." Aqua said.

"Easier said than done." Simmons stated.

"Quickly Grif do something to get your eating rights removed...forever!" Sarge said.

"Can we just focus on getting out?" Said Grif.

"Hey Space Morons! How about you actually help instead of just standing there and just talking?!" Spider-Man said while attacking Shocker.

"Should we help? Our shields are out." Simmons asked Sarge.

"Guys don't hurt yourselves." Aqua said.

"We suck at shooting anyway." Said Grif.

"Grif you will stand by me and not get out of my sight." Aqua told Grif.

"Can I just stand here? Without moving?" He asked her.

"No but you have to stay near me." Aqua said.

"Does that mean I have to move?" Grif whined.

"Yes Grif now stand right next to me!" Aqua said while holding Grif's hand.

"Crap!" Grif moaned.

"You can't hide from me noob your face is like a magnet for my fists!" Spider-Man said while punching Shocker in the face over and over again.

"Oh shut up web head!" Said Shocker as he fought back.

"Ha! Is that how you fight? You punch like an old person!" Spider-Man said while blocking Shocker's attacks.

Shocker was only getting warmed up though he sped up his punches almost giving Spidey a scare. However the web slinger still managed to dodge them thanks to his spider reflexes. Shocker fired away at Spidey with his electronic vaughts. Spider-Man dodged them as they struck several skyscrapers.

"Damn it Shocker you're getting sloppy! Just who do you think you are? Some lowly criminal? Step up your game son!" Spider-Man told Shocker.

"He really does suck at fighting Spider-Man." Said Grif while watching.

"Shush Grif! If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all." Aqua told Grif.

"Oh boy this is gonna be one heck of an adventure." Said Grif sarcastically.

"It's OK Grif I love you as well." Aqua said while hugging the orange slacker tightly.

"I blame this on Simmons!" Said Grif.

"What? How the hell is this my fault?! Fuck you Grif!" Simmons yelled.

"You suggested to Sarge we follow her remember?"

"I didn't tell her to hug you!"

Suddenly Shocker punched Spider-Man in the gut sending him flying towards them.

"HOLY SPIDER BALLS BATMAN!" Spider-Man yelled.

"Oh no! He's losing!" Said Simmons in fear.

"I...swear...to...ass...I'm...gonna...kick...your...god!" Spider-Man said after landing near the Reds.

"At least he didn't hit me." Said Grif.

"We should form a plan." Aqua said.

"I agree! Grif! Go over there and die for your country! And the Red army….but mostly for my amusement." Said Sarge.

"I'll go over there and attack him while you three distract him...try not to get hurt though." Aqua said.

"Grif go over there and distract him." Sarge stated.

"Sir I think she meant all three of us." Simmons said.

"Go on Grif we're counting on you! Make sure to die quickly!" Said Sarge.

"Sarge, Simmons, and Grif get over there now!" Aqua said very sternly.

"Oh fine!" Sarge grumbled as they followed over.

"Alright Shocker it's time for round two!" Spider-Man said after getting up and confronting Shocker again.

"Oh I'm looking forward to it web head!" Said Shocker while cracking his knuckles.

"Now let me tell you how I'm going to whoop your ass!" Spider-Man said as he fought Shocker.

"Not if I kick yours first." Said Shocker as he fired away at Spidey with his electricity.

"Normally I would be inclined to believe that but I always end up kicking your ass so I have to dismiss that statement as bullshit!" Spider-Man said while dodging Shocker's attacks while firing webbing at him.

Shocker dodged Spider-Man's webbing and continued firing away at him.

"Hey you yellow pajama man!" Sarge yelled.

Shocker turned his attention to Sarge…

"What do you want Space Moron?" Said Shocker.

"OK we got his attention. Now what?" Grif asked.

"I just hope Aqua does something soon." Simmons said.

"If you want to rob people, and break the laws, then you're going to have to suffer the consequences! Red army style!" Said Sarge while cocking his shotgun.

"Wait...no don't piss him off!" Grif said.

"Yeah Sarge he already took out our shields." Simmons informed him.

"Men you heard our orders we have to distract him and that's what we're gonna do!" Sarge said.

"Great!" Said Grif sarcastically.

"Hey Shocker...this is the fuck that I don't give!" Spider-Man said before sucker punching Shocker in the face.

"Ow my face!" Shocker said while touching his face.

Aqua then appeared behind Shocker and started to melee attack him with her Keyblade. After he was distracted by the Reds and Spider-Man. The blue haired girl then used magic spells like Blizzard and Fire on Shocker.

"Ah! What the fuck are you bitch?" Said Shocker in pain as he tried to punch Aqua.

"I think she's a wizard." Grif said.

"A wizard did it! Get it?" Said Simmons.

"Simmons that was so awful you don't get to talk...for awhile." Sarge said.

"But Grif made me do it!" Simmons scapegoated Grif.

"I feel the urge to blame someone as well...so I'm blaming Aqua." Grif said.

"Lies! Especially from you Grif." Said Sarge.

"Aqua this is all your fault now go make me a sandwich!" Grif said.

Aqua was too busy fighting Shocker with Spider-Man to give a damn, she viciously kept pounding on Shocker.

"Grif you can't just order people to make you food during battle!" Simmons said.

"Yes I can, there's no rule or law saying I can't." Grif countered.

"Men it's time to attack...FOR THE RED ARMY!" Sarge said before throwing Grif at Shocker.

"Motherfucker!" Said Grif before crashing into Shocker

"If only we had a cannon that could shoot Grif instead sir." Said Simmons.

"Yes Simmons a sort of Grif cannon if you will."

"Excellent idea sir!" Said Simmons being all kiss ass.

"Grif get out of the way you're going to get hurt!" Aqua said while attacking Shocker.

"Don't blame me, blame Sarge!" Said Grif while returning to his teammates.

"Hey Shocker my spider senses are tingling! It's time to kick you in the balls." Spider-Man said before kicking Shocker in the balls.

"OW my fucking balls!" Shocker cursed while in a fetal position.

"Any last words Shocker before I leave you for the cops?" Spider-Man asked Shocker.

"Fuck you!" Said Shocker before firing at Aqua.

"That'll do pig...that'll do." Spider-Man said before webbing up Shocker upside down on the nearest lamp post.

Aqua managed to avoid Shocker's attack which hit Grif.

"Ow!" Said Grif.

"You guys OK?" Aqua asked the Reds.

"We're fine except for Grif." Said Sarge.

"Grif are you OK?" Aqua asked the orange soldier in a worried voice.

"Medic!" Grif shouted in pain.

"Hold still Grif." Aqua said before using a Cure spell to heal Grif.

"Wow that actually feels good! Thanks." Said Grif while feeling better.

"You're welcome Grif. We should probably leave soon boys." Aqua told the Reds.

"Whoa did I miss all the action or what? OH you took out the bad guys, good for you, here's your gold star. But the thing is guys, Shocker isn't really the main bad guy here. He was a sideshow to introduce Web Head here. You still got a lot stuff to do for this chapter we're not even remotely done, although I wish we were because I got some Deadites to kill and spout cheesy 80s one liners fan boys get all giddy about. Ya dig?" Said Ash.

"Alright it's clobbering time...no wait that's The Thing's catchphrase!" Spider-Man said while cracking his knuckles.

"Um yeah Spidey you see, Fox owns the movie rights to Fantastic Four, I'm afraid you cannot say anything about them unless you want to see Sony and Fox duke it out...hmm you know what forget what I just said. I would like to see that fight for myself, while sitting in this chair." Said Ash.

"So would I invisible voice from the sky!" Spider-Man said.

"Now go fuck with those Red guys for a bit then head on out to fight the true bad guy, time is money and I don't even get paid for this! You know why? Because I volunteered for this baby!" Said Ash.

"So who wants to meet Spider-Man?"

"Oh me me me me!" Said Simmons.

"Not you nerd you're too nerdy to be around Spider-Man!"

"Awww! Way to go Grif!" Simmons blamed Grif for nothing.

"Fuck you Simmons I'm not nerdy like you and your Captain Kirk poster!"

"Which you will never touch...EVER!" Simmons warned with venom in his mouth.

"I don't want to touch it you nerd! Star Wars is better…" Grif said.

"Oh shut up Grif, you wouldn't know culture even if it bit you in the ass." Said Simmons.

"I got a Blade tattoo that says otherwise nerd!" Said Grif.

"Deja vu for some reason." Sarge stated.

"Hey Aqua you wanna see my awesome Blade tattoo?" Grif asked his party leader.

"Grif! Where did you get that tattoo? Don't you know its unhealthy to get a tattoo? You might have gotten a disease like HIV, and also it might send the wrong signal." Said Aqua shaking her head in disappointment.

"Huh that's weird...this book I bought off of E-Bay called How to Get Chicks So They'll Cook for You says that the response I'm suppose to get is different. Hmm...must have gotten the wrong tattoo."

"No Grif it's because she thinks we're children." Simmons told him.

"Aww man...but I'm like in my 20's!"

"Shut up you big orange baby!" Said Sarge.

"Now boys behave yourselves!" Aqua said.

"I'll make them behave because this fighting gave me cancer!" Said Spidey before firing a web shot at Grif, he then jumped to a building and made Grif dangle from it.

"Ugh...I think I'm gonna be sick!" Grif said.

"How do you like that lemon head?" Said Spider-Man while pointing and laughing at him.

"Get me down from here!" Grif yelled.

"First I have to beat you like a pinata!" Spider-Man said before beating up Grif with a baseball bat.

"OW! Fuck! Let me down you stupid spider!" Said Grif while getting whacked by Spidey.

"After I eat this pizza I just ordered." Spider-Man said while eating a pizza and laughing at Grif for being lazy.

"Oh look Grif you made a new friend...that's sweet." Aqua said.

"We're not friends! Help me for God's sake!" Grif shouted.

"Hold on Grif let me take a picture of this." Aqua said while using her blue smartphone to take a picture of Grif.

"Good idea I'll use my armor's built in camera to capture this glorious moment!" Said Sarge.

"Damn it I'm getting dizzy!" Grif said.

"Make sure to throw up in your helmet dirtbag!"

"Grif you going to be OK?" Aqua asked with concern.

"Define OK…" Said the lazy soldier while feeling sick.

"Simmons get him down before he passes out." Aqua said to Simons.

"Why me? Go ask Spider-Man he put him up there." Simmons protested.

"Because I put you two in a buddy system that's why. Now go do it or there will be no cake!"

"But he put Grif so high..." Said Simmons while looking up at Grif who was pretty high Reader.

"Hurry up Simmons I want cake damn it!"

"Oh fuck you Grif!" Said Simmons as he ran into the building.

"Ha it's funny because I have pizza and you don't lard ass!" Spider-Man taunted Grif.

"How about I give you Simmons' Star Trek poster for it?" Said Grif.

"Hell no that shit is for nerds!"

"Aren't you suppose to be a nerd when you're not in pajamas?" Grif countered.

"Aren't you suppose to be not a fat ass?"

"Hey don't make me come over there!" Said Grif a bit upset at being called fat.

"And do what? Try to punch me while running out of breath?"

"I...wait let me think of a good answer." Said Grif.

"I declare this a very good day!" Sarge announced.

"Grif!" Said Simmons while climbing out of a window.

"What? Did you bring cake?"

"No I came to fucking rescue you dumbass!" Said Simmons while standing on the ledge tip toeing to Grif.

"Well hurry up Aqua owes me cake!"

"She owes you nothing!"

"She does if I say she does."

"Sexist!"

"Pfft...yeah right."

"Whatever Grif just hold still." Said Simmons while going near him carefully tip toeing through the ledge of the building.

"What kind of cake do you think it is?" Grif asked still thinking about the non existent cake Aqua mentioned earlier.

"Oh I hope its-" Simmons shook his head "Damn it Grif don't get me sidetracked when I'm trying to save you!"

"I hope it's chocolate."

"Almost...Ahh fuck!" Said Simmons almost losing his balance.

"Sarge do you think they'll be OK?" Aqua asked Sarge.

"To be honest ma'am no." Said Sarge.

"I should probably go help them...I don't need them to get hurt."

"Easy Simmons!" Said Grif.

"Simmons! Grif! Be careful up there!" Aqua told the two.

"Easy for her to say." Simmons complained.

"Watch it Simmons!" Grif said.

Finally Simmons made it to where Grif was dangling.

"Finally." He said with a sigh of relief.

"Great now cut me down from here!"

"Um...I don't have a knife." Said Simmons.

"Then use your gun to shoot me down!"

"Alright!" Said Simmons before shooting the webbing with a pistol.

"AAAHHH!" Grif screamed as he fell down to the ground near Sarge and Aqua.

Grif landed right in front of Sarge and Aqua, amazingly he survived but is in great pain.

"Ugh...can I have that cake now?" Grif moaned in pain.

"Hey um can someone get me down from here?" Simmons shouted from the building.

"Just jump Simmons we don't have time for you to play games!" Sarge said.

"But sir!" Said Simmons.

"Just do it Simmons I don't have all day!"

"Hey Spidey this chapter is wearing out it's welcome. Now go save the nerd so I can go to Hooters already!" Said Ash.

"Silly narrator everyone knows Taco Bell is better!" Spider-Man said before shooting webbing at Simmons' visor before yanking him down off the nearest building's rooftop.

"AAAAHH! I didn't even meet Captain America yet!" Simmons screamed at the top of his lungs.

"So about that cake…" Grif said to Aqua still not getting over about the non existent cake she mentioned earlier.

"Grif we'll talk about the cake later we must help Simmons first." Said Aqua.

"He's fine he's laying on ground." Grif said while pointing at Simmons.

"Simmons stop sleeping on the job! I expect that from Grif not my second in command! I'm really disappointed in you right now...but mostly Grif."

"Is that you Mario?" Said Simmons dazed.

"But you're always disappointed in me." Grif told Sarge.

"And that will never change." Sarge stated.

"Quite frankly I don't want it to." Grif said.

Aqua helped Simmons up...

"You OK my little Space Moron?" Aqua said soothingly.

"Please never call me that...ever again." Simmons told Aqua.

"Yeah can we pretend we don't know her when we're in public? It's kind of embarrassing to be honest." Grif told his teammates.

"I second that notion." Simmons agreed.

"Simmons! Grif! You should both be ashamed of yourselves! Aqua here has volunteered to help us find a way back to Blood Gulch and you two keep giving her a hard time. If I hear one more negative word about our new ally I'm gonna put both of you on latrine duty till the war is over! Also you'll both have to share a room while I use the other room as a storage room for my stuff and our flag. Now if only we had another member of our group who annoyed everyone that I could threaten to pair up with you two at times like this. Oh well…"

"Hopefully that day will never come." Said Grif with a sigh.

"Are you Space Morons done being Space Morons? I have to meet the narrator at Taco Bell soon." Spider-Man asked.

"Yes can you lead us out of here?" Said Sarge.

"No I'm allergic to Space Morons!" Spider-Man said while now wearing a gas mask over his regular mask.

"Hey look the news is on!" Simmons pointed to a TV monitor from a shopping place.

"We interrupt your daily dose of propaganda and nonsensical non news for real breaking news. The Green Goblin is attacking laboratories and stealing secret information. Why is this important you may ask? Because it's not. Spider-Man will just stop him as always. Now can I get my break." Said the TV news anchor man from the TV.

"Alright time to kick Goblin's ass...again!" Spider-Man said.

"Oh! Oh Can we come and help? I wanna meet the Green Goblin! His actor in Spider-Man 1 was awesome." Said Simmons going all fanboy.

"That movie sucked...in fact both the first and third ones sucked!" Spider-Man said.

"Get on with it already!" Ash yelled while eating a sandwich.

"You heard the voice from the sky let's go!" Said Spidey.

"Damn that voice is sexy."

"Aqua nobody wants to hear about your sex life." Grif said.

"Shut up Grif!" Said Simmons.

"I'll consider it if I get cake."

"I'll give you cake once we leave this world Grif." Said Aqua.

"Where's Goblin? He's late for his ass kicking from me! Also I'm gonna miss Wheel of Fortune!" Spider-Man said.

"Shouldn't we look for him though?" Simmons asked.

"Look? I'd rather he came to us." Said Grif.

"I'm gonna be mad if I miss Wheel of Fortune tonight...I can't get a hold of MJ, Gwen, or Black Cat! Stupid Space Morons…" Spider-Man said while looking at his red and blue smartphone.

"Aren't you supposed to be married or what?" Said Grif.

"No Grif he's not, you can blame that on The One more day comic book story line." Simmons corrected him.

"Whatever, I go by the 90's cartoon." Said Grif.

"That wasn't even MJ, it was a clone by HydroMan." Said Simmons.

"Way to spoil it Simmons." Said Grif.

"Oh it's 2014, I'm sure our Readers would know." Said Simmons.

"Well if not they can always send hate mail to us." Grif said.

"Which comes in every 5 seconds if my calculations are correct."

Over in space Sora's ship during KH2 can be seen. Inside the ship Caboose can be seen in his room looking through e-mail and postal mail. The blue armored moron was put in charge of both hate mail and fan mail by Church.

"Let's see bills...fan mail...hate mail...mail for Church-Bay...restraining orders for Tucker...lawsuits...cease and desists letters from Simmons' imaginary friend. Hmm...nothing for me." Caboose said while sorting through the mail.

Back to the group...

"C'mon we got a Goblin to web. Also One More Day is my favorite comic!" Said Spider-Man before releasing a web string at a nearby building.

"Do we have to move?" Grif asked.

"Move or no cake." Aqua threatened Grif with no food.

"Damn it!" Grif said.

"Come on Grif or you'll be spending all your life on top of the Empire State building." Said Sarge.

"I'm starting to get tired of this place." Simmons said.

"Alright I'm going I'm going sheesh." Said Grif before following Spider-Man.

"Now boys be careful I don't need any of you getting kidnapped or seriously hurt." Aqua told the Reds.

"Except for Grif for we want him dead." Said Sarge.

"No Sarge!" Aqua said sternly with a disappointed look on her face.

"Uh oh." Said Simmons.

"Finally some well deserved respect!" Grif said.

"Just this once dirt bag, just this once." Sarge threatened him.

"It's OK Grif." Aqua said while hugging Grif.

"Please stop hugging me...your boobs are squeezing the life out of me!" Grif complained.

"Am I going to have to leave you losers behind or what?" Said Spidey from far away.

"Coming! Hold my hand Grif." Aqua told the orange soldier.

"Can I hold Simmons' hand?" Said Grif sarcastically.

"No." Aqua said.

"Whatever, just make me that cake once we leave." Said Grif.

"After supper Grif I don't need you spoiling your appetite with junk food!"

"Awww!" Grif moaned.

"Come on!" Aqua said while dragging Grif behind her.

The Reds followed her as Spider-Man led the way to outskirt of the Oscorp building where Green Goblin was located. Green Goblin can be seen with green skin, yellow eyes, purple gloves, purple boots, purple tanktop, purple shorts, pointed purple hat, two jack o'lanterns in his hands, and a metallic glider under his feet.

"Goblin!" Spider-Man shouted at the villain.

"So there you are Spider-Freak, I was wondering what was taking you so long heheheh." Said the Goblin while cackling evilly.

"Why does that guy sound like Willem Dafoe?" Grif wondered.

"Oh man! He does! Can I ask for your autograph GG?" Said Simmons.

"Hey that's Mr. Spider-Freak to you Goblin!" Spider-Man told Goblin.

"Whatever, so you plan to stop me huh? Well I have news for you, I already have set my plans into motion, you will never beat me. Not you or your new sidekicks."

"Those aren't sidekicks those are Space Morons and one hot blue haired chick with big tits!"

"Hey he just called us sidekicks." Grif pointed out.

"You're not sidekicks...I work alone damn it!"

"But I was gonna make a costume." Said Simmons in sadness.

"NERD!" Spider-Man said while pointing at Simmons.

"So pathetic." Said Grif while eye rolling behind his visor.

"Grif behave yourself!" Aqua said.

"You're not my mother, and even I don't listen to her." Said Grif dryly.

"Do you want a timeout and no supper?!" Aqua asked Grif with a pissed off look on her face.

"What? Don't tell me she doesn't understand sarcasm." Said Grif.

"Yes Aqua I agree Grif should have his supper taken away." Sarge said.

"Enough talk Spider-Man I will destroy you!"

"Not if I kick your green ass first! It's troll vs goblin and I assure you I will win!"

"You are indeed the ultimate troll!" Goblin agreed, "But I will still crush you like the insect you are."

"Don't you know biology? I'm an arachnid not an insect." Spidey corrected him.

"You will soon be a squashed spider under my boot!"

"Eew who told you that disgusting joke? J.J. So lame. So unoriginal." Spider-Man snorted.

"I will soon send you to spider Hell!" Goblin said while holding two jack o' lanterns in his hands with lit fuses on them.

"One time I had a dream that Dr. Octopus' soul was in my body...it was weird."

"One time I dreamed I was in Captain Kirk's bed ro..I mean Captain's chair." Said Simmons randomly.

"Why the hell were you in his bed?" Grif asked Simmons.

"I didn't say that, I meant Captains chair." Said Simmons.

"That statement told me more than what I wanted to know about you Simmons." Grif said.

"Sarge right I only said Captains' chair right? If you say no then you agree with Grif." Simmons stated.

"I heard bed but I don't want to agree with Grif...I'll just agree with Aqua by default."

"I heard you say bedroom Simmons." Said Aqua.

"This annoys me!" Goblin said before throwing some explosive pumpkins at Grif.

"Ow...hey is that pumpkin pie? Sweet!" Said Grif.

"NO GRIF DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Aqua yelled at Grif.

Just as Grif did, he exploded…

"Ow...medic!" Said Grif.

"Grif what did I just tell you not even five minutes ago?!"

"OK I'll admit that was pretty funny." Spider-Man said while laughing.

"You won't be laughing after I kill you." Said Green Goblin as he fired away at Spidey.

"You won't be laughing either when I send you to jail for the thousandth time!" Spider-Man said as he used his webbing to catch Green Goblin's explosives and sending them back at him.

"Why not just kill him already, and save yourself the trouble with him?" Grif questioned.

"Grif! Super heroes don't kill, it's against their code!" Said Simmons.

"Because Marvel won't let me! Besides who do I look like Deadpool? Also known as Ninja Spider-Man."

"And their owned by Disney to." Stated Simmons.

"Quiet Space Morons I'm working here!"

"Should we help him?" Grif stated.

"Of course we should...always!" Aqua said.

"Why? Do we have some contract that says we should? We're not obligated to help anyone." Grif protested.

"Grif you'll do as Master Aqua tells you!" Sarge told Grif.

"Fine!"

"Prepare to get your ass kicked Goblin!" Spider-Man said.

"I beg to differ!" Said Green Goblin as he got ready for battle.

He flew down to them several feet in the air. He threw pumpkin bombs at everyone but they managed to dodge them including the Reds. On his command Sarge ordered his men to fire at the sinister super villain. Goblin dodged their bullets with ease. Aqua managed to reach him, and strike at Goblin with her Keyblade.

He flinched for a moment as Spider-Man web slinged to him landing some kicks, before Goblin flew a little higher into the sky. He launched some missiles from his glider, aiming for Spider-Man. Spider-Man webbed sling out of harms reach with some of the missiles hitting Grif. Aqua promptly healed him, and soothed him like she was his mother. The Reds fired at Goblin which did little damage. Aqua was helped by Spider-Man who lifted her into the air with his webbing allowing her to strike at the Green Goblin with multiple slashes.

Spider-Man quickly picked her up before she can fall down and let her back on the ground. Spider-Man webbed zipped at Green Goblin, giving him a powerful kick to the chest. Green Goblin punched Spider-Man in return as the web slinger zipped to a building and crawled on it. Goblin fired machine gun bullets from his glider at him. Thanks to his Spidey sense, Spider-Man quickly dodged them and fired web shots at Goblin temporarily blinding him.

The Reds fired at him again this time doing some damage. Spider-Man lept out of the building's wall with a high jump, and landing a blow to Goblin's head with a kick, and then punched him again. He managed to knock out Goblin off his glider which made the super villain fall to the ground. Lucky for him he survived, and was still able to fight. Aqua rushed up to him, slashing him viciously.

Sarge got a little close and fired at Goblin from the back. Grif and Simmons fired their assault rifles at Goblin giving the super villain some damage. Goblin however did manage to easily dodge some of their attacks as he punched Aqua a few times, and kicking Sarge in the chest. He was soon reunited with his glider as he rose back to the sky. He fired a flurry of pumpkin bombs to the heroes, causing storm of pumpkins.

Aqua, Spider-Man, and the Reds managed to dodge to Goblins onslaught. Spider-Man even managed to web a pumpkin bomb and deliver it back at Goblin. Goblin couldn't dodge the attack, and got hurt by the bomb's blast Spider-Man quickly went in and delivered some powerful kicks to the psychotic villain. Goblin dropped from his glider again, and fell to the ground. He started to pant as he braced for the ground team's attack.

Aqua casted some ice attacks which caused Goblin to be frozen, this allowing the Reds to fire away at him. After ten seconds of being frozen, he shattered the glass and attacked Aqua, who guarded against his attacks. She countered back with a swift Keyblade slash across his torso, leaving a gash in his costume. His glider returned to him as he returned to the sky above. He fired some more bullets at them, but they evaded well except for Grif who got hurt.

Don't worry Reader he's fine. Spider-Man stopped him by kicking him real hard off his glider, causing the super villain to fall into ground with a large thud. He decided to call it quits as he was in too much pain. Spider-Man reunited with his allies on the ground.

"I give! Just take me to jail already!" Goblin complained.

"And let that be a lesson to you Goblin...never ever ever fuck with Spider-Man!"

"Oh but we all like to fuck with you a hundred times over Spider-Freak till you're good as dead."

"Then have fun getting fucked in jail Goblin!" Spider-Man said.

"You know I'll be back! I always come back."

"No shit Sherlock." Spider-Man said.

The cops then take Goblin away...

"Well that was a pretty good fight, not Muhammad Ali vs Sonny Liston or Rocky vs that Russian guy kind of good fight, but a good fight nonetheless, and on pay per view! Good thing I watched it for free because I am the narrator plus Ash! I don't have to pay to see something good. Alright so we're done here peeps, you defeated the bad guy, and are celebrated as heroes, good for you. Now go do whatever it is you need to do, while I look for more deadites to kill...groovy!"

"I still want cake." Grif said.

"The cake is a lie." Aqua told Grif.

"I thought that meme died already?" Simmons said.

"Who cares? Grif doesn't get cake which means he's now sad which means I'm very happy right now!"

"Fuck! Screw this I'm going to Burger King" Grif complained while looking for the nearest BK Lounge.

"Grif get back here right now! I told you not to leave my sights. Now get back over here right now young man or no supper tonight for you!"

"Young man? I'm older than you woman!" Grif told Aqua.

"Grif! That is not how you respond to a lady! It looks like I'm gonna have to teach you some manners!" Said Aqua.

"This day just keeps getting better and better." Sarge said with a smile.

"Agreed sir! Not for Grif though." Simmons sucked up to Sarge.

"Let's hope it stays that way." Sarge said.

"I'll make sure of it." Said Simmons.

"Alright boys let's get out of here." Aqua told the Reds.

"Let's." Said the Reds.

"And so then our fellow heroes...Oh sorry I mean Space Morons left New York City after finding the Reds' drop ship. Spider-Man then once again attempted to call MJ, Gwen, and Black Cat for the hundredth time that night. So that he could talk them into having an orgy with him. Goblin was once again thrown in jail with Spider-Man's other foes. Aqua thought my voice was very manly and sexy...and I'm OK with that. Also I was able to eat a sandwich while an eighteen year old college girl gave me a blowjob...Because I'm Ash damn it! Good night Reader I'm now going to go and collect my paycheck for this narration I just did."

**To Be Continued… **


	4. Wolverines

**Red vs ****Blue****: The Birth By Sleep Saga**

**Episode 4: ****Wolverines! **

Over at the city of New York Terra and Vile could be seen walking around the city. It's night time and the full moon can be seen above all the tall buildings and skyscrapers. Vile can be seen teaching Terra how to be evil...Still. Terra can be seen playing with his purple smart phone. While not really paying attention to Vile at the current moment. Vile had ordered Terra to help him spray paint his body purple earlier after leaving the Sleeping Beauty world. Due to the fact that Vile missed his body being purple...Plus he hated red and black.

"Can't believe didn't give me a body in purple." Vile grumbled to himself which Terra could barely hear, Vile was hiding out in an alleyway and under a cardboard box.

"Why are you in a cardboard box Vile?"

"Trying to keep this paint dry, I don't wanna be black and red anymore." Said Vile.

"Yeah you're right purple looks a lot better and friendlier."

"Fuck being friendly! Being a jerk to people is much better! You're going to have to lose that stupid goody good personality of yours if you wanna be evil." Vile stated.

"But it's who I am!"

"And that's why you're weak, a child could be more evil than you if it tried! You need some serious training to get rid of the goodness in you." Said Vile.

"Oh Vile you just don't get me."

"You have the potential I can see it in your fleshy body, meat sack! Now to teach a new lesson in evil...Stealing!" Vile said as he got out of the box.

"I thought you were going to live in the box?"

Vile punched him in the gut, "Pay attention weakling! For your first lesson I want you to..." Vile looked around for a target, his optics laid upon a guy walking with two New York Yankee Tickets. "Steal those tickets!" Vile pointed to the man with the tickets.

"But that would be a crime! I think somebody is being a cranky blender. Do you need a hug?"

"Wait hold the fuck on I need to check my email, and no I don't want a fucking hug." Said Vile.

"How are you going to check it? Do you even get internet?"

"Give me your phone!"

"Oh ok but give it back, I don't wanna pass the data limit. Stupid wireless company." Said Terra as he gave Vile his phone.

"Yeah whatever. Anyways a meat sack says...Sucks you took out Yuffie for now, she was pretty good! I vote for Simmons, Grif, Caboose, and Sarge to group up with Sora next time! The chapter itself was really funny! The addition of Ash from Evil Dead as Narrator was a smart choice!...Too bad meat sack, things get cut out in a story. We had no choice but to cut her out for now, also no one else wanted to do it and he volunteered...Go figure." Vile said while answering the first e-mail from his Doc Mail account.

"Yay for breaking the fourth Wall." Terra said excitedly.

"Quiet Terra I'm insulting random people from the internet! Speaking of which I think we need to work on your insulting skills."

"What? I can be insulting too!" Said Terra.

"Yeah will see about that. Another meat sack says...Well since we had the Blues take over, I wanna see Simmons, Grif, Sarge, and Donut go with Sora. Ha you used the Samurai Pizza Cats?! You did a fantastic choice! This chapter was pure gold! I like reading it!...Tough luck human if you want to see all the Reds with Sora you'll have to wait till chapter 18. You know what I like to read? The obituaries!" Vile said while cackling evilly.

"Your...goldfish is ugly!" Said Terra to the phone.

"Are you motherfucking serious?! Is that the best you have?"

"No wait, I can do this! Your hair is messy...Ha!" Terra pointed and laughed at the phone.

"F minus! Now moving on another human says...I think Caboose, Dan, Alan, and Grif should be in the next chapter with Sora. And why did you retconned Yuffie? That's pretty bad in my view...Listen here meat sack we never said we retconned the character. Just her relationship with Sora. Maybe next time meat sacks like you should pay attention. Terra insult this inferior human right now and do it right this time!"

"OK Vava! Uh um...You're a cry baby! Yeah a big cry baby!" Said Terra.

"That was terrible you get an F minus minus! And don't ever call me Vava again! A meat shield says...I'll vote for Grif, Simmons, Sarge, and Alan to appear with Sora next time. Great work as usual! I like it the humor in this chapter, and Samurai Pizza Cats is awesome!...Yeah and I like proper grammar and spelling in my e-mails! Wanna know what else is awesome? Me setting you on fire with my built in flamethrower...MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! Terra insult this fool and do it right for evil sakes!"

"I'm on it Vava! Uhhh…your mom is ugly?!" Said Terra.

"What the fuck did I just tell you?! Don't call me Vava! You get a zero for that! Anyways a stupid fleshy says...The Reds are just unbelievable in this chapter! You did such great work between them and Aqua, and I like how you included Ash in this!...Hmm I don't have anything for this one. Terra insult this person ASAP!"

"Yes sir Vava!" Terra saluted, "Girls think you're gross!"

"What the fuck did I just tell you? If you call me Vava again I'm gonna set you on fire! Anyways that's enough e-mails I'm deleting the rest they're not worth my time." Vile said before giving Terra back his phone.

"Did I improve my insults Vava?" Said Terra.

"NO!" Vile said before setting Terra on fire with his built in flamethrower. "Now go steal those Yankee tickets!"

"Yes Va...I mean Vile!" Said Terra while scorched to ashes.

"And then burn them in front of that guy!"

"But I don't have a lighter and that's very mean." Said Terra.

"Do it anyways and a true evil villain improvises and doesn't whine about not having something!"

"Uhh I'll try, but if he cries, I'll give it back." Said Terra.

"And if you do I'll rip his goddamn head off and give you another F!"

"No! Not another F!" Terra said in horror.

"And at this rate you're never going to graduate from evil school."

"I'm on it!" Said Terra as he went to the guy with the Yankee tickets.

"Make sure to burn him as well!"

Terra went up to the random man with the Yankee tickets with mean look.

"Hey there uh can I have those Yankee tickets you obviously paid top dollar for?" Terra asked the man.

"What? Fuck off you cosplaying weirdo, these are mine!" Said the man.

"I hope this new body lasts longer than my last one." Vile said to himself.

"What? But I don't wanna fuck you off sir." Said Terra with a disgusted look.

"I wonder how Dr. Evil is handling things over at the submarine?"

Meanwhile at Dr. Evil's submarine headquarters, the whole place appears to be leaking water with alarms going off.

"Mini Me! What did I tell you about using our pipes to construct a very evil device to hit people in the crotch!?" Said Dr. Evil.

Mini Me just shrugged at Dr. Evil as he whacked Scott's balls with a loose pipe.

"Aww mother fucker!" Said Scott Evil in pain.

Back in New York City.

Suddenly Terra returned to Vile with the tickets "Hey Vile I got the tickets." Said Terra.

"Didn't I tell you to burn them and the guy who had them?"

"I would've but then someone with a gun approached us and he demanded munny from the guy with the tickets, and well let's say he won't be needing them anymore. Besides we can always sell them on Ebay." Said Terra.

"You mean Church-Bay?"

"Church-Bay?" Terra questioned.

"Oh right I forgot to mention that I come from the future." Vile said.

"You're from the future? No freakin way!" Said Terra excitedly.

"Yes like the movie The Terminator...Except I'm awesome."

"Really? I pegged you as more of a Marty McFly type of time traveler." Said Terra.

"You fool I'm a robot!"

"So you didn't use a car to travel back in time?" Terra said with a sad face.

"I don't need a car I'm a walking death machine!"

"Vile you silly goose, then how will you go around picking up chicks if you don't have a car?" Said Terra.

"You idiot I don't need chicks I'm a fucking robot! But I think Dr. Evil's computer really likes me."

"Is she hot?" Terra winked at him.

"Shut your mouth meat sack she is a highly advanced machine! Much like myself…"

"I'm sorry Vile I didn't mean to insult your girlfriend." Said Terra.

"OK just for that remark you now have to do another evil exercise."

"What is it?" Terra asked him with a quirked eyebrow.

"Go rob the nearest 7 11 convenience store!"

"But Vile, robbing a store is against the law, I don't want that on my record." Terra protested.

"You're never going to be truly evil if you can't rob a gas station."

"I don't want to go to jail!" Said Terra.

"A real villain never goes to jail!"

"He never does? Well I do like the idea of never going to jail for bending the rules." Said Terra.

"I've never been to jail...At least according to my memory anyways. Though sometimes I get error warnings when trying to remember certain stuff." Vile said while getting error messages from his memory that was damaged by Riku and the Reds during Days.

"Huh maybe you should get that fixed?" Said Terra.

"Maybe you should stop sucking at being evil."

"It's just a suggestion Vile you might break down like the Terminator."

"If I wanted your opinion meat sack then I'd beat it out of you. I'm having withdrawals from the lack of killing people." Vile said.

"But killing is bad." Said Terra.

"I'd expect as much from a weakling like you."

"I mean killing without swift mercy is bad." Said Terra.

"Mercy? What the fuck is that? Is that like killing really fast?"

"Yeah, kill them so they won't feel any pain." Terra pointed out.

"I only do that when I feel like it."

"Which is rare I guess?" Terra guessed."

"I think I did it...Once."

"Well at least that poor soul had a merciful death." Said Terra awkwardly.

"Then I set them on fire. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Terra just looked at him with a creeped out look and stood silent…

"..."

"Now go rob 7 11!"

"Um should I bring a weapon? Like a gun?" Said Terra confused.

"You have a giant key...sword...thing just stab people with it!"

"But it might hurt them real bad though." Stated Terra.

"That's the whole fucking point meat sack!"

"Um right Vava!" Said Terra.

"I'm gonna rip your miserable head off!"

"Sorry! I'm sorry, it was a force of habit!" He pleaded for mercy.

"Get going we don't have all day!"

"Right umm..." He looks around, "Where is the store again?"

"I don't know I just got here."

Much to their dismay the convenience store was several feet away from their current location.

"There it is." Vile said while pointing at the nearby Seven Eleven.

"That's the place? It looks small." Said Terra while looking on.

"Go rob it!"

"Uh can you teach me how to rob someone real quick again?" Terra laughed nervously while a sweat drop formed on his head.

"NO!" Vile said before firing rockets at Terra.

Terra screamed like a little girl before running towards the convenience store avoiding the rockets…

"And don't come back until you've successfully robbed the gas station!"

"Yes sir!" Terra shouted as he entered the convenience store, he looked around to see what he should steal, he then eyed a bottle of alcohol near him.

"Perfect!" He whispered to himself.

"Hmm...I wonder if Dr. Evil is making any progress since I've been gone? Too bad there's no way to check up on my subordinates." Vile said while waiting for Terra.

Terra grabbed a couple beer bottles and hurried to the store counter.

"I can't wait to get back to the future so I can finally kill Riku and his Red cheerleaders! Wait a second...If this is the past then maybe Riku is here? Problem is I don't know how far back I went...could be a hundred years for all I know. At any rate if Riku is around then I'll kill him...MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Terra got to the store counter and put the alcohol bottles on the store counter. Terra looked very nervous…

"I hope Terra hurries up...I have far more evil things to do!" Vile said to himself.

Terra's hand was clutched near the handle of his Keyblade, ready to threaten the cashier and take the munny at any moment. However Terra instantly froze when it was his turn. The store clerk scanned his items, and typed on the cash register, showing the price of the alcohol. Terra was ready to take out his Keyblade till.

"You know if you were some kind of robber young man. I might be forced to use this baby on yas." Said the Cashier, while brandishing an RPG.

Terra gulped, "Mommy..."

"I've always wanted to nuke a world." Vile told himself.

"Uhhh….You don't have to worry about that sir, I'm a law abiding citizen. I'll pay for this beer and carry on...NOW PLEASE PUT THAT THING AWAY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" Said Terra in a panic state. He paid for his beer, got the receipt, and rushed out of the store. "Damn, I didn't steal anything, Vile is gonna kill me. Hmm maybe I can lie my way out, yeah! I can tell him I stole the bottles, theres no way he'd think I bought em fair and square."

"I have the urge to do something really evil right now!" Vile told himself while getting bored.

Terra returned to Vile...

"Hey Vava!"

"FUCK YOU!" Vile yelled before using a built in machine gun on Terra.

"Wait, wait! I managed to steal from the store!" Said Terra in fright.

"What did you steal? Why didn't you kill everyone? And most importantly why did you not blow it up?" Vile asked after filling Terra with bullet holes.

Terra spit out some bullets, as he looked like swiss cheese Reader. Terra took a moment to think of a reply, which made Vile look angry. Terra finally came up with an answer, and said...

"I stole some beer, and there was only the cashier? Dont worry I killed him with my ke-" Just then the Cashier from the store opened the store's door and shouted to Terra.

"Hey you forgot your other beer bottle!" Said the cashier.

"F!" Vile yelled before firing a missile at the cashier and the Seven Eleven convenience store causing it to blow up. Just like in Michael Bay's terrible movies. Cough...Transformers...cough!

"Can I at least get extra credit?" Terra asked him.

"No you didn't even steal anything...Look at this!" Vile said while showing Terra the receipt he was given by the cashier.

"I stole that as well. At least we got beer!" Said Terra.

"I don't drink moron...I'm a robot!"

"Uhhh...well maybe we can reprogram you to drink beer? I don't want to drink it all by myself." Said Terra.

"No will turn them to molotov cocktails!" Vile said.

"A what now?" Terra looked confused.

"This!" Vile said before grabbing a beer bottle sticking a cloth in it and setting it on fire. Before throwing it at a random homeless person nearby. Said random homeless person was then set on fire.

"AAAAHHH! STOP DROP AND ROLL!" Said the homeless person.

"I like how that man's flesh burns off his fragile bones." Vile said.

"Aww my eyes, they cannot bear to see such awful things." Said Terra as he closed his eyes.

"Open your eyes you pussy and witness the glorious chaos which I have unleashed upon this pitiful world!"

Terra opened his eyes, but when he did a newspaper slapped right into his face. He took it off of his face, and read the headline with a confused look.

"Spider-Man defeats Rino by making him watch Christopher Nolan's Batman Trilogy?" He then read the disclaimer, "No this isn't the Onion...Aww that sucks."

"The Onion is so good at their job that they even fooled North Korea into thinking they're real!"

"They even fooled me a few times...OK maybe a hundred times." Said Terra.

"That's because you're easily fooled meatsack!"

"Hey they have very good writers for your information."

"No see lately their stuff has been pretty obvious that it's satire. You would have to be dumb to believe in any of it. Like a certain blue armored space moron..."

Cut away to Blood Gulch/Coagulation during Halo 2 in the far future.

"Hey Church, this website says everyone is gonna turn into monkeys if we don't give bananas to North Korea's leader monkey god!" Said Caboose while looking on his helmet's internet.

"What? That sounds like The Onion!" Church said.

"Because it is The Onion." Tucker pointed out.

"The Onion isn't real news Caboose." Church said.

Back to Vile and Terra...

"Well I know better now?" Terra gave a nervous grin at Vile.

"You're still the worst villain ever...we need more training!"

"Yes sir, but how are we gonna train me to be evil this time?" He asked.

"Hmm...this place is pretty boring."

"What? How can this place be boring! This is NYC! You can do almost anything here!" Said Terra cheerfully.

"There's not enough opportunities to do evil things."

"Oh Vile you silly goose you just gotta think big and evil!"

"I am evil...don't question my evilness!"

"I'm not teacher, all I said is you gotta think."

"Be quiet before I burn you like that homeless man!"

"Sorry teacher." Said Terra behind a trash can.

"And stop calling me that I have a name...It's Vile!"

Suddenly they can hear people yelling and running around for their lives several blocks down. Several police cars can be seen going to the source.

"Huh, I wonder what's going on over there?" Terra asked.

"I sense an evil presence nearby!" Vile said.

Terra gasped…

"Then we must stop him...or her. You know people gotta consider female villains to."

"Yes we must get rid of all of our competition!"

"But why? We don't have to kill a fellow villain." Said Terra.

"We can't have people taking what's rightfully ours! Were all competing for the same thing."

"Domination of the universe?" Terra asked.

"Of course!"

"Ehh I don't know, I don't like taking over things." Said Terra.

"Then you'll never become a true villain!"

"But it feels so wrong!"

"I don't care do it anyways!"

Terra looked away nervously.

"Um let's go check on that villain teacher?"

"Stop calling me that...every time you call me that I'm gonna hurt you!"

"Sorry teacher, I mean Vava, I mean purple homo robot, I mean Vile." Said Terra nervously.

"Lucky for you I don't feel like wasting ammo."

"That's a relief." Terra wiped his forehead.

"Now let's see what that commotion was about."

They both darted off into the direction where the police cars were going to. Vile jumped on several cars with great agility, while Terra tried to do the same but fell flat on the pavement. Vile facepalmed at this tomfoolery and just dragged Terra to where the action was. There they can see the X-Men villain Sabertooth going toe to toe with the police.

"OK for your next test I want you to kick his ass!" Vile told Terra while pointing at Sabertooth.

Terra looked at Sabertooth tearing a police officer's arm off with ease.

"Uhh maybe we can ask him nicely to stop instead?"

"Villains don't do anything nicely! We take what we want and kick ass!"

"But there are other ways to resolve conflicts than kicking someone's ass Vile."

"Quiet you liberal hippy and go kick his ass!"

"Can I at least sign up for healthcare before I do?" Said Terra.

"No! How do you expect to be the best villain ever second only to me at this rate?"

"Uhhhh is that a trick question?" He scratched his head.

"No it isn't...Now go kick his ass or it's another F! And don't come back till you defeat him."

"Yes sir Vile!" Said Terra as he ran to Sabertooth with his Keyblade held out.

"For the love of evil it's fucking hard to be me! I sure hope Dr. Evil is having better luck than me. I sure do miss kicking Sora and the Space Morons' asses. I still don't believe the Red cheerleaders when they said Riku is dead. The only one who's gonna kill him is me! Once I find the emo that is…"

Terra ran up to Sabertooth holding his Keyblade over his head, Sabertooth saw Terra running up to him, he simply rolled his eyes at the young teenager. Once Terra got there, he swung at Sabertooth's chest, but Sabertooth didn't even flinch. Terra gave a sweat drop.

"Uh...I was kidding?" He chuckled nervously.

"That was pathetic try it again but this time with feeling!" Vile shouted from the sidelines.

"Yes Vile!" Said Terra, as he held up his Keyblade and slashed at Sabertooth even harder.

The mutant still didn't budge, he merely yawned.

"Uhhh can you at least pretend to be hurt?"

"That was terrible! What the fuck are you doing out there?! Have you forgotten what I've taught you so far?"

"Uhhh I DON'T WORK WELL UNDER PRESSURE!" Terra panicked.

"Too bad I'm keep tabs on all your fights! I will call you out when you fuck up!"

"Well shit!" Terra muttered under his breath.

"You want to dance or die now human?" Sabertooth snarled.

"Quickly kick his ass don't just stand there!"

"Well I like to do disco?" Terra said to Sabertooth with a sheepish grin.

"You're not here to make jokes damn it!"

"Irony!" Said a passersby.

"Fuck you meat sack!" Vile said to the passerby before blowing them up with a missile.

Sabertooth clawed Terra to bits, the Keyblade warrior defended himself, but to no avail. He blocked several attacks, but Sabertooth's onslaught proved too tough for him to handle. Terra got swept up by Sabertooth's attack, the mutant's claw marks can be seen all over his body. Poor Terra had no chance as he got beat up viciously.

"This is why you're a lousy villain!"

"OW Mommy! Said Terra in pain."

"You pussy you're an embarrassment to villains everywhere!"

Sabertooth growled at Vile...

"You're next tin can!"

"Please meat sack you're way out of my league! I'd mop the floor with you. You look like a giant mullet!"

"Grrr I ripped apart a sentinel once! You're small fry compared to them!" He pointed at Vile.

"Fuck you I'm the main villain you're just a cameo!"

"We'll see about that tin can!" Sabertooth threatened.

"Terra kick his ass for threatening me or you'll get another F!"

"Can I see a doctor first? I think my internal organs are bleeding!" Terra complained.

"NO!"

"Time to die you freaks!" Sabertooth roared as he lunged at Vile and Terra.

Vile got out of the way in time, as he jumped back several feet from Terra, Terra stood up and narrowly evaded Sabertooth.

"Take him out, and do it quickly! We don't got all day you know!" Said Vile while crossing his arms.

"What you're not gonna help me?" Terra said in shock.

"Nope! A good villain knows how to kick a freak's ass, and I wanna see your fighting skill!" Said Vile.

"Aw c'mon!" Said Terra as he dodged a claw swipe from Sabertrooth.

"Enough whining, and get to it, or you'll get another F!" Vile threatened.

Terra sighed as he went toe to toe with Sabertooth. The vicious mutant lunged at Terra as he viciously clawed him. Terra blocked his attacks, and slammed his Keyblade at Sabertooth. The impact was strong enough to harm the mutant and send him back flying several feet away. Sabertooth's wounds quickly healed due to his accelerated healing factor, Sabertooth chuckled much to Terra's dismay. Vile shook his head in disappointment and berated the Keyblade warrior. Sabertooth pounced on Terra, scratching his head and torso. Terra managed to kick him back, and send a couple of slashes at Sabertooth. Sabertooth flinched, but he withstood that attack with ease. He proceeded to pick up a car, and throw it at Terra. Terra dodged rolled out of harms way. He went up to Sabertooth and delivered two powerful blows to the mutant, stunning him. Terra didn't stop, as he stabbed at Sabertooth multiple times, Vile looked a bit impressed for a second, before going back to mocking Terra and threatening him with bad grades. Terra did his best to ignore Vile, as he slashed at Sabertooth again. However Sabertooth clawd at Terra viciously again, and grabbed him and threw him into a wall, making him crash into the building brutally. Terra quickly scanned the landscape for anything that might help, he saw a car on fire right near Sabertooth that might explode. Terra acted fast and threw his Keyblade at the car's hood. The car exploded upon impact with the Keyblade the scorching fire burned Sabertooth, as it sent him flying out of the area.

"What was that? You're suppose to kill him!" Vile yelled.

"I tried, but he kept healing. He's overpowered Vile!" Said Terra.

"Nonsense the only overpowered villain is me!"

"Can I please visit the doctor? I think I need my internal organs worked on." Said Terra while looking dizzy.

"No! There is much evil to be done and we don't have time for you to be a pussy."

"Did I at least pass?" Said Terra.

"You can have a D minus."

"Thats better than an F at least." Terra smiled.

"You're still not very good."

"I'm still learning though." Terra stated.

"Do better and stop sucking!"

"I'll try Vile!" Said Terra while saluting.

"Why are we still here? Let's leave!"

"But theres so many places to see in this big city." Terra stated.

"Not if I decide to blow them up."

"Whoa OK Vile that's not needed." Said Terra with a anime style sweatdrop.

"It's always needed!"

"But I'm not a terrorist!" Said Terra.

"No you're being trained to be a villain!"

"That's different right?" Said Terra.

"Of course!"

"Well that's good, I'm bad at making political statements through violence."

"I'm great at making statements through violence towards politicians."

"Well that makes you different...which makes you unique." Terra smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah whatever."

"So can we leave this place now Vile?" Terra asked him.

"No!"

"But I thought you wanted to leave?" Terra questioned him.

"We can't leave yet."

"I get another lesson then?" Terra asked.

"No we're waiting for the plot to continue!"

"Oh right we can't keep stalling then." Said Terra.

"You stalled over at the movie theater while ordering snacks!"

"I was hungry." Terra complained.

"You took forever! And you were the one who wanted to see Guardians of The Galaxy!"

Then suddenly a figure appeared. It had three claws on each hand, and it was blue and yellow all over. It was Wolverine from the X-Men...

"Where are you Sabertooth?! I can smell you!"

"Hey is that Hugh Jackman?" Vile asked Terra while pointing at Wolverine.

"Oh hey it's the Australian guy!" Terra said.

"Who are you two? Why do you smell like Sabertooth there bub?" Wolverine asked Terra.

"Oh man this is gonna hurt!" Terra said before Wolverine attacked him.

"I'll be here on the sidelines grading your performance Terra."

Terra got slashed by Wolverine's claws. Terra slashed at Wolverine's head. Wolverine dodged some attacks as he ran towards Terra. He slashed at Terra multiple times before Terra counterattacked with his Keyblade. Wolverine then ran to a nearby wall and jabbed his claw into it while panting.

"Who played as Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine?" Wolverine asked Terra while panting still.

"Aww man Vile you didn't say there would be a pop quiz during this fight! I didn't get anytime to study before this quiz."

"Terra you fool the answer is Ryan Reynolds!"

"I'm listening!" Wolverine said before going down and resuming the battle.

"How did you know the answer?" Terra asked Vile with a surprised look on his face.

"I saw that terrible movie X-Men Origins: Wolverine! Now get back to work slacker!"

Wolverine then lunged at Terra and slashed him in the torso with his claws. Terra then stabbed him multiple times in the torso before stabbing Wolverine in the heart. Wolverine panted hard before lunging himself at the wall again.

"Who's the fattest and laziest member of Red team?" Wolverine asked Terra with a calm and collective tone of voice.

"Um I don't know...I'm not really into sports."

"The answer is Grif you no good meat sack!" Vile yelled at Terra.

"My nose doesn't lie!" Wolverine said before going back down and slashing at Terra with inhuman speed.

Wolverine kept slashing at Terra. Terra then kicked Wolverine in the balls hard. Wolverine then slashed at Terra's chest vertically and horizontally. At this time Terra had more blood on him than his first match with Sabertooth. Terra then stabbed Wolverine in the heart with his Keyblade, but not before Wolverine tossed him to the wall. The old X-Men member then went up to the wall again.

"Who possessed Doc and tried to call all of the shots in Red vs Blue: The Kingdom Hearts Saga?"

"Um..."

"It's Omega you bloody fool!"

"Maybe you're right!" Wolverine said before rejoining the battle.

At this time Terra was having trouble against Wolverine. Wolverine started clawing at his stomach viciously. Terra tried his best to embrace the attacks the best he could. Terra then rapidly slashed at Wolverine with his Keyblade. Wolverine then lunged at the wall again.

"Who's the most perverted member of Organization XIII?" Wolverine asked Terra.

"Organization XIII? Is that some new band I haven't heard of? Probably one Ven listens to most likely."

"The answer is Axel numb nuts!"

"Beginners luck." Wolverine before rejoining the fight.

Terra was having a hard time with Wolverine. No matter how much Wolverine took hits, Terra was still losing energy and fast, Wolverine then slashed at Terra in an uppercut motion with his right hand. Terra tried to dodge the quick attack only to get slashed yet again with the other hand. Wolverine's ferocity knew no bounds as he leaped on Terra and nailed him to the cement ground. Wolverine then pressed his right foot on Terra's stomach and slashed his face multiple times with both hands. Terra's face was disfigured at this time as Wolverine got off the young man. He then jumped near Terra and clawed him four times on his torso before Terra slashed him in the head with his Keyblade. Wolverine then clawed him again with maximum carnage across his chest deep. Terra then dropped to the floor, panting after using all his energy to hit Wolverine in the chest. Wolverine then jumped onto the wall again.

"Who created evil henchmen to kill Sora, Donald, Goofy, and their Space Moron allies?" Wolverine asked Terra.

"Wat?" Terra said confused.

"My right hand man Dr. Evil!"

"Maybe you are telling the truth!" Wolverine said before attacking Terra.

It was then an all out brawl, as Terra slashed at Wolverine with the full force of his Keyblade. Wolverine then kept on hacking at Terra repeatedly. Terra then blocked each of Wolverine's attacks before counterattacking. Wolverine then stabbed Terra in the abdomen causing the Keyblade wielder to lose a whole lot of blood.

"Quite frankly my dear I don't give a damn!" Terra said before stabbing Wolverine deep in his chest with his Keyblade.

"Boo! That was horrible! What the fuck was that?! Out of all the one liners why did you choose that one? The fuck is wrong with you?! I'm giving you an F just for that!"

"But it took me a good whole five minutes to think about it!" Terra replied nervously.

"Listen here bub either you tell me where Sabertooth is or I'll gut you like a fish!"

"Ahh! Don't hurt me!" Terra screamed like a girl.

"Stop screaming like a girl! You get another F just for that!"

"I couldn't help myself." Terra stated.

"Hurry up bub you're wasting my time...You've got five minutes left before I gut you!"

"Hey just because I might act like a pussy, doesn't mean I can't kick your behind all the way to Mars! I'll show you and anyone who thinks I'm weak that I'm all that! I just gotta look deep into my heart, find the courage I need, and with the power of my friends at my side 'll-." Suddenly he gets scratched across the face by Wolverine.

"That was the most cheesiest and lamest speech I ever heard you freak! Only stupid goody two shoes make those kinds of speeches! True villains would just insult them and kill them! You get an F minus for that!" Vile yelled.

"Owie…" Terra rubbed his face.

"You guys are almost as annoying as Spi-" Wolverine said before his yellow and blue smart phone went off.

Wolverine then looks at his phone and sees that he got two notifications from Square-Book. The first is a friend request from Spider-Man and the second is a poke from Spider-Man.

"GOD DAMN YOU SPIDER-MAN!" Wolverine roared in anger.

Meanwhile over at a nearby skyscraper…

"Hahahahahaha...Take that Logan! No one can escape the master of all trolls...Spider-Man! Now it's time to search the web for naked photos of Mary Jane." Spider-man said while hanging upside down.

"Oh hey was that just a poke sound I heard? Hey! Wanna be friends on Square-Book?" Terra asked him.

"Shut up! I can smell him on you. Where's Sabertooth at?!"

"Um he left that away." Terra pointed behind him.

"Hmm...What a shame I was kind of hoping I could gut you before I left. Too bad Wade isn't around so I could stab him a few times." Wolverine said before leaving Terra and Vile.

"Phew...I'm gonna admit I was kind of nervous there. Also I might have wet myself a little...OK a lot." Terra told Vile.

"You idiot! A true villain never let's his opponent go! You get an F triple minus!" Vile proclaimed.

"But he was big and scary! Plus he kept sniffing me. I think I might have forgotten to take a shower before I left my world."

"That was pitiful, you didn't kill him in the most brutal way possible! For that, you get an F!" Vile stated.

"Aww...come on Vile he had sharp retractable claws! Do I at least get a D for my one liners? They were pretty good one liners."

"NO! And he didn't even stay dead! He also kept giving us quizes about crap I do not understand or care about! But it was kinda creative." Said Vile.

"My favorite one liner was the one where I said quite frankly my dear I don't give a damn. I'm not sure where it's from but it sounded pretty good in my head. I wasn't very fond of the quizzes...I don't like pop quizzes to be honest. I just want to kick ass and protect the peace in the universe is all!"

"Um no we destroy peace, and rape it's fucking corpse." Said Vile.

"But that's not the way of the Keyblade Wielders Vile...were protectors of the peace not soldiers!" Terra said.

"It appears I have a lot of work to do." Vile told himself with a sigh.

"I watch the news I know what happens...like at Benghazi. I don't know what happened there but the TV made it sound really important. I was too busy thinking about Aqua and Ven to really care though. Mmm...sexy threesome." Terra said while getting a boner.

"Terra the mission of the news is to brainwash the stupid to worship their rich corrupt overlords, I know because I have board meetings with them, especially the head of Faux News." Vile said to Terra.

"I know that I didn't listen to it for very long because I got bored real fast and then decided to masturbate. It was a very boring night to be honest. Speaking of boring nights what are we going to do next for our evil training?"

"Simple, you beat up a girl in front of her mother, rape her, and then steal her panties." Said Vile.

"I don't think I've seen Aqua's mother...and I'm not into rape or hitting women...it just feels wrong. Can't we beat up the homeless instead?"

"Ugh fine we'll kidnap the mayor of New York City till the federal government pays us a trillion munny that they'll likely borrow from China." Vile stated.

"But I love pandas! Were not gonna steal the zoo's pandas and cook them are we?" Terra asked with a horrified look.

"As much as I'd love to, I got better things to do then cook pandas." Vile stated.

"That's a relief...got scared for a minute there."

"What-" Suddenly Vile stopped talking as he saw Aqua nearby.

"Hey Aqua! Over here!" Terra said while waving at his blue haired big boobied female friend.

"Oh Terra! There you are!" Said Aqua excited as she ran to her friend.

"_Damn she has some really big boobs...must...not...stare...at...Aqua's...chest...fuck...brain...don't...fail...me...now...you...to...eyes! Shit…_" Terra said to himself inside his head while trying not to stare at Aqua's chest.

Vile shook his head and quietly slapped Terra upside the head…

"OW! WTF? That wasn't nice Vile...you're so not getting a poke from me on Square-Book now!" Terra said to a still invisible Vile.

"Terra who are you talking to?" Said Aqua as she met up with Terra.

"This is my new friend Vile...he looks like a purple blender. Say hi Vile!"

"..." Vile did not speak a word as he decided to stay hidden.

"Come on Vile don't be shy I want you to meet my friend Aqua and Ven when we see him."

"Terra there's no one there." Said Aqua with an arched eyebrow.

"What? That's not true Vile is standing right here! Vile now isn't the time to play the quiet game!"

"..." Vile just stared at him with his arms crossed.

"Terra...Ven ran away from home!" Aqua told Terra.

"Oh don't be silly, I'm sure he ran off to the next Bronycon." Said Terra.

"Terra what are you talking about? Anyways I think he went to go find you. Do you know why?"

"No, uhh actually...Before I left, he tried to tell me something, but I was too distracted by his body." He said with a smile and erection.

'I don't even wanna know!' Vile said in his head.

"Terra are you a homo? Did you at least manage to locate Master Xehanort?" Aqua asked Terra.

"Huh? No way, I just admire Ven's body, like how I can admire a certain woman's breasts, and no but it seems he's looking for pure hearts filled with light." Terra said defensively.

"Pure hearts filled with light...what the hell does he want with that?"

"Maybe he's a lonely old man who wants to find that one special person? All I can tell you is that his search hasn't taken him here, or to Hooters." Said Terra as he walked away.

"Alright I'll stay here and see if I can find more clues. And Terra stop going to Hooters you're gonna go to jail one of these days for groping the waitresses tits...they don't like it! I'm more forgiving about it when you do it to me because I'm your friend."

"No one likes a goody two shoes you stupid whore." Vile whispered lowly at her which made her feel like she was crazy, he followed after Terra.

"Aqua. You still have the same dream?" Terra asked Aqua.

"We gotta go!" Vile whispered to him.

"Well...of course."

"Just making sure." Terra said before leaving with Vile.

"He'll be OK. He won't give into it." Aqua said to herself.

Vile overheard this and chuckled evilly…

"Not if I kill him myself." Said Vile as he and Terra disappeared.

"Vile that was pretty rude for a coffee machine! Why didn't you say anything to my friend Aqua? You made me look like a fool back there. Now I'll never be able touch her boobs again."

"I don't talk to losers like her!" Said Vile.

"Vile we can't hangout anymore if you don't talk to my friends."

"Bah! True villains don't have friends!" Vile told hm.

"But I have plenty of friends!"

"They're not really your friends!" Said Vile.

"GASP!" Terra said in a dramatic way.

"At any rate we should leave here...There's nothing more we can do. Plus there's plenty of other places for us to spread our evil."

"Like at Freddy Fazbear's pizzeria?" Terra asked.

"I don't even know what that is."

"Well we should move on." Said Terra.

"I think you mean Barry's Pizzeria."

"Mmm Pizza!" Terra rubbed his stomach.

"There's no time for that!"

"I'll buy!" Said Terra looking really hungry.

"No god damn it!"

"But I'm hungry!" Terra complained.

"Tell someone who cares! Were leaving." Vile said before summoning his jetpack from his back that Dr. Evil installed.

"Uhh can I at least get one slice?" He kept asking.

"No! Now summon your stupid key hover board thing so we can leave. Or I'll launch you into the sun."

Terra nodded as he summoned his Keyblade. Which began to turn into a hoverboard like thing. Terra then jumped on it…

"Hey wanna race Vile?" Terra asked him cheerfully.

"No!"

"I'll give you a head start!" Said Terra.

"Fuck you meat sack! There's more important things to do."

"You're right! I gotta watch Netflix in an hour." Said Terra.

"Yeah you do that."

**To Be Continued… **


	5. Spider-Guy

**Red vs ****Blue****: The Birth By Sleep Saga**

**Episode 5: Spider-Guy **

**Second chapter of 2015… **

Over at the city of New York Ven, Captain Flowers, Church, and Tucker could be seen walking around the city. It's nighttime and the full moon can be seen above all the tall buildings and skyscrapers. Neither mutant turtle, gargoyle, super hero, or vigilante could be seen or heard. At least for now Reader...in the mean time there's Space Moron hijinks to be had. Ven and the Blues can be seen randomly walking around the city…

"Fucking thank god! We're back on Earth! Now I can go home and ditch this stupid war." Said Tucker while taking in the view.

"This place looks different." Church said.

"Why is that Church?" Tucker asked him.

"Doesn't look like the future." Church said.

"Oh you're right, this is the past then." Tucker said with a sigh.

"Now men when visiting a new place it's always a good idea to check out the hot spots and mingle with the locals." Captain Flowers told Church and Tucker.

"If by mingle you mean, hit on a hot girl like that jogger several feet away, then I'm game." Said Tucker as he left to go meet said jogger.

"See everyone? Tucker knows how to have a great time!" Captain Flowers said.

"Yeah I don't know Captain, that girl sure isn't having a fun time around Tucker." Said Church as he saw the scene.

"Well Church sometimes the locals just aren't very comfortable around foreigners that's all."

"Um sir, we're Americans in an American city." Said Church.

"Oh Church this isn't the America we all know and love."

"You're right this is America when it was really crappy, well it's still crappy in the future, but it's more crappy in this time frame...at least we got universal health care after centuries of trying." Said Church.

"There sure are a bunch of homeless people, hookers, and drug dealers here." Ven said.

"Hey kid wanna get high?" Said a drug dealer to Ven.

"No thanks I already have weed." Ven said before smoking the weed he took from the dwarves.

"See Church? This vacation isn't so bad after all." Captain Flowers said.

"Ouch! Hey! You got a very strong arm for a girl." Said Tucker in pain as he got beat up by the jogger. Even though he has very expensive futuristic military armor on Reader.

"Um I'm pretty sure that dude I just saw got his wallet pick pocketed." Said Church.

"Ah yes it must be one of the customs of this land." Flowers said.

"But...I think that's against the law." Said Church.

"Now Church it's not our place to correct these people's traditions. That would be really insensitive of us and make us no better than the Republicans." Flowers said.

"Even if one of their traditions means breaking the law?" Church questioned.

"Don't worry Church I'm sure Captain Dynamic will make everything better." Flowers said.

Suddenly Captain Flowers spots a Kitten trapped on a very large tree, the cat looks scared, and is meowing for help.

"Oh no that poor kitten needs help! Where's Captain Dynamic when you need him the most?!"

"A cat's in danger? Don't worry dudes I'll go save him!" Said Ven who was high.

"This should be entertaining." Church said.

Ven attempted to run at the tree, but he hit himself hard against it when he ran.

"Oh no this is almost as bad as the time when I forgot to have cereal while watching One Saturday Morning back in the day!" Ven said.

"Shit whose gonna help that cat?" Said Church.

"Never fear Captain Dynamic is here!" Captain Flowers now in his Captain Dynamic costume said.

"Holy shit it's Captain Dynamic!" Said Tucker.

"OH MY GOD IT'S MY FAVORITE SUPERHERO OF ALL TIME!" Ven said with excitement.

"Don't worry Kitty! Captain Dynamic will save the day!" Said Captain Dynamic as he ran to the tree.

"You guys think he'll give me his autograph?" Ven asked Church and Tucker.

"To put it simply yes, he likes attention." Said Church.

"Oh man I really want to be just like Captain Dynamic!"

"Well you'll need to be incompetent to be like him." Said Tucker.

"Watch your mouth Lavernius! No one talks shit about the Captain."

"Anyone seen Captain Flowers?" Church said.

"Oh yeah where did he go?" Tucker asked.

"He's gonna miss Captain Dynamic!"

"He's probably looking for a way for us to get out of here." Said Tucker.

"Man this place is pretty boring." Ven said.

"Fuck that noise this is New York City!" Said Tucker.

"More like Snores York City." Church said.

"You wouldn't be saying that if you knew how to have fun Church. But you don't, because you're boooooooring!" Said Tucker.

"Nope I'm ambitious. I already have plans on how to get rich."

"Yeah right, I'll probably get laid before you get laid." Said Tucker.

"I had sex with my ex girlfriend so fuck you Tucker!"

While the two were bitching with each other Captain Dynamic was busy saving the cat. He used a ladder he stole from some poor soul who was using it to paint houses, he later fell to his death Reader, and climbed up the tree to save the cat.

"Don't worry kitty everything will be alri-" As he grabbed the cat gently, the cat hissed at him and proceeded to claw his face.

"AAAAAAHH!" He shouted as the ladder tipped backwards, causing it to fall back. Captain Dynamic then fell to the ground in pain.

"I hope something exciting happens soon." Ven said.

"Should we help Captain Dynamic?" Asked Tucker.

"I'd rather just stand here and do nothing." Church said.

"What like forever?" Said Tucker.

"Just till we leave this place." Church said.

"Man I could be watching MLP right about now!" Ven said with sadness.

"But do we have to go? I love New York." Said Tucker.

"Yes!" Church said.

"Fuck you!" Said Tucker.

"Fuck this place as well!"

"Can't I just fuck Rainbow Dash?!"

"Whoa this conversation just got awkward." Church.

"Yeah I'm just going to pretend I don't know either one of you." Tucker said.

"Funny I've been doing that since the first day we met." Said Church.

"But that was recently." Tucker said.

"So? Your point is?" Church asked.

"That you suck rookie."

"Fuck you, I'll be rich soon." Said Church.

"Yeah right."

Meanwhile in another part of New York City far away from where Ven and the Blues are, a white blinding light covered an entire area. Once the light cleared there was a tyrannosaurus rex looking monster truck, inside the beast vehicle was…

"Damn it Deadpool, you made us travel back in time to go get tacos?" Max asked him.

"Well the Taco Bandit aka Grif stole them all and Taco Bell has been shutdown!"

"Yes that's why we should be taking him down instead of wasting our time in the past." Said Max.

"But why take him down in the future when we could do it in the past?" Deadpool said.

"Hmm you raise a good point." Said Max.

"You might even get to campaign while we're here." Sam said.

"Oh you're right! I can tell people to vote for me in the 2016 election!" Said Max.

"And 2012!" Snake said.

"I'll win by then anyway." Said Max.

"But that was the year we defeated Obama, Romney, and Axel!" Deadpool said.

"So? I won by a landslide! No one liked either party...and Axel." Said Max.

"He burned down Hooters!" Snake said.

"Yeah that disqualified him anyways." Said Max.

"And now he's on the run from the secret service." Deadpool said.

"He'll be hunted down and executed for burning down Hooters." Said Max.

"Sorry no can do he's too important to the story." Sam said.

"Well I meant to say, he'll shall face public humiliation at Gitmo, then we'll release him."

"Good thing or else Nomura wouldn't be very happy." Snake said.

"Like I care what he thinks anyways, I work for Rockstar not Square-Enix." Said Max.

"But were in a fanfiction story with mostly his stuff!" Deadpool said.

"Didn't you used to work for some European guys?" Snake asked Max.

"I rather not talk about it so Faux News won't have anything to say about it." Said Max.

"Faux doesn't like Finland?" Deadpool said.

"Just Europe in general." Said Max.

"But they seem to be OK with Russia." Sam said.

"It's more of a love-hate relationship, they love Russia for hating on gays and Obama, but they hate communism." Said Max.

"But Russia hasn't been communist in awhile...I think. Fuck it I don't know history is boring!" Deadpool said.

"Since when does Faux know history?" Said Max.

"Since when does Deadpool?" Sam said.

"At least Deadpool is more fair and balanced." Said Snake.

"Deadpool's game still sucked!" Spider-Man said.

"My movie will be better!"

"We'll see...not!" Said Sam chuckling.

"That was sooo bad." Said Snake.

"Did we travel to the 90's?" Max said.

"This era looks like the late 90s, early 200s by the looks of it." Said Snake.

"Web of Shadows...Definitely Web of Shadows!" Spider-Man said.

"Reminds me of the days I depressed people with my narration, and talked about my favorite cop gun." Said Max.

"And shot people for no reason." Deadpool said.

Suddenly Snake's codec became active...

"Snake! Are there Snake? Do you still have your Metal Gear Solid case? You need the number to contact Meryl on your codec." Said Campbell.

"God damn it Colonel I told you I rented Metal Gear Solid on Playstation from Blockbuster!"

"Another reason why Splinter Cell is better than MGS." Said Sam with a chuckle.

"Sorry I can't hear you over the sound of Michael Ironside no longer being your VA anymore." Snake said.

Sam glared at Snake for a moment before he charged at him, he was held down by Max and Deadpool though.

"You're dead Snake! I told you not to say that again damn you!" Said Sam.

"Another victory for me!"

"Also Snake don't forget to press the action button to kick ass." Said Colonel Campbell on his codec.

"I already know that!"

"And Raiden says to call him, he's pretty lonely at the moment."

"I have him on mute. But if Meryl wants to call instead that's a different story."

"I think she's on her third honeymoon with Johnny." Said Campbell.

"Colonel don't be silly they're already divorced go back and read KH2!"

"Oh right silly me." Said Campbell.

"Colonel we're on an important mission in the past, so please go away." Said Snake.

"Wait you're in the past? Snake don't you dare ruin the past! You might create a time paradox!" Said Campbell.

"Oh fuck me Colonel!" Said Snake before ending the transmission.

"We must deal with terrorist in this city! I can smell them!" Said Max.

"My spider senses detect tacos!"

"Where? I want some damn it!" Said Deadpool.

"Man when was the last time we had tacos?" Snake asked.

Spider-Man can see a person sitting on a park bench eating a taco.

"Tacos Malos should be nearby!" Spider-Man said.

"You mean it's nearby. There's a guy eating a taco right now." Said Sam.

"To Tacos Malos then!" Max said.

"Shall I play the montage music?" Said Deadpool.

"No need!" Max said.

"Gonna do it anyway!" Said Deadpool as he hummed the tune to Adam West's Batman.

"I'M THE GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING BATMAN!" Batman said after appearing out of nowhere before vanishing.

"I thought we we're in the Marvel universe?" Said Snake.

"This is fanfiction!" Deadpool said.

"Yeah anything can happen Snake, you should know this by now." Said Max.

"Honestly Snake what is wrong with you?" Sam said.

"Fuck you Sam Metal Gear is still the best stealth game series to ever exist since 1987!"

"I think he's still mad about me calling Meryl." Said Sam.

"Man what kind of tacos are we going to get?" Deadpool said.

"The ones with sour cream, duh." Said Max.

"Hard shell or soft shell?" Spider-Man asked.

"Soft shell for sure." Said Max.

"I like mine hard just like my penis!" Deadpool said.

"I thought your penis was a gun." Snake joked.

"Of course it is it shoots cum!"

"OK that'll be enough of that I want to keep my appetite Deadpool!" Max said.

"Guys we gotta do something! I'm so freaking bored." Said Snake.

"Are there any terrorists to take on? I need to kill some bad guys with my favorite cop gun." Said Max.

"Well we're in New York." Sam said.

"Oh man isn't Faux News here?!" Deadpool said.

"I know let's kick their asses! They need it!" Said Spider-Man.

"I thought Faux was in California or Vegas?" Snake said.

"Hmmm of course! Now it makes sense! Faux News are a bunch of terrorists! They are supporting right wing terrorists against this country!" Said Max.

"They should be destroyed along with CNN and MSNBC!" Deadpool said.

"But we'll be silencing free speech, it's against the constitution!" Said Sam.

"In my country you don't have the right to lie to advance your crooked agendas!" Said Max.

"Yeah like in Canada and the UK!" Deadpool said.

"Gentlemen! It's time we go to Faux News HQ and show them who the real patriots are!" Said Max.

"Wait you don't mean the La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo?" Said Snake.

"No Snake I'm not talking about those kinds of Patriots god damn it!"

"Obviously the Murican football team which is nothing like real football at all." Deadpool said.

"Football sucks! It's all about drinking beer and screaming your ass off shirtless at bunch of burly men who will most likely suffer brain injuries." Said Snake.

"Damn Snake, you're such a party pooper." Said Spider-Man.

"Someone hasn't watched real football." Deadpool said.

"Time to pay Faux a visit." Said Max while holding a gun.

"Hello? Tacos Malos? Do you guys deliver?" Deadpool said over his red smartphone.

"Where are they located anyway?" Snake asked.

"I know a secret passage in follow me." Said Spider-Man as he web zipped to a back alley.

"The tacos will have to wait we have Repub cheerleader ass to kick!" Max said.

"That's it! I'm on strike!" Said Deadpool while picketing.

"Deadpool put that down before I have you set on fire!" Max said.

"Fine! But I call dibs on the first taco we see." Said Deadpool while throwing the sign away.

"We will have tacos after we defeat Faux News and the rest of the Republican media that matter!"

"And the taco bandit?" Said Sam

"Yes but first Faux, Gary Bleck, and Rush Limpdick have to go!" Max said.

"Yes at GITMO!" Said Sam.

"I just want some tacos!" Deadpool said.

"Are you guys coming or what?" Said Spider-Man.

"Let's go team! For Murica! And for Tacos!" Said Max as he went to the back alley.

"Is this the way to Faux's HQ?" Snake asked.

"Well yes, how else would they hide the truth." Said Spider-Man.

"That was such a bad joke, I could have done a better job than you fool!" Said Deadpool in a Mr. T voice.

"You're getting shit for Christmas!" Spider-Man told Deadpool.

"Oh yeah?! Well...your mom!" Said Deadpool.

"Bitch please get on my level!" Spider-Man said.

"Hey you guys remember that time Clint Eastwood talked to a chair?" Snake said.

"Yes, I had him ordered to a mental asylum after that." Said Max.

"Now how is he going to star in western movies?" Snake asked.

"I never said he stayed there." Said Max with a chuckle.

"He hasn't been in a western movie in years." Sam said.

"I think he's directing these days." Said Snake.

"Porn?" Deadpool said.

"Russian porn?" Said Sam.

"Midget porn?" Spider-Man said.

"All of the above." Said Snake.

"I'd masturbate to Russian midget porn." Spider-Man said.

"Like a certain torturer I know." Snake chuckled.

"Like that one time when you were being tortured without a shirt?" Sam said to Snake.

"Hey I was a prisoner of war!" Said Snake.

"Maybe it was for the fangirls to masturbate to?" Deadpool said.

"If that was the plan then I need a talking to with Kojima." Snake sighed.

"Snake doesn't have fangirls that masturbate to him they're too busy making yaoi porn of him." Sam said.

"Yeah with Liquid." Said Deadpool.

Meanwhile over at an unknown location during KH2 Liquid can be seen…

"Oh yeah Wolf you're so hot you dirty little sniper!" Liquid said while masturbating to Rule 34 pictures of Sniper Wolf.

"Hey Liquid I think somebody is talking about you and they said you were gay!" Psycho Mantis told Snake.

"WHAT?! Bloody hell I won't stand for this mate! Get everyone together I bet this is Snake's fault!" Liquid said after standing up while his pants were around his knees.

"Um you might want to put your pants on."

"Fucking bleeding hell!" Liquid said before putting his pants back on.

Back to Max's Team…

"Don't tell me we just pissed off someone indirectly." Said Sam.

"When do we not piss someone off?" Max said.

"No doubt Liquid." Snake chuckled.

"Maybe he sensed us calling him gay?" Deadpool said.

"It happens with Riku when someone calls him emo." Said Sam.

"He's an emo cunt bag." Said Snake while laughing.

"Hey Snake do you want to see my sausage?!" Raiden asked Snake over his Codec while using a new Codec frequency.

"Damn it Raiden! I don't want to see your sausage! And how the fuck did you contact me? I blocked your codec frequency."

"Who the fuck pulled that old joke out?" Sam asked.

"Blame the writers in the crack office." Said Max.

"Max they're are no writers now you're just being silly." Deadpool said.

"When do we get the plot moving?" Sam asked.

"Good question." Snake said.

"I think we should get moving stat!" Said Max.

"Are we even prepared?" Sam asked.

"I assume we are." Said Snake.

"Guys I forgot my lucky underpants!" Deadpool said.

"Look at me giving no fucks while wearing these underpants on my head!" Said Spider-Man with Deadpool's lucky underpants on his head.

"God damn it Spider-Man give me my lucky underpants back so I can kick ass properly!" Deadpool told Spidey while trying to get his underpants back.

"Try to get it Deadpool!" Said Spidey.

"Wait my fourth wall breaking powers are tingling!" Deadpool told Max.

"What's going on?"

"Someone important in the future has died!" Deadpool said.

"Was it Taco Man?" Snake asked.

"Was it my lawyer? I mean its not like I owe him over 30,000 dollars for all the lawsuits I had from the families of the people I killed." Said Max.

"I thought you had a bunch of lawyers from Church-Bay?" Sam said.

"I meant before I became president." Said Max.

"All of you are wrong it's Monty Oum!" Deadpool said.

"Who's he again?" Sam asked.

"He's the guy who made those fighting videos on Game Trailers." Snake said.

"Oh right he did the video where Samus kicked Chief's ass." Said Sam.

"Hey that fight was a tie!" Said Chief from Sora's ship in a cutaway joke Reader.

"How is this relevant again?" Max asked Deadpool.

"We're giving him a tribute that's why." Said Deadpool.

"Oh yeah he works...Well worked for Rooster Teeth." Snake said.

"Yep and this is a fanfic about one of their shows." Said Deadpool.

"Space Morons." Snake said.

"Don't worry, I'll gladly commission a funeral for him and it'll be broadcast live on television...Except Faux News they won't be near the funeral." Said Max.

"But he's not dead in this timeline." Snake said stating the obvious.

"When we get back home Captain Obvious." Said Max.

"Can we have BBQ ribs?" Deadpool asked.

"Just so happens I have some with me right now." Said Spider-Man while pulling ribs out from his costume.

"Oh yeah spider dork?" Deadpool said before pulling a giant Subway sandwich out from his costume.

"Oh a wise guy huh? How's this?" Said Spider-Man while pulling out a giant sausage...a real sausage Reader.

"Oh yeah?" Deadpool said before pulling out his penis...For reasons Reader.

"OK enough fooling around let's go!" Max said.

"Wait I wanna meet my past self!" Said Spider-Man.

"Not now we've stalled long enough!" Max said reloading his favorite cop gun.

"Yeah we probably lost some Reader's by now with how long we're taking." Said Sam.

"This story already lost me." Deadpool said.

"Yeah I'm sure no mortal soul alive could comprehend it." Said Sam.

"Didn't Deadpool make this?" Snake asked.

"Along with his team of crack pot writers?" Said Sam.

"Fuck you guys I didn't make this I just stumbled upon Max one day!"

"And it's all become crazy ever since." Said Max.

Later on Max's team arrives at Faux News' HQ after wasting everyone's time by talking about nothing very important at all…

"Were here bitches!" Spider-Man said.

"Time to show how we deal with liars on national TV!" Said Max.

"My radar says this place is fully loaded with guards." Snake said.

"Men time to kick ass!" Said Max.

"Were in the parking lot." Sam said.

"Um...right!" Said Max with a facepalm.

"We can still kick ass in the parking lot!" Deadpool said.

"Right let's start by throwing Snake to the wolves as a distraction." Said Sam.

"There are no wolves." Snake said.

"No we're not gonna resort to Sarge's tactics, we're better than that….and we throw in this IRS tax collector instead they hate the IRS." Said Max while bringing in a middle aged man with a business attire in handcuffs.

"Hey let me go!" Said the man.

"You sure this is gonna work?" Said Sam.

"Positive." Said Max.

"Max Payne!" Said a voice behind Max's group. It was none other than President Saxaphone.

"Did someone say my name?" Asked President Max Payne.

"Did someone say binders full of women?" President Saxaphone said.

Max Payne turned around…

"Oh it's you." He said in a nonchalant way.

"Greetings Max I haven't seen you since the 2012 election."

"Oh yes you're the guy who didn't have any sexual relations with that woman." Said Max.

"That is correct because I did not have sexual relations with that woman!"

"Yeah no one knows what really happened." Said Snake.

"Or cares...unless you're a Republican." Said Max.

"Wasn't he almost impeached?" Sam said.

"Yes almost! Didn't mean it happened." Said Max.

"I thought you could use some support against Faux News over here in the past."

"Wait how did you know we time traveled?" Max asked.

"Max I happen to time travel all the time." President Saxaphone said.

"Is that how you were with the other founding founders in this old painting." Said Deadpool while showing said painting with President Saxaphone and the other founding fathers.

"Of course!"

"Alright time to show Faux News not to mess with Murica!" Said Max.

"Wait Max a lot has happened recently! Are you sure you don't want to save your game first?" Deadpool said.

"Deadpool this isn't Max Payne 4, now let's go in." Said Max.

"That sounded like a Metal Gear joke." Sam said.

"I know one when I see one, and that was one." Said Snake.

"Are we going to make Gary Bleck cry or what?" Spider-Man said.

"While burning this fake constitution in front of him." Said Max.

"NO NOT THE CONSTITUTION! Don't you know that God made the constitution after he created the Bible?!" Deadpool said.

"Deadpool it's fake like your brain." Said Max.

"No way that's Spider-Man's brain!" Deadpool said.

"What happened to my real brain?!" Said Spider-Man while running around.

"I'm thinking of selling it on Church-Bay." Deadpool said while holding Spidey's real brain.

"Maybe you'll get a discount too." Said Max.

"Ladies are we going to go in or what? If not I'm gonna go to McDonalds instead." President Saxaphone said.

"Yeah we need to move the plot people!" Said Snake.

"The plot can suck my spider dick!"

"Then we'd be stuck here forever." Said Snake.

"Don't worry I got this!" Deadpool said before shoving Spidey in a cannon before firing it at the Faux News building.

"LOOKS LIKE TEAM SPIDEY IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" Spider-Man said before crashing through one of the windows.

"Now if only Raiden was here." Said Snake with a chuckle.

"Alright men let's go!" Max said before charging Faux's front door.

"For Freedom and tacos!" Said Deadpool while blowing a horn.

"Oh man this is it!" Snake said before equipping his cardboard box.

"Time to show them who's boss!" Said Sam with his tri goggles on.

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman!" President Saxaphone said while equipping his saxaphone.

They all got inside the Propaganda network's HQ the alarm then sounded off as everyone got inside ready to kick ass. Suddenly a bunch of security guards surrounded Max's team minus Spider-Man over in the lobby.

"Looks like it's time for me to go into bullet time mode." Max said before equipping two pistols in his hands.

"I'll immobilize them with my music!" Said President Saxaphone while playing...the saxaphone dear Reader.

"Snake what are you doing? They can clearly see you!" Sam told Snake who was still in his cardboard box.

"Quiet! Don't you see this helps with my psyche gauge?" Said Snake.

"Snake what the fuck are you talking about?" Sam said while shooting guards with a suppressed pistol.

"I was breaking the 4th wall...duh!" Said Snake.

"Snake this isn't the time!" Max said while killing guards with two pistols all while using bullet time.

"Hey I have a question Max! When you use bullet time do we go slow mo as well or no?" Said Deadpool.

"I'm pretty sure I don't feel slow…" Said Sam.

"Oh that can be twisted into a joke in so many ways." Snake chuckled.

"Well my enemies are slow that's for sure." Max said.

"In more ways than one." Said Snake.

"Snake your mentally challenged jokes are offending people cut it out." Sam said.

"We offend everyone all the time, since when did you get a conscious?!" Said Snake.

"That was just Deadpool doing his ventriloquist act again." Sam said.

"Did it work?" Deadpool asked.

"Well it fooled me." Said Snake.

"Ha! Vegas here I come I'm gonna enter the ventriloquist competition and win the grand prize." Deadpool said.

"I'm pretty sure you'll be the biggest dummy there Deadpool." Said Max.

"Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho...Bad puns!" Deadpool said.

"Don't make me depress you."

"That doesn't work on me because I talk too much and annoy people."

"Plus he put his feelings in a jar...if that's to be believed." Said Sam.

"Plus I was granted immortality so I won't be able to be with Death."

"Do we really have time to go over Deadpool's lore right now?" Snake asked.

"Wait I didn't get to the part where I climbed the Eiffel Tower with an atomic bomb on my back...wait that never happened." Said Deadpool.

"It might have been a dream." Max said.

"Nonsense! My dreams come true!" Said Deadpool in a childish pout.

"I highly doubt that." Snake said.

"Why just last night I dreamt Snake was naked inside his box while we assaulted Faux News." Said Deadpool.

"Hey God damn it! How did you know I was naked?" Snake said.

"Snake are you masturbating to triple X taco porn magazines again?" Said Max.

"Do I look like Deadpool?" Snake said.

"OK so you're masturbating to a picture of Meryl naked on Rule 34?" Said Max.

"Who wants to know?" Snake said.

"I do!" Said Deadpool while peaking under the box.

"Get out Deadpool!" Snake said after shooting Deadpool in the face.

"Oh that tickles!" Said Deadpool while chuckling.

"This reminds me of the time when I became president." President Saxaphone said.

"Take this conservabros!" Said Max while karate chopping some security guards.

"That reminds me of Movie Bob...He told me I was a subhuman on Twitter once. It made me cry myself to sleep in my bed with my Pinkie Pie plushie." Deadpool said.

"Deadpool you're not even human yourself!" Said Sam.

"I'll have you know that I am in fact Canadian!" Deadpool said.

"Really? Do you have some maple syrup?" Said Sam.

"Yes but I use it for my tacos."

"Damn it Deadpool!" Said Sam.

"Alright I think were done here in the lobby." Max said after killing the last guard.

"About time." Said Snake with his clothes on.

"We should go find Spider-Man." Sam said.

"Yeah but where is he?" Said Snake.

"Hopefully kicking ass." Max said before entering a nearby elevator.

They all went inside the elevator, Max pressed the top floor button, and the elevator went up. Much to their horror it went super slow. Very slow Reader like think of the Mass Effect elevator, but worse!

"Oh God damn it not this again! This happened in the last KH2 chapter. I fucking hate elevators by the way. I got attacked by invisible guys on an elevator twice if I remember correctly." Snake said.

"This is must be God's punishment for the time I threw monkey shit at a statue of Jesus!" Said Deadpool.

"Well that sounds disgusting." Sam said.

"Well...your mom is disgusting!" Said Deadpool.

"Deadpool you're not even trying anymore." Snake said.

"Hey give me a break I'm watching Napoleon Dynamite in my head right now...Would you like some popcorn too?"

"Deadpool focus!" Max said.

"What? I am damn it!" Said Deadpool.

"This elevator is taking forever." Sam said.

"It's still on the third floor." Said Snake.

"Who wants to hear about my presidency?" President Saxaphone said.

"Oh! Can you tell us about your sexual relationship with that woman?" Said Deadpool.

"I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN! It was just a blowjob which isn't really cheating."

"Sounds legit!" Said Deadpool.

"Too legit to quit." Sam said while chuckling.

"And you just made a bad joke congratulations Sam!" Said Snake.

"Not his first one." Max said.

"Hey I'm funnier than a certain plumber." Said Sam.

"Joe The Plumber isn't even funny." Snake said.

"He's not even a plumber." Said Max.

"His name isn't even Joe." Deadpool said.

"No he's a Republican space alien." Said Max.

"Damn those illegal space aliens!" Deadpool said.

"Coming to take our jobs! The nerve of our galactic brethren!" Said Sam.

"They're trying to take our jerbs!" Deadpool said.

"OK now you two are just being silly." Said Max.

"Max when are you going to depress people again?" Snake asked.

"I'll depress you if you ask me that again." Said Max.

"But the Readers miss it!" Deadpool said while looking at you Reader.

"Fine I'll do it again." Said Max.

"Yay!" Deadpool said.

'The slow pace of this elevator gave me all the time in the world to reflect on my past mistakes. Like the one time I shot that kid in that New Jersey bar while drunk, shot him right in the jaw. He survived of course, but his family went into bankruptcy trying to pay the child's medical bills, his father had to sell his own Spongebob toy collection to make ends meet, and the mother had to resort to prostitution.' Max narrated.

"That was pretty good. Ashame the Space Morons weren't around to be sad by it." Deadpool said.

"Don't worry I'll fix that in KH 2." Said Max.

"When we finally go back." Snake said.

"Floor Five...Good god!" Sam sighed.

"The building is too damn high!" Deadpool said.

"Deadpool can you like pull a teleportation pad out of nowhere so we can get to the top floor?" Sam asked him.

"No."

"We should've taken the stairs." Said Snake.

"But then we would have soldiers come after us and shoot us all the way up before fighting a Russian chopper!" Deadpool said.

"You watch too many action movies." Said Snake.

"But we're action heroes and those tropes always apply to us." Said Sam.

"Snake that was your game he was talking about." Max said.

"I know...damn you Liquid!" Said Snake.

"OH MY GOD LEONARD NIMOY DIED!" Deadpool yelled to the Heavens.

"Well a certain space moron won't be too happy." Said Max.

"Are we there yet?" Deadpool asked like a child.

"Not yet damn you!" Said Max.

"Max tell us how you auditioned for The Matrix trilogy again." Snake said.

"Wait he auditioned for the Matrix?" Said Sam.

"Yes I've told this story several times."

"So yes tell us about your audition." Said Snake.

"I was turned down for the role of Neo because I had too much character development, personality, skill, and I made too much sense when I spoke."

"So they basically wanted to make you into a generic action hero with no personality? Sounds like Sam." Said Snake.

"It sounds like those games I play where I can make my own character but I usually end up making myself." Deadpool said.

"Usually voiced by Nolan North or Troy Baker." Said Snake.

"Don't be silly I'm voiced by me!" Deadpool said.

"OK were here. Where is President Saxaphone?" Max said after the elevator stopped.

"Oh he left through the ceiling of the elevator like an hour ago. Said he would meet us at Shane Hammity's show." Sam said.

"I sure wish I could have gone this elevator is slow!" Snake said.

"Who designed this piece of crap anyway? Did they make those Elevators in Mass Effect as well?" Said Max.

"Well this is a Republican owned building." Sam said.

"Fuck them!" Said Max.

"It's time to chew ass and kick bubblegum and I'm all out of ass! Wait..." Deadpool said before the elevator doors opened.

"Hey Duke Nukem is gonna sue you for that." Said Snake.

"Duke Nukem is irrelevant!" Max said.

"Like his career." Sam said.

"That's a burn." Said Snake.

"Snake's career isn't looking so good either." Deadpool said.

"Neither is Sam's." Said Snake.

"My boss didn't say he was quitting after my last game."

"Yes well at least my last game didn't sell so bad." Said Snake.

"Your boss said he was quitting after The Phantom Pain." Max said.

"He says that with every MGS game though." Said Snake.

"But he really meant it this time and I believe him!" Deadpool said.

"What did you do? Use a lie detector test on him" Said Max.

"I wonder how much of the audience we've lost by now?" Sam said.

"I don't think we have an audience anymore." Max said.

"We need to get a move on with the plot." Said Snake.

"I was told there was no plot!" Deadpool said.

"There is one, you just need to squint your eyes to see it, with a microscope." Said Max.

"I didn't sign up for this! I only do random chaotic comedy." Deadpool said.

"Which you are well known for Deadpool." Said Max.

"We should go look for Spider-Man." Sam said.

Max's group then walks around the Faux News building eventually they open a door that leads to one of the shows. In it Spider-Man can be seen fucking Shane Hannity's hair while smoking weed. President Saxaphone can be seen beating up a bunch of security guards with his saxaphone.

"Hey look there's Spidey." Deadpool pointed out.

"Deadpool I thought you were dead?" Snake said.

"What are you talking about? I been standing here this whole time, while taking breaks to work on my movie!" Said Deadpool.

"Nah Deadpool you died in the comics...again." Sam said.

"Well someone at Marvel comics need to di- I mean get sued...really badly...with violence!" Said Deadpool with an annoyed look.

"It's OK they killed Wolverine as well." Max said.

"...Alright I'll just spank them then." Said Deadpool.

"I think they plan on killing off most of the characters that FOX has the rights to use in movies to spite them." Sam said.

"Fuck you Marvel! I demand a bag of bananas for this travesty!" Deadpool protested.

"Your movie is still gonna suck Dickpool! Ryan Reynolds is a terrible actor plus he was in Green Lantern." Spider-Man said after rejoining Max's group.

"Oh yeah well….your uncle!" Deadpool mocked him.

"Deadpool your comebacks are getting terrible." Snake said.

"So I'm getting a bit rusty, I worked too long on my movie you know." Said Deadpool.

"Deadpool you're still working on it till February 2016." Sam said.

"And the next shoot is in half an hour let's get moving." Said Deadpool.

"I think we've done plenty for today." Max said.

"Did we?" Sam asked.

"Yep we kicked ass and took names but without the names." Max said.

"And now I get to eat my magical taco!" Deadpool said.

"Alright let's move out we still got terrorists to hunt." Said Max.

"I can't find my magical taco!" Deadpool said.

"Too bad we wasted enough time." Said Max.

"Welp back to space morons." Snake said.

"Cue cutaway!" Said Deadpool.

"Well now will never get as much time in the spotlight again. We have officially hit our peak." Sam said.

Ven and his merry band of space morons can be seen still traversing New York City reader. What have they been up to since the last time we saw them well…

"Can't believe we got lost this whole time!" Church complained.

"No! No! No! No! Were supposed to be fighting Carnage and Venom right now! You space morons got this all wrong!" BBS Spider-Man said.

"Then where the hell is Carnage and Venom?" Said Tucker.

"On the subway!" Spider-Man said.

"On the subway? Aww come on can't you pick a much more cliche place to have a fight?" Said Tucker.

"It'll be just like Spider-Man 2 where Peter Parker was being emo and looked ridiculous while dancing. What a nerd!" Spider-Man said.

"Can we go to subway first dudes? I want a philly cheese steak." Said Ven.

"No tacos rule god damn it!" Spider-Man said.

"No we already wasted enough time,we should go take care of Carnage and Venom to get out of here." Said Church.

"Church is right...For justice!" Captain Flowers said.

"Maybe we can find some hot babes who need rescuing if you know what I mean." Said Tucker.

"Now now Tucker don't you know that's sexist?" Captain Flowers said.

"What are you some kind of feminist?" Said Tucker.

"I don't think this is Tumblr." Church said.

"Yeah I don't like pay attention to feminists anyways." Said Tucker.

"That's because they think you're evil due to being a white heterosexual male and won't sleep with you." Church said.

"And they call me sexist? Please." Said Tucker, scoffing.

"Hurry up you assholes before I miss Jeopardy!" Spider-Man yelled while using his webbing to travel through the city.

"Let's move guys." Said Church.

"EXTREME scene transition!" Ven yelled.

"That's such a lame joke." Said Tucker.

"That wasn't a joke." Church said.

Later on in the subway with the space morons and Spider-Man…

"Why are we in the subway?" Tucker asked everyone.

"Tucker we already established earlier why were in the subway." Church said.

"IT's been awhile since we were on break." Said Tucker.

"I spent my time reading The Onion to catch up on the news." Ven said.

"Space morons were here to fight Venom and Carnage so I can go home and watch Jeopardy!" Spider-Man said.

"Where are they anyway?" Said Tucker.

"The plot always takes it's time like when I cook nachos." Spider-Man said.

"I thought we forbade nachos in this story." Said Tucker.

"Tucker I'll have you know that nachos are very good." Captain Flowers said.

"Sorry Captain, Tacos are way better then Nachos." Said Church.

"Are you space morons trying to say my taco nacho supreme is shit?!" Spider-Man said.

"Well we always assumed you were a shit eater Spidey." Church mocked him.

"God damn sorry excuse for a bunch of space warriors! I wish I had some Hitler ice cream right about now." Spider-Man said.

"Damn now Spider-Man has joined the Nazi's! You're not being a good role model to children right now." Sad Tucker.

"What are you the PC police? Fuck the children I'm into just for me and only me damn it! Also the money as well."

"Man I could go for some Hitler ice cream as well. I heard it's the master taste of ice cream." Ven said.

"I'm very offended right now!" Church said.

"Why?" Tucker asked him.

"Obviously he must be Jewish and very butthurt. But mostly Jewish…" Spider-Man said while being as offensive as possible but not as offensive as Deadpool reader.

"Hey I think I hear the subway train coming!" Ven said.

"Quick let's throw in Tucker before it comes." Said Church.

"Now Church I can't have my men get sacrificed during battle." Flowers said.

Moments later the train stopped and the doors open to reveal Venom and Carnage along with a bunch of dead bodies and a lot of blood…

"Well, well "dad" it looks like we got company!" Said Carnage.

"Oh stop calling me dad already damn it! It's bad enough I have to pay child support for you!" Said Venom.

"You're two months due! You're such a bad father!" Carnage pouted!

Venom sighed, "Never have sex with yourself kids!" Said Venom.

"Wait does he mean he reproduced asexually like a plant?" Tucker asked everyone.

"Tucker I rather not talk about that shit!" Said Church.

"But boys, it's ok to learn about the birds and the bees when you have come at age." Said Captain Dynamic.

"Hey you fuckers got blood all over my subway train! How many times do I have to tell you if you're gonna kill hookers to throw their bodies in the water surrounding New York? Fucking amateurs!" Spider-Man told Carnage and Venom.

"But Captain I'm in my thirties I already know about sex!" Tucker said.

"Yeah and I have a bitchy girlfriend and or possible wife who is based on my memories of my possible wife and or girlfriend which I am also based on. I also have a daughter who worked for said person that I am based on."

"Dude spoilers I haven't started watching Daredevil yet!" Tucker said.

"Spider-Man! I'm so gonna make you pay for the hundreds of times you stopped my play time!" Carnage threatened him.

"Bitch please you call going around a mall and killing teenagers play time? I could do way better!" Spider-Man said.

"Shut up! Or I'll tell on daddy!" Carnage pouted like a little kid.

"Yeah Spider-Man shut it, not because you annoyed my son, but because you're annoying and I hate your guts!" Said Venom.

"You guys are just mad because I added Wolverine on Squarebook and not you two. Well you guys are kind of lame that's why I didn't add either one of you. Also I can do a better job at terrorism than both of you anyways. One time I trolled president Taco Man. It was fucking hilarious almost as hilarious as the time when he couldn't open the door in Japan!"

"Bah who cares?! I got over 5000 likes on SquareBook! Hell I just got Liked by Captain America! Ha! Take that Spidey!" Said Carnage.

"Umm….Carnage that was a fake account made by me to troll you! As well as the other 4,999 accounts I made to troll you! I got liked by both George Washington and Abraham Lincoln!" Said Spider-Man.

"Man Church is it bad when you can't open a fucking door?" Tucker said.

"Well why don't you just shoot the damn lock off?" Church asked him.

"Did president Taco Man have a gun with him?"

"No he had sour cream, and chicken instead!" Said Church.

"How was a taco going to help?"

"And he had a gun." Said Church.

"And still couldn't get out of the room? Worst president ever!"

"We can agree to that." Said Church.

"Alright put up your dukes!" Spider-Man told Venom and Carnage.

"Now gentlemen fighting isn't always the answer. Instead of ripping each other's limbs I suggest we take our anger out on the mail man. You know what they say, Blame the messenger for our problems." Said Captain Dynamic.

"...But we already killed the mailman." Said Carnage.

"Then you're already on your way to feel much better about yourself." Said Captain Dynamic.

"This guy is more fucked up then you." Venom whispered to Carnage.

"Fine we shall do this like honorary gentlemen! Will take ten paces then turn and then shoot. Last man standing wins…" Spider-Man said.

"I call bullshit! You always cheat!" Said Venom.

"What you talkin about Willis?!" Spider-Man said with a pistol behind his back.

"You know what I think we should do dad?" Said Carnage.

"What?" Said Venom.

"Go to Marvel comics and make them cancel Spider-Man!" Said Carnage.

"Hey that's a brilliant idea!" Said Venom.

"Yeah and if you somehow managed that, you two would be out of a job!" Said Church.

"We could force them to make spin off comics!" Said Carnage.

"Yeah and those don't last long I'm afraid." Said Church.

"Fuck, ok plan B just kill the Spider!" Said Carnage.

"I heard Venom is supposed to have his own movie also I'm now gonna be part of the Marvel movies!" Spider-Man said.

"Where's my MOVIE DAD!?" Carnage complained.

"Son I don't give a flying fuck about your movie! Go to Sony studios if you wanna bitch about being in a movie." Venom groaned.

"Hey Venom and Carnage! Heads up…" Spider-Man said before strapping a bomb on to Tucker and throwing him at both symbiotes with his webbing.

"Aaaah! TERRORIST!" Venom pointed at Tucker dramatically.

"AAAHHH...My face!" Carnage yelled after being hit by Tucker.

"Fuck you Spidey! Wolverine is better!" Said Tucker.

"Well I had to sacrifice an innocent person but in the end it was worth it!" Spider-Man said.

"Hey if it means Tucker dies then I'm cool with this!" Said Church.

"But who gets Tucker's share of the drugs?" Ven asked.

"Duh I do!" Said Church.

"I want at least half!" Ven said.

"You'll get a small fraction." Said Church.

"I want ten percent!"

"Five percent!" Church haggled.

"Ten percent and that's my final offer!"

"Fine, but I get Tucker's 20 percent and dibs!" Said Church.

"This better make the news and they better get my good side this time!" Spider-Man said.

"If you mean you being called a Troll on the Daily Bugle, then I'm sure they'll cover you." Said Church.

"Fuck you space morons I only read The Onion!"

"The Onion...possibly the only unbiased news source in the world." Said Captain Dynamic.

"I wonder where the Captain went?" Church said.

"Oh umm, I'm sure your commanding officer is nearby...somewhere." Said Captain Dynamic while sweating nervously, much to his relief the bomb went off, creating a massive explosion, the whole area was covered in smoke, fire, and ash. Captain Dynamic took this moment to become Captain Butch Flowers again.

"I was expecting that explosion to be much bigger." Spider-Man said.

"I'm OK, the only thing that hurts is my pride." Said Tucker.

"Augh he survived! Great! That's just fucking great! And hey Captain where the fuck were you all this time?" Said Church.

"Your armor is black Lavernius." Ven told Tucker.

"Well fuck me! I hate it when that happens!" Said Tucker.

"Church I was um...um here all this time, you just have a bad eye sight." Said Captain Flowers.

"Um ok if you say so." Said Church, dropping it for now.

"Does this mean I won't get that 10 percent?" Said Ven.

"He can't even use the sniper rifle correctly." Tucker said.

"And you're still a virgin!" Said Church.

"That's not true you don't know my life before joining the military!"

"I don't need you to explain it to me. I can already tell by your perverted nature." Said Church.

"Look, it's completely normal okay?"

"Normal? Buddy there's nothing normal about you!" Said Church.

"We don't have time to talk about premature ejaculation!" Spider-Man said.

"Nobody wants to know Tucker's lack of sex life anyways." Said Church.

"We should probably get out of here." Flowers said.

"Yeah this chapter has worn out it's welcome" Said Ven.

"Hey don't break the fourth wall! Bad things happen when you do that." Tucker said.

"Tucker you're being full of shit right now!" Said Church.

Ven, the space morons, and Spider-Man then leave the subway…

"Finally fresh air!" Flowers said.

"We only been in the subway for 20 minutes though." Said Church.

"It felt like twenty years." Tucker said.

"See you later space morons! I need to catch the newest episode of Jeopardy!" said Spider-Man before web slinging away.

"Welp time to leave." Ven said.

"Hopefully we'll be back home soon, maybe the Reds won't be there." Said Church.

Meanwhile, Spider-Man was web slinging back home when he caught eye of Present Spider-Man, this caught the web slinger off guard.

"Well, well what do we have here?" BBS Spider-Man said to KH2 Spider-Man.

"I'm Spider-Man...duh! Trololololololo…" KH2 Spider-Man said.

"No I'm Spider-Man! You're just a wannabe troll coming to steal my thunder!" Said BBS Spider-Man while glaring at his future self.

"No I'm future you and I wanted to tell you the future is very scary, sad, and it sucks. The world's tacos have been stolen!" KH2 Spider-Man said.

"Wait the tacos are stolen?!" BBS Spider-Man gasped.

"Yes by a fat lazy orange space moron!" KH2 Spidey said referring to Grif.

"He must be punished!" Said BBS Spider-Man while waving his fist in the air.

"He will be at the end of KH3 and then he'll be shipped to Gitmo where he belongs!"

Suddenly a flash of white light appears and KH3 Spider-Man appears…

"Past me and far past me I can confirm that the Taco Bandit has been captured, the tacos are safe, and justice has finally been served in the future! The orange lazy space moron is in Gitmo where he belongs!"

"You mean we rescue the tacos?" Said BBS Spider-Man.

"Of course!" KH3 Spider-Man said before vanishing into the future.

"Then there is hope for a greater future….TO TROLL PEOPLE IN!" Said BBS Spider-Man.

"There's always a future to troll people in!" KH2 Spider-Man said.

"But what's a good future without tacos?" Sad BBS Spider-Man.

"We are indeed living in dark times."

"We must fight and troll people hard for the tacos!" Said Spider-Man.

"Of course!"

"Now get going future me! We must save the tacos!" Said BBS Spider-Man.

"Onwards to steal Deadpool's underwear again and wear it on top of my head!" KH2 Spider-Man said before vanishing.

**To Be Continued… **


End file.
